I've found a friend who died for me

Im back with more tales of the Bitch. Now to comment on her very interesting camp that she organised over the weekend. That's right. Weekend. I am personally of the opinion that she is jealous of anyone that has a social life and thus decided to put this wonderful camp of hers on a weekend.

Well, let me first ask this very simple question. If a groundsheet is not meant to be on the ground, then why is it called a groundsheet? I think only she has the answer, screaming at us to take the groundsheet off the ground. At this stage, if I had the power, I would make her sit in a corner with a "dunce" cap on her head. Maybe bimbo is a better word to describe her, but on second thought, she aint pretty. Actually she is. Pretty damn ugly.

Also, what is a camp without a campfire? Just because the campfire committee had tried to make it better for everyone else, she had to try to cancel the whole gig. I wasnt in that comm, but when I heard of it, pissed wasnt the word to describe my feelings. More like Mount Vesuvius. I mean, you make people plan so hard, waste their time and money trying to come up with the best damn campfire they could, only to try and wreck everything. If they wanted to light the candles, I don't see why not. Even if you didn't like it, you should have mentioned it when their proposals were submitted. Do you know how lousy and pissed everyone felt when we heard of that?

After the campfire, she had the cheek and the audacity to punish 4 people. A measly FOUR. What the hell was she playing at? NP motto: One for all, all for one. Damn it, couldn't you talk nicely? Instead you had to make the whole squad look as you made 4 people run 10 rounds at 9pm at night. Why did it take an asthma attack before you could stop them? What kind of sick human being are you? Even for you, that's a real low. This goes out to everyone in Squad 2. I say that the next time she pulls such a thing we tell her to stuff it. Or alternatively, we could not bother about what she says and start running together with them. Call yourself a maam. Call yourself head of welfare for the camp. What a hypocrite.

Talking about hypocrisy, how dare you rant at us for being irresponsible, lacking in team spirit and having no consideration to squadmates when you yourself display these traits? Next time you scold someone, please look into the mirror before you do. Or you end up embarrassing yourself. You preach about good leadership, but do you show it? Display what you preach and everyone will respect you. And I mean real respect, not the fake and phoney respect we force ourselves to give you every Friday.

Welfare lesson 101: Do not ask your cadets to walk 7clicks at 5 am in the morning. Actually, if we had done that, it would have been fine. But no, you ordered us to carry rations,boots,poncho,2 1.5 litre bottles along. And your pace was so damn sickening. FYI, don't ask anyone to run when we are carrying such a load. And you walk so damn fast. Who the hell do you think you are? Everyone knows why you walked so damn fast. Just because you didnt have to carry anything with you doesnt mean you can so conveniently forget about everyone else and force the pace to be so damn fast. Above all else, you could have let us have regular rest periods. Hell no you didnt. It must have beem an interval of 45 mins before our first break.

Oh. I experienced first hand the ultimate idiocy. You just had to throw my efforts down the drain and cancel sentry duty. Again, a pure waste of time. And time equals money.

Who died and made you King Kong? Just cause you're fat aint mean you have the automatic birth right to shout at your whim and fancy at anyone. Just cause you have a permanent frown on your face aint mean you can take it out on me. Or anyone in Squad 2. Mark my words, MAAM, one of these days, you will get your comeuppance. And when that happens, don't blame anyone for laughing in your face. And don't even bother asking for a helping hand cause aint nobody gonna help you. And you deserve this treatment.

Well. I am in a right mood. Had writer's block earlier in the day so couldn't think of anything to describe Shareen. Although I didn't know that one could suffer from writer's block cause one can't phrase their thoughts into civil printable words. Let's start off with her physical appearance.

Her face is so big. Did i say big? Cause I mean huge. Kinda like Ah Meng. But Ah Meng deserves better. Her face is in such bad shape that I personally think she'd look better if a lorry ran over her. For at least 4 times in a row. Her pores practically ooze oil, and it aint a pretty sight. She looks like the type who could tear blotting paper.

Now we go to her neck. This aint scientifcally proven, but she is the first person who doesnt have one. That piece of skin people normally call a neck is barely visible, like her head is detached from her shoulders.

We now go on to her nice li'l flab she pats at night called a tummy. Tummy aint even come close to describing the actual appearance. Her midriff is so darn big. People normally call their abdomens a six-pack. She has a six-pack alright, but there's a big diff. Her six-pack has developed the uncanny ability to wobble at the slightest hint of physical activity.

Continuing the downward journey, we stop at her stumps. I mean legs of course. On first sight it looks like tree stumps. With close to 3 years in the same CCA as her, I have never failed to marvel at how her legs manage to hold up the rest of her body.

All in all, with the oil her body produces and contains, it would normally have been enough to feed the entire continent of Africa.

To be continued...

After what's been a totally exciting year from my side of the pond, I thought that I would sit down and give out a few awards a la Oscars/Emmys/People's Choice kinda thing. Only this one, is firmly restricted to NPCC only.Here goes. *please clap for the first ever annual npcc people's choice awards* Awards with total walkover results will be classed with (Unanimous)

Best Moment of the Year--> Shareen gets scolded by OIC Mr Tien (Unanimous)

Best Event of the Year--> Leisure Camp 2005

Best WCI of the Year--> Jocelyn (Unanimous)

Best CI of the Year--> Derrick Yip

Best News of the Year--> Kean Loong returns as CI in 2006 (Unanimous)

Best SOB of the year--> Dickson (Unanimous)

Best Bitch of the Year--> Shareen (Unanimous)

That concludes the People's Choice Awards for this year. Remember, all voting is fair and all outcomes are agreed upon.

Hello my medal-winning friend. How are you feeling this morning? I hope you slept well. Now the comments I am about to make are very harsh, so are you sure you can take it?

First of all, I would like to spell out your physical looks. No matter what people tell you in the future, you DO have a Mr Potato Head face. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. At least you are a limited edition Potato Head with a special feature. You have acne. I believe you are one of a kind, unique, special,and this proves just that. Make no mistake, the only two differences there are between you and Mark Lee is that he is better looking and that he is actually talented.

Actually, come to think of it, you DO have a talent. In slamming people that is. And FYI, you have a pig face(horror of horrors I just unwittingly slammed Sista Pig.No offence.SERIOUSLY.). Like Hokkien people say, you have a SI PANG NAO and a TU BIN(ie square-brain-pig-face, basically the worst face-brain combi in the history of God's Green Earth).

Continuing on, you deserve another award. This one is for the person with the worst dress sense EVER. Now considering that you beat Michael Jackson to the award, I must truly congratulate you. Seriously. I mean, who wears boxers so high that even when one wears Full U I still can see your PURPLE boxers. Note to Potato Head: Purple is the international colour for faggots my pimply faced friend.

At this point, I would like to ask: Can you take my comments? *Thrusts chest out and beats it*.You must take my comments, we are MEN and you should be able to. Note: My comments are not directed to you, and I am definitely not trying to slam you. This is USEFUL criticism which you should work on to improve.

Did you know? You won a Guinness World Record for longest sock pull length. How long is long? VERY. It's about the length from your toes to the top of your knee cap. Hey hey Potato Head, that long socks aint called socks no more man. They're usually called pantyhoses/stockings dumbass. What makes this worse? The colour of your socks is black.

I nearly forgot something. Your nice out-of-date black full-framed rimmed glasses. Hey pal, 1998 called, and they say they are sick and tired of you. Also, they tell me we can have you back ANYTIME(btw it IS 2005 already if you haven't noticed). Pay attention: it's either half-framed or frameless glasses.

What can make your physical appearance look better? Let's see. I think Extreme Makeover would consider you extremely ugly and too over-the-hill to have a makeover. The Swan would never give you a free makeover cause they don't want to have a swansong just yet. Therefore basically, unless some reality TV show pops out in the near distant future that provides free makeovers for worthless people, you sure as hell ain't gonna get one. Cause you're too cheapo to spend money to have a real one.

Weeellll. This brings me to the end of my evaluation of Potato Head. I know my comments were harsh, but I am doing this FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Thank you for your kind attention. Final evaluation: You have the physical presence of a total loser. With a capital L.

WELL. I have to start off by saying this: Not many people succeed in making me angry. I mean really make my blood boil. In that sense, I have to congratulate you on your wonderful achievement. You ask my friends, and most describe me as easygoing. Thanks to your choice comments, you have become the first person to really irritate me. I believe you should get a medal for that. (Round of applause)

With that, I have to give you credit for your choice comments. Firstly, ask around. Who in the world likes to be slammed? You must think I do. You ridicule my plans and without even looking at it for 3mins you start finding fault with it. You jolly well know that I do not have much experience in planning things such as freaking sentry duty. Instead of nicely pointing out my mistakes, you have to put them in such a way that my mistakes are punishable by law. Well what a nice way of encouraging me along. THANK YOU.

Secondly, when giving your feedback, you just have to aim a whole lot of criticism at me. "You are very rude", "You dont treat your teammates well", "You dont give a shit about what your teammates have to say". Wow thanks man. Yes I know some of my comments are not pleasing, but they sure are not rude. If I dont treat my teammates well, how come I am on good terms with almost everyone? How come no one has accused me of lacking a team spirit before today? Would I still be asking for everyone's opinion if I dont care what they think or feel? Would I still be so offended by your comments? HELL NO.

Thirdly, do NOT impose your comments on others. After you slam me you have the cheek and the audacity to ask if I can swallow your comments. Well the way I see it if I said no you would have continued about my attitude and thus make me even madder still. I thus gracefully accept your comments. I would like you to know that the only thing stopping me from retorting and rebutting everything you said is the fact that you are a sir. Make no mistake about it, if it had been someone else totally unrelated and who had never worked with me in the past that made those comments I would have totally embarrassed him or her right there and then on the opt.This is NPCC and in it, I will give you the respect your rank deserves but outside of NP, you have just lost ALL my respect, if there ever was, for you as a fellow human being.

I would just like to drop a gentle reminder: NEVER EVER EVER EVER insult another person's character or put across such brazen comments that make yours truly sound so chauvinistic. I would like to remind you that you have never worked alongside me before and my way of talking to others is one and the same; as that I treat everyone equally. Why I answered their queries in such a manner, well let me remind you that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and I just find their queries not very well thought out and had no grounds to worry.

It isnt the criticisms that I'm angry about. Rather, it's more about the things you said which apparently you never stopped to consider how I would feel. And I also think it's right down crude to ask if I can take your comments when you jolly well never spared a thought before you made those right down crappy comments. I AM a team player and how I display it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Being a sir means to guide and lead your cadets in the best way possible. That's the kind of sir which I would respect in and out of NP. If being a sir gave me the right to slam and make crude remarks, I would much rather NOT be one.