Reflections
Time for my monthly post! A few things to get off my chest today.
Tomorrow will be my last NYConneXions production meeting. How time really flies man. It's been an awesome year, and the 9 of us that made up the 2008 Batch of Journalists really did do an awesome job together. We always had fun, never took each other too seriously or too lightly, and above all, had each others' backs.
I'm sorry to say this to my NP Batch of '07, but this team I was part of for the last year, was the best team I've ever been on. It's been a joy and an honour to work with people who share the same passion. I'll always remember this last year of awesomely random jokes and articles and stupidly awesomely lame people who interview themselves. Like I told Eunice the other day, we were 9 people, all weird as hell but somehow we came together.
And now, two years after I couldnt have been more eager to pass the torch to the next batch of NCOs after seeing shit in NP, now I feel somewhat the exact opposite. Yet the time has come ultimately to pass the torch, and graciously pass the torch in the best way possible.
Moving on without production meetings and brainstorm sessions every Wednesday at 4-33 to come up with random ideas that somehow end up published will be difficult, but well. This is life right? Take the things that come, and take it no matter how badly you wanna avoid it.
This second half of the post goes out to someone, someone I've only known for the past two months really, but yet again someone that has made an unexpected impact in my life. You know I'm talking about you. Asking questions is not wrong, crying is not wrong, learning is not wrong. I know the adjustment to JC life has been horrid really, but the point remains to be made that hundreds of other people are going through exactly the same thing. Face it, you left a comfort zone that I know only too well. Life had its ups and downs in NC, but never to this extent, and never did you have to experience so many lows and so little highs.
I know that feeling. I know how it's like to feel lost, to lose yourself in a multitude of strangers that become acquaintances overnight. I know how adjusting can render you just tired and unable to contemplate even living one more day of this. I know how days can uplift you, yet many others can just crush your spirit. I know what the sting of making a friend that really wasn't a friend feels like, and I know how forced assimiliation is so fake, yet everyone around seems to indulge in it. I know how everyday can seem like going to school, putting that fake smile and waving to people you know really don't care if you do or don't wave and getting chased for work can be so energy-sapping but tomorrow is just wash, rinse and recycle.
I know.
I know cos I've been through all that in one year. Sure in the last year, I've become more cynical, and less idealistic. But being too idealistic to start with is never good. Working with extremes is never desired. The problem with NC is that it gives enough shelter to protect from the outside world, which leads to idealism and thus, unrealistic expectations of "outsiders" in JC. I've learnt to change, learnt to adapt to changes, learnt to expect the unexpected.
I learnt, so now I know. Above all, despite wondering if I'd ever make it with my spirit intact many times, I survived. And that's the thing, you see. Ultimately it's not about the ups and downs, but getting through them. Are there more to come for me and you? Duh. But I'm ready. You claim you are, but really? Learn. Learn to fall down, learn what it really feels like to fall down and have nobody you're really familiar with helping you up, learn to change and adapt without compromising the essence of who you are.
For all the questions that you have, I wonder from time to time if you take the time to question your own convictions. Are they right? Could they be wrong? Too extreme? Chances are when one questions convictions, they learn a whole lot more about oneself.
I learnt the hard way, and I learnt it alone. You will have ME. That's a pledge I'm making, and yeah it's just me, it isn't much. But walk on. Walk on, trudge on step after bloody step and chances are you won't be walking alone.
Life doesnt get easier. School is just a microcosm of society. Yet, life is still worth living, for the people you meet and greet, the few miniscule people that have a major impact on you, the few people that you somehow know, that if Mitch Albom's theory holds true, will be one of the few that you meet in Heaven.
I don't know about you, but I'm willing to see where life takes me, and I'm willing to roll with the punches. Will I fall? Will I get hurt? Chances are, I will. But as you said, I'm gonna die trying rather than die playing safe.
Sometimes I really do wonder, whose lives have I touched enough to be one of the five people they meet in Heaven.
And this I hold on to...the belief that when answers aren't enough, there's Jesus. He's more than just an answer to my prayers and questions. And I believe my heart will find a new, safer refuge where He is.
Daniel.
