Reflections.
Hey all. Back after a short enforced hiatus due to my com kena-ing some kinda virus/spyware crap. It was a blessing in disguise, cos I took the opportunity to reflect on stuff and really put some thought into other things that admittedly, I didnt really think about before. Bear with me and for those who don't know what's up, don't bother figuring out.
1) I looked back over the last four years. I've realised how far I've come, how far we've all come. If anyone had told me what I'd be in for at that time four years ago I think I would have considered the person mental. I've made so many friends, so many people had impacts on my life. I wonder what I'd be, had each and everyone of my dear friends not been in my life and taught me that many lessons. Some lessons I've learnt the hard way, some through talking to friends and some through giving advice. I'll post a more elaborate post during the final days of the year and I promise I'll put down the names of the people who really have changed me and the people I hope I have made an impact on as well.
2) Many may not know this. When I first entered NCHS, I had just emerged from a primary school which provided me with many experiences. I didn't have any friends, and the one I thought was closest had turned his back. I entered NCHS shattered in confidence and not knowing what life had to offer. I can safely say that in six months in NCHS, I made more friends than I did in six years previously. And these people became the lighthouses for me, the guiding lights that steered me to shore when I was stranded with no direction in life. Because of them I strived to be the person that they could turn to in need, cos that's what they did for me. I love all of them like brothers and sisters, and I can only say, that you all (you know who you are) made me who I am today, and for that I can't thank you guys enough.
3) I know, I know, this has been coming for quite a while. I just wanna state that I aint gonna apologise for anything that I don't feel sorry for, cos I want apologies to be more than just freaking words. I know how egotistical that sounds. I'll say this though. Of all the times I DID apologise, I meant every word of it. I don't care if you believed them, but I did. I wish I could say my conscience is clear, but fact is that it hardly is. This may sound condescending, but what makes you think I sleep well at night, knowing what I've done is donkeyish? What makes you think I enjoyed seeing what once was and could have been a great friendship totally break down? What makes you think I don't feel guilty enough to put you through all that? 9 times out of 10 I struggled making the decisions that I knew would be cruel. And I'm still struggling with the repercussions of those decisions that cost me a good friendship at the very least. Call me egotistical and not tactful and aloof all you want, 10 times out of 10 it's a facade to hide an also aching heart that is pained by the way things turned out. Not a day goes by that I don't wish things could have turned out differently, that we could turn back time and make things work our better. Saying all these is useless now, I know that. And I also know that I don't care how things turn out, I just want things to turn out right. I know I've erred in many ways, but I ain't perfect, and I don't profess to be. Being able to patch and end things on a good note, would be the best damn Christmas present I could have this year. And that isnt bullcrap, it isnt sweet-talking, it isnt being egotistical, it isnt said just for the sake of saying. That's from the heart, believe it or not, cos I do have one too.
For those who are reading this, if you don't know what's going on, or if you don't know me well enough to be in a position to comment, don't. I don't think you'd like the consequences. Till the next time, which should ideally be around Christmas or so, this is Dan signing off.
