A final tribute for my grandmother
Hey all. I'm back after what has been a real struggle. Now that the O's are over, I just wanna update my blog and the things that has happened in my life since that last post.
I remember stating that my grandmother had fully recovered from a mild stroke. It was not to be, as she passed on to greater glory on 22 August 2007. While we were mentally prepared for that to happen, the sudden timing of it really sparked my thoughts. I don't recall ever telling my grandmother that I love her. But I do. And I hope that my actions have shown that over the course of the last 16 years. I just wanna take this opportunity to express my last regards for my grandmother. You guys don't have to read on if you're not interested.
For 16 years, the phrase "You only miss something when it is taken away from you forever" seemed like one of the greatest cliches to me. In the last few months, however, I've fully understood the reality of that statement. When I have a spare moment, my thoughts inevitably turn towards my grandmother, terribly missing the 5minute trips to her house that I made every month to give her the daily essential items she needed. I miss going to her place, miss all the memories I share with her, knowing that from now on, that will be all that's left. Memories. Suddenly, it all seems like a shadow of a dream. I miss updating her on my studies and my life, which ironically, I'd have deemed a hassle in the past. I miss all that, and more.
But she, like my grandfather, who preceded her Home three years ago, was a strong willed person. Both of their fighting spirit were never gone, and it never waned, even in the last days of their lives. Even till their last breaths, they fought and clung on stubbornly. My grandfather fought off pneumonia for two whole weeks before he passed on. And that's no mean feat for a person aged 84. My grandmother fought and clung on and refused to go without a fight, even in her last days, when all her internal organs had failed or were failing, and she could neither eat nor talk. What she did, spoke more volumes than any words could. She fought courageously, for each breath, not giving up despite all the effort it took her just to BREATHE. They are, in my opinion, like boxers who had undefeated careers. Yeah, they passed away. But I'd like to think that they died undefeated by all the demons of illness and disease that plagued them.
In both life and death, my grandparents were both very stubborn. They refused offer after offer from us to move in, wanting to stay indepedent. If there was anything that riled my grandfather, it was having to rely on others. He rode a bicycle to the wet market every other day, despite being well into his seventies. If Jun Ting can do that at age 70, I'll personally kowtow to him. My grandmother refused a maid until she could not walk without assistance. Even in her last days, she allowed her stubbornness to shine through, refusing the aid of artificial oxygen even when her lungs had shut down. It doesn't matter that they were old or not "cool", what matters come from within.
Their stubbornnes often equaled resoluteness. My grandfather spent his last years without an inkling of who we were, after a blow to his head wiped out all his memory. The old sparkle in his eye was gone, but he never gave up, never quit trying to connect names to faces. My grandmother experienced her share of troubles too. She saw her youngest and favourite son pass away a full decade before she did. She saw her second son's business fail and with it, all or most of her life savings. She survived a bout of breast cancer and two relapses. The point? She never gave in, despite all the obstacles put in her way by the Devil. Despite all the misfortune, she lived the creed my grandfather used to speak about whenever obstacles stood in their way. "Let it Be". They were living testament that it's possible to have troubles and yet remain positive. And compared to mine, what right do I have to complain about the hand that life has dealt me? What right do I have to be negative, when they didn't?
Some have asked if they gave in, or we pulled the plug. Let it be known, that they never gave in. Why would they, when they regarded death as life's next big adventure, to steal a quote from JK Rowling. In fact, my grandmother was not on any medication or treatment for five full years before she passed on. She made a full recovery from a mild stroke at age 87. What mental strength must one have to pull through all that? They definitely welcomed death with open arms.
Their mantra was that of all the obstacles there would be in life, the last one they'd overcome would be death. In my mind, they are more than conquerors, and they deserve the utmost respect that I can give. Death, was regarded, as the longest and most peaceful sleep of life. I can only pray, that I can be that strong, and that fearless of death, when my time comes as well. I can only pray, that I will be able to live a life that will have the hallmarks that they displayed. By faith, I hope that now, when they're in a better place, they can look down and be proud of the life that I lead. They're now in a place devoid of all suffering and agony. There's no more crying, no more pain. Instead, what awaits them is eternal peace, and the one place where roses don't have thorns, and life IS a bed of roses. I won't ever forget the look on my grandmother's face as the lid of her coffin was shut. It was a look that exuded indescribable peace, and for as long as I could remember, a face that was not contorted in pain.
Thanks to all who're reading this. I'll be back soon with other updates. Till then, this is Dan, signing off, with the epitaph that is on my grandmother's headstone, which I had the last honour of choosing.
"I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith"
( 2 Tim 4:7 )
