Family emergency
Hey all.
Originally wanted to seize the last few moments of 07/07/07 to blog about my four glorious years in NPCC. A last minute emergency, however, has caused me to temporarily shelve that aside.
My father and I went out for dinner together, cos my mum was at a friend's place. As we ordered the food, I was hoping we'd get done asap cos I wanted to watch Live Earth. However, we soon got a call from my grandma's maid, saying grandma kept vomiting and was in pain. We rushed through dinner and went to her place.
There, as we entered the flat, I could hear my grandma crying out in pain. I entered her room and there she was, lying on the bed, not having the energy to even roll around in pain. All she could do was to cry out and ask the pain to stop, ask someone to make it stop. She cried out that she was dying, and that she wanted her Father God to save her from the pain.
What could I do? Nothing, except sit there like a useless piece of shit and hear her cries of pain, feeling her pain in my body as well. Also knowing that the pain she was feeling translated into many times than I could imagine. Sitting there in the brown chair in her bedroom, I could do nothing. The more she cried out and the more she vomited phlegm, the more sick to the stomach I got, willing the ambulance to arrive faster.
I've never felt so useless and helpless in my life. I wished I could take away her pain. I wished I could be the one in pain, instead of her. I closed my eyes, hoping it would minimize the cries of pain. As I closed my eyes, her cries seemed to amplify and reveberate ever louder than before. And I could do nothing.
Nobody can tell me they know how I felt at that time, unless they've been through the same thing.
Nobody can tell me how I felt when I stayed at home alone, waiting for word from the hospital.
Nobody can tell me how I felt when anger and confusion burned through me, realising it had been 3hours before the hospital would ward my grandma.
Nobody can tell me how long it felt, those moments in her room, her cries of pain flooding my ears and my mind.
Nobody can tell me how I felt when I heard that the doctors could not give her any medication or operate on her, cos she was too weak.
Nobody can tell me how I felt when I heard that all the docs could do was to make her as comfortable as possible, for the time being.
Nobody can tell me how I will feel if that is to be my last image of her in her home, crying out in pain.
I keep telling people around me not to think too negatively. Perhaps it's time for me to take my own advice. I'll be strong, hoping my grandma will feel the strength in me. I'll be faithful, hoping God will take away her pain. And no matter what, I'll still praise God.
I'm sorry if the old Daniel isn't around mentally for the next few days.
I'll be back soon. I promise.
The post about NP will come soon. I promise.
One request for now. Keep my grandma in your thoughts and prayers, my faithful readers. That's what I'd like you people to do for me. Thanks.
Dan is signing off now.
