I've found a friend who died for me

Hey all. Back after a short hiatus and a chalet with my beloved 4 Farmers. Would now like to share some of my reflections, so I'm sorry in advance if my feelings are not shared.

Last night, or this morning if you wanna be technical, a few of us sat around the bbq pit polishing off the chicken wings. I dunno what happened, but we suddenly went silent, each lost in our thoughts. I looked around and saw the many different, yet colourful characters and personalities that made up and is the very essence of 4F. We had so much fun over the course of the last two years, and it just suddenly struck me, and perhaps almost all present, that it was truly the last night that we could be together, under the label of "classmates". For in a short while, we have to take on the label of "EX-classmates", and gone will be the days where we could laugh together like we did for the last two years. Somehow, there was an unspoken warmth and I get the feeling that there were many words left unsaid, that it didn't seem fitting enough to be a full stop that capped the last two years. It was a nice experience to be sitting together and talking, and I think it's just me, but somehow, I think we all realised it was all coming to an end. And I don't think anybody wanted it to end.

The most eventful thing of the chalet was the "explosion" of the makeshift BBQ pit, the details of which most likely will be found on the blogs of others. What I wanna talk about, is the aftermath of the explosion, which to me, really underlined the extent of our friendship. In some, the leadership qualities took over and started damage control. Some tended to the wounded. Some rushed out a contingency plan. The point? I saw so many people working together to salvage the situation, which to me underlines the genuine love, care and concern we all have for each other. Despite the many differences we might have from person to person, it is clear that we can put those differences aside and put our heads together to work towards a common goal. So the question that remains, is this. Why don't we? Sure, the one common goal we all had is over, but the journey of life means more than just results. On this journey of life, we reach many roadblocks and detours, but we find ways around them, not stop completely. I know my voice doesnt amount to much, but I really wish, and hope, that we all can part on happy terms as a class, and not end two really great years with ill feelings. Maybe it's too much to ask, but can't we just shelve aside our pride and settle all disagreements amicably, so that we can put a wonderful full stop, instead of a messy one? Can't we just all be a little selfless, end this journey appropriately, and start the next journey, the one we walk together as friends, on the right note?

Relationships splinter, and relationships crack. Relationships may not all last long and be marathons, but at least we can say that we tried repairing the cracks. Sure, it may be just plastering over the cracks, but at least we can say we did that. At least we didn't just not do anything. I'd like to believe that trying and failing is better than not trying at all. So my plea is this -- let's settle our differences and not part on bad terms. Let's try to show the genuine concern and love without the need for an unforseen circumstance to catalyse these feelings. Why bother to have anger and misunderstandings ruin the relationships that we've built up over four years? What does that acheive, but more anger, heartache, unhappiness and disappoinment? We've shown in the past that we can be united, so why don't we? Is pride really that important? Like the saying goes, don't wait for the hearse to take you to church, and in the same way, should we let something really major happen before we wake up and regret not repairing those cracks? And when that time comes, won't regretting be too late?

I know, that I have no business saying what I'm about to say. I hope those reading will respect my point of view. Lately, it has come to my attention (Ah shucks that just sounded so formal) that there has been a few internal conflicts among the class. I just wanna take this opportunity to voice my opinion. People may call me idealistic or whatnot, but I believe, that we can put our heads together to solve the issues. I know how difficult it can be for two people at loggerheads to settle things amicably and not let issues boil over for too long. I've struggled with that before, and in fact, I have just been involved in a similar situation, in which I have been quick to blame and slow to forgive. There are always two sides to a coin, and likewise, why should either side be quick to insist that they are absolutely right? In sixteen years, if there's something I've learnt, it's that nobody can be absolutely right, all the time. So maybe we should all take a step back, and then reflect on our position through the eyes of others. Maybe then, we'll start understanding the actual position and stand that we are taking. Maybe then, we'll be able to glue together the fragments of our friendship.

Me, as a silent observer, I'm deeply saddened by the twist in our friendships. I wonder what has happened to the old 4F, when we would laugh together and be truly united, even if it meant at the expense of others. Does that mean that at the end of four years, when we stand before the raging vortex that threatens to consume our very souls and spit out our remains mercilessly that is society, we have started to adopt the very mentality that is the hallmark of society? Have we started forsaking friends for personal gain? Have we started building an axis around us for the world to spin around? What has happened to our childhood innocence, that the extent of our arguments has to grow from "I don't friend you already" to "Just leave me alone, I dun care if you live or die"? Does that mean that once we hit age 16, we must start adopting society's approach to caring for our fellow man? And talking about society, why must we conform to the definition of normal by society? Can't we just live our lives the way we want to, as long as our consciences are clear? Yes, it's an idealistic Nirvana, but if we work together, we as the next generation can and will make that a reality.

Hey all. I'm back after what has been a real struggle. Now that the O's are over, I just wanna update my blog and the things that has happened in my life since that last post.

I remember stating that my grandmother had fully recovered from a mild stroke. It was not to be, as she passed on to greater glory on 22 August 2007. While we were mentally prepared for that to happen, the sudden timing of it really sparked my thoughts. I don't recall ever telling my grandmother that I love her. But I do. And I hope that my actions have shown that over the course of the last 16 years. I just wanna take this opportunity to express my last regards for my grandmother. You guys don't have to read on if you're not interested.

For 16 years, the phrase "You only miss something when it is taken away from you forever" seemed like one of the greatest cliches to me. In the last few months, however, I've fully understood the reality of that statement. When I have a spare moment, my thoughts inevitably turn towards my grandmother, terribly missing the 5minute trips to her house that I made every month to give her the daily essential items she needed. I miss going to her place, miss all the memories I share with her, knowing that from now on, that will be all that's left. Memories. Suddenly, it all seems like a shadow of a dream. I miss updating her on my studies and my life, which ironically, I'd have deemed a hassle in the past. I miss all that, and more.

But she, like my grandfather, who preceded her Home three years ago, was a strong willed person. Both of their fighting spirit were never gone, and it never waned, even in the last days of their lives. Even till their last breaths, they fought and clung on stubbornly. My grandfather fought off pneumonia for two whole weeks before he passed on. And that's no mean feat for a person aged 84. My grandmother fought and clung on and refused to go without a fight, even in her last days, when all her internal organs had failed or were failing, and she could neither eat nor talk. What she did, spoke more volumes than any words could. She fought courageously, for each breath, not giving up despite all the effort it took her just to BREATHE. They are, in my opinion, like boxers who had undefeated careers. Yeah, they passed away. But I'd like to think that they died undefeated by all the demons of illness and disease that plagued them.

In both life and death, my grandparents were both very stubborn. They refused offer after offer from us to move in, wanting to stay indepedent. If there was anything that riled my grandfather, it was having to rely on others. He rode a bicycle to the wet market every other day, despite being well into his seventies. If Jun Ting can do that at age 70, I'll personally kowtow to him. My grandmother refused a maid until she could not walk without assistance. Even in her last days, she allowed her stubbornness to shine through, refusing the aid of artificial oxygen even when her lungs had shut down. It doesn't matter that they were old or not "cool", what matters come from within.

Their stubbornnes often equaled resoluteness. My grandfather spent his last years without an inkling of who we were, after a blow to his head wiped out all his memory. The old sparkle in his eye was gone, but he never gave up, never quit trying to connect names to faces. My grandmother experienced her share of troubles too. She saw her youngest and favourite son pass away a full decade before she did. She saw her second son's business fail and with it, all or most of her life savings. She survived a bout of breast cancer and two relapses. The point? She never gave in, despite all the obstacles put in her way by the Devil. Despite all the misfortune, she lived the creed my grandfather used to speak about whenever obstacles stood in their way. "Let it Be". They were living testament that it's possible to have troubles and yet remain positive. And compared to mine, what right do I have to complain about the hand that life has dealt me? What right do I have to be negative, when they didn't?

Some have asked if they gave in, or we pulled the plug. Let it be known, that they never gave in. Why would they, when they regarded death as life's next big adventure, to steal a quote from JK Rowling. In fact, my grandmother was not on any medication or treatment for five full years before she passed on. She made a full recovery from a mild stroke at age 87. What mental strength must one have to pull through all that? They definitely welcomed death with open arms.

Their mantra was that of all the obstacles there would be in life, the last one they'd overcome would be death. In my mind, they are more than conquerors, and they deserve the utmost respect that I can give. Death, was regarded, as the longest and most peaceful sleep of life. I can only pray, that I can be that strong, and that fearless of death, when my time comes as well. I can only pray, that I will be able to live a life that will have the hallmarks that they displayed. By faith, I hope that now, when they're in a better place, they can look down and be proud of the life that I lead. They're now in a place devoid of all suffering and agony. There's no more crying, no more pain. Instead, what awaits them is eternal peace, and the one place where roses don't have thorns, and life IS a bed of roses. I won't ever forget the look on my grandmother's face as the lid of her coffin was shut. It was a look that exuded indescribable peace, and for as long as I could remember, a face that was not contorted in pain.

Thanks to all who're reading this. I'll be back soon with other updates. Till then, this is Dan, signing off, with the epitaph that is on my grandmother's headstone, which I had the last honour of choosing.

"I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith"
( 2 Tim 4:7 )