Reflections of PAE
Hey all. It's nice to be back after a short while. I wanna talk about some random stuff today, including some updates of JC life.
I wanna thank all the wonderful fantabulous people who've been part of OG8. Each one of you have made it wonderfully easy for me to adapt to JC life, during the first six weeks of 2008. Although with all the ponning, I dunno how effective that will turn out. Well, you guys have been a real integral part of these first few weeks, considering that I didnt know anyone of you prior to the date 1st Jan 2008. Obviously Kyna counts otherwise, but then again maybe not. Cos I did know her before 1st Jan 2008, but I didnt know she was coming to NY. The point is, that you've all made a huge impact, and I hope I have too!
Which brings me to my next point. I realised that in the last six weeks, the only times I felt really at home, comfortable and most importantly, like myself, was when I was with OG8. No offence towards the seminar people, but I've just been unable to bond fully with them. The ice has yet to be broken, and I find myself keeping quiet and basically stoning in one corner during lectures and seminars, just because I can't find common topics to bond with the others. I would safely say that I'm the closest to the retainees, yet within the seminar, I've made many worthwhile acquaintances. I say acquaintances, cos really, the ice has yet to be broken. I don't blame anyone but myself for this failure to meet and make a good friend in the seminar, cos honestly, I really haven't taken the effort to get to know them, nor allowed them to get to know me. So I realise I'm in no position to complain about no friends or anything else, cos the opportunities were there, it's just that the opportunities were not taken. And at the end of the day, I can only say that I'm happy to have seen the same faces during the seminars, and that I'm happy that I at least recognise them on a name-to-name basis. But am I contented with the way things turned out? No. Cos I look back, and I realise that for every opportunity to get to know the seminar people better that I spurned, the others had the same to get to know me. And mutually, without knowing, we just drew into our shells and decided that we werent gonna get to know each other. It's therefore ironic to then say that I don't blame them, cos seriously, I don't. Perhaps I didnt do enough to show that I wanted to care and that I wanted to make friends. At the end of the day, I made choices, and unfortunately or fortunately, the choices were centered around being with the OG.
The point I'm trying to make is that life is full of choices. When we look back and see the road not taken, we see what could have been. And that's full of regrets. The opportunities lost never return in the same form, so am I a little regretful at the way things turned out? Probably. I realise that at the end of the day, I made conscious choices, not realising the consequences that would follow. So the phrase that I used during the ill-fated GP presentation, comes back to haunt me sooner than I thought it would. The choices we make today, impact our lives tomorrow. Thr irony is not lost on me now. Which is why I realise that I have no right to complain or whine about people not allowing me to fit in, when I recall, that I chose not to fit in, due to some reason or other. I therefore cannot be that unreasonable and demanding, to accuse or to be frustrated at not making friends, or not being allowed into cliques, cos in reality, I myself didnt make friends, nor did I allow people to see me for who I really am.
So once again, to the people who are reading this, I'm really not blaming anyone for my failure to make more friends than I did. In fact, I could, but I'd choose to focus on the positives, and thank God that I made enough friends as it is, and that I was surrounded by a wonderful OG, which made initiation into JC life much more easier and comfortable than I thought it would be. I'm merely discussing what could have been, so I hope no offence will be taken. I'll be back soon with other thoughts and stuff, so till then, it's Dan signing off. God bless to all!
