I've found a friend who died for me

Hey hey to one and all. My blog has been stagnating for quite a while so it's time to blog and make sure nobody gets too disappointed when they dont see updates.

Well, in a flash, my last camp has passed me by. ALTC 07 has given me many memories and feelings and I just wanna air my views. If anyone disagrees, well you know where to find me.

On the whole, I feel satisfied to have run the camp without major injuries and largely good weather. It's really God's grace that nothing bad happened and that He held back the weather. But deep down, I think I speak for almost all my committee members when I say that I didnt end the camp and leave the camp with very positive feelings about the future. I wanna use this opportunity to raise my views and opinions about the problems that we face on a squad by squad matter and if anyone's reading this, I just wanna say in advance that no offence is meant.

Sec 1 Squad

I told them this time and again. There's potential in them. I've personally been attached to their squad for much longer a period of time than the others, and I see glimpses of leadership and potential. That being said, everyone has potential, and it's up to the person to acheive it. Sadly, they're not living up to their potential. It's always disheartening to see people who choose not to acheive great things due to a mindset that is faulty. Even at this relatively early stage of their time in NP, I see people who have potential to be good future leaders of NCNP. I see people who are already cultivating the spirit of NP and the unity among them is slowly but surely starting to build. However, the flaws in their squad are so big and apparent that their good points are not being seen. I keep telling myself that they're young and have yet to learn the essence of being a squad, but still, the basics have yet to be seen for some. They have an uncanny ability to both endear themselves to people and also piss people off at the same time. In a way, I'm kinda impressed by their gutsy mentality of "shooting" whoever is wrong in their eyes. Herein lies the problem. We all think we're right, and it's only when we grow up mentally that we start to reflect on our actions. Their squad is made up of very unique and special individuals. Personally, I see alot of Squad 4 in them, minus the gutsy "shooting" mentality. Perhaps it is this that makes me partial to them and makes me wish and wanna see that they grow up into a squad that mirrors Squad 4 '07. Don't judge them too early and condemn them. We all know what problems that caused personally. Nurture them, and while I'd love to turn time back a year and do it personally, I cant. So here's my advice. Nurture them, teach them and love them, but most importantly, don't spoil them. There's a fine balance, and I believe it's going to take the most mature of people to be able to handle this squad.

Sec 2 Squad

I speak for most of my committee when I say that we have been impressed by some individuals in this squad. And personally, I really like it that this squad has grown up alot during this camp. I realise that while we keep insisting that their attitudes are not the best, it is still wise to reflect upon Squad 4 when we were in Sec 2. Back then our attitudes werent the best, and we pissed off our DIs to the extent that they cried. But never did they give up on us, and neither should we give up on them. This squad has had it relatively comfortable for a year, which is why they didnt have the right mentality at the start. To guide them back to the "real world", we have to take time to teach them at an interpersonal level. As seen from this camp, a mixture of hard and soft really can give them the chance to shine. I just hope that whoever takes over from Aaron and Meiqi can continue to give them opportunities to shine. While on paper this squad looks relatively lethargic, wonders can be worked. Deep inside this squad lies a sleeping catepillar in a cocoon. With the right mix, this squad will break out of their cocoon on their own and fly like beautiful butterflies. I understand that they have the ability to drive people nuts. The most patient people are capable of nurturing this squad to great heights. For they are at a junction, a make or break year for them. If they end this year with strong bonds and wonderful spirits, chances are that we will be able to see a great NCO batch 6.

Sec 3 Squad

I believe we have been sorely disappointed by their performance and attitude of most of them in this camp. Why? Cos we expected that they would be able to understand the impact of this camp. This camp was the last time we would see them as cadets instead of NCOs, and we went into this camp thinking that they would use this opportunity to shine. Instead, what happened was that we were given attitudes that really wasnt up to standard, save for a few. The usual suspects did well, but the others whom I expected to step up and impress us fell far short of that. In fact, on a whole their performance became so worrying that we now worry what will happen to NCNP after 6weeks. I hope this is a one-off case of sudden low morale or whatever it is that's causing this. I think we wanna pass out with peace of mind that the unit's in good hands. Right now, that seems far from the truth. Last year around this time, I was where they were. I was sick and tired of listening to my seniors preach about how they wanna leave without worries and how worried they were about the future of NCNP. Now, I fully understand why. For Squad 4 had its troubles and gave nobody but ourselves any indication that we were ready for the challenge. Now, the gauntlet is about to be passed to the Sec 3s. It's time to step up to the plate and lead. Now is the chance for them to lead and guide NCNP to better heights. I believe they can do it. But the question remains. Do they wanna?

All in all, that's all I have to say for now. I'll be back soon. Till then, this is Dan signing off.

Hey all!I'm back...with most of my problems settled and the common test over, all that remains is the moment of truth. I'm talking about the release of the results. Having weathered what I believe is the most trying period in my life, I'd just like to say thanks to those who stood by me (you know who you are) and those who attempted to cheer me up but failed cos you people didnt know what in the blue hell was going on. Right now, I'm just gonna give my reflections on the past few weeks.

Firstly, is that problem. I'm glad it's been settled. Or at least I think it has been. The problem is that I dunno what to think anymore when it comes to this. Whenever I think I've a clear and easy decision or conclusion, something somehow screws up. Well, I hope this really is the end of the problems. But I realize intentions have been misunderstood and misinterpreted. That's the whole freaking problem when people try to act as a go-between instead of a listener cum adviser. I'm not ranting at anyone and no one should take this the wrong way, but really. Assumptions can really lead to big disasters man. I mean, you can choose to do whatever you want, and I understand that people are just looking out for their friends and out of goodwill, but the point is, before we do that, shouldnt we at least make sure everything has been interpreted in the right way? I wont elaborate much but if anyone wants to know why I feel this way, just leave a tag or something like that.

Secondly, was the wonderful trip I had to Pulau Ubin yesterday. 21 of us went for ATF and I will never ever regret signing up for it, even though I doubted my ability to succeed at the tasks at first. ATF brought back memories of OBS. Remember Double Dangle Dual? Well I succeeded in climbing to the top! I was genuinely proud of myself and that I managed to conquer the thing that made me look like a fool during OBS. I completed 4 activities, and each one brought with it different feelings. The common denominator, however was satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

Double Dangle Dual made me realise how we can fail at the first attempt, forget about that failure, and try again. OBS people will know what I'm saying cos I really really sucked at it during OBS. But somehow, by God's grace, Wei Siang and I volunteered to go first this time, and got to the top. Although he had some difficulty in helping me up and half the time I imitated a koala bear, it was a really enriching experience and I'm glad that I could share in the accomplishment with him.

The next thing I did was the flying fox. I was apprehensive about it cos I heard it's the longest and highest in Singapore. As I made my way up the tower, different thoughts ran through my mind. I wondered how I would be able to lift myself off the tower cos we were supposed to sit on the edge of the tower and once we were ready, we had to lift ourselves off. Now it's easy to lift yourself off a bed, cos your feet can touch the ground but if your feet are dangling 6 1/2 storeys in the air, it's a different idea altogether. Anyway, I looked down. Strangely, I only felt a tinge of uneasiness. But when I looked forward, I realised from that position, I could see the sea. I could see part of Singapore's main island. I could see the still rising sun. And at that moment, all fear left me. I was amazed by the wondrous scenery around me. And together with Meiqi, we counted together and lifted ourselves of the tower. For fleeting moments, I had the feeling of soaring in the sky. I finally what it means to "sprout wings and soar like an eagle flying high". The view was one that I'll never forget and impressed on me the beauty of creation. The official length of the flying fox was 21.7metres, but it felt like a lot lesser. For within a matter of seconds, it was all over.

After that, I went to do the Advanced Rope Course. It was 9m high and 15m between each station, but it sure as hell seemed higher and longer. With trouble, I crossed the first station which was the usual walking on cables with a guiding rope. The difference from OBS was that the stations all had ladders to aid us when we slip from the cables. All I had to do was to shout "LADDER!!" and someone would push it towards me. That made it easier to get past the first station. Following that was a station in which I had to sit on a platform and push myself across to the next station with a rope as my help. The last station was a killer. I had to stand on a skateboard which was mounted on two cables and slide across using ropes to help me. Had the pulley under the skateboard not been that well oiled, it would have been an easier task. I lost count of the number of times I had lost my balance due to the too fast movement of the skateboard. The thought of giving up did occur to me, but I was like "HELL NO, I didnt get abrasions and sunburns to give up when I'm this close." Having said that, I was fed up with the whole skateboard idea and after a while I just walked on the cables with the ladder to support me. Much easier. When I finally completed the course, the instructors mentioned that I was the first to complete the course after lunch. Not bad eh. I realise how being high up and having little or no support can cause one to panic and give up, but help is always round the corner. Likewise, people in high positions may not have adequate support and that causes major burnouts and such.

The fourth thing was the tunneling activity. We had to negotiate a tunnel which was pitch dark with bare hands. It didnt help that people outside were shouting wrong instructions like turn right cos when we did, our helmets crashed against solid metal walls. Ouch. We went in groups of 5. My group was Junde, Aaron, Hwee Siang and Wei Siang. In that order respectively, with me in the middle. A classic moment occured as we had to climb up on a slope with no solid ground underneath our feet as it was filled with rubber or plastic balls. We managed to climb from the bally part to the slope. Then Junde asked Aaron to support him up. Aaron pushed his big ass up, and Junde accidentally kicked Aaron in the face. Aaron lost stability and started sliding down. Cos I happened to be lying on Aaron's leg, I also started sliding down. My ass crashed into Hwee Siang's face. End of classic moment. When we got out, we recounted what happened to the others. Reactions varied between disgust and total laughter. Not much learned from this, but I realise how one person's moment of unintended action can lead to major consequences. Needless to say, we all blamed Junde.

This trip to Ubin was fun and enriching in so many different ways. I learned things and accomplished many others. It's something I'm gonna take with me for the rest of my life. For it's not everyday I get a second chance to succeed at what I screwed up (Double Dangle Dual). It's not everyday that I get to slide 21.7m in the air. It's not everyday that I get to persevere and try to succeed at things which seem unaccomplishable. It's also not everyday that I get to plant my ass into someone else's face. I realise how lucky and blessed I am to be able to go for ATF. Through all the fun, and pain that will come when my skin starts peeling and my muscle aches, I've learnt things which have to be experienced first-hand. Sometimes life takes us by the hand and leads us to places where we have never been before. Sometimes God tells us things in many small and different ways. And I'm happy and honoured to have shared in this experience with my beloved Squad 4.

In a blink of an eye, March has arrived. Three months ago, I stood on the threshold of what I believe is gonna be the most trying year of my life so far. Now, as the Os draw nearer and nearer, I hope that I can cherish the time left. I hope that I'll leave this school with happy memories and not under a cloud of unhappiness and misery like I left my previous school. I sometimes wonder, if the people that I see everyday has any idea how much of an impact they made on my life. And it is my prayer, that I have been able to have as much of an impact on them, that they have had on me.

I realise that this post might attract many comments and tags. But you're always welcome to do so. For now, this is Dan signing off.