Hey all. For now, 2007 has gotten off to a pretty mundane start. Everyday's kinda filled with the same stuff. School, homework, teachers, tuition blablabla. Anyway, I just wanna talk about NP for now. I wanna address the issues that for a long while, I've been avoiding or pushing to the back of my mind.
Firstly, is the POP. I know this will strike a raw nerve with those NP squadmates reading this. Let's not hide from it. Let's face up to the facts. Pretty soon, we'll be passing out and our four year tenure in NPCC will come to a end for most of us. Everyone's feeling sad and downcast about that. I am too. But should we just focus on the bleakness of that scenario? Or should we look back with pride and happiness at the last four years? I believe that I speak for all of us when I say that the last four years has been a blast and that it damn sure isn't a waste of time. But there must be an end to all good things, likewise our time together. I cannot state the importance of all of you in my life, and I hope you guys had a great time while our lives intertwined for this four short but sweet years. All of you have made a big impact in my life.
Secondly, I would like to give my thoughts on the upcoming staff sergeant promotion test. J Quek's MSN nick goes something like this. "jt says mr tien says ssgt promotion test 'll be held before end of jan". I realize that my chances of promotion are next to none. I look around me, and my fellow sergeants are mostly on par with me in drills and theory stuff, but I know I'll lose out big time when it comes to campcraft. I know my campcraft, from Sec 1 till now, is horrible, terrible and incorrigible. I have to be realistic, for its high time I woke up from my dreamland. I'm not of a good enough standard to be promoted.
Once upon a time, I thought I was better than the rest. I thought I was the best. I didnt think too highly of my squadmates. Now, being around them for close to four years, I have to eat my thoughts. I recognize that they are much better. I know I've lost out to the best, both in character and in practicality. I'll never have the hands-on skills that they have. It took me long enough to know that, but gone is the superior complex and the jealousy and the egoism.
Furthermore, my previous haughtiness and lack of respect for my squadmates have not given the CIs the best impression of me. I know many still outwardly praise me but inwardly think I'm a no good asshole. Also, this promotion is a big one. Therefore, Maam J will have to discuss with the TOs and other CIs who to promote. With some of my squadmates going to get backing from HO Derrick, I know my chances are less than 10% to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being negative, I'm just being practical.
Gone are the days in which I'll be over-confident or kid myself that I'm that damn good. I know I'm not. I'm over that. Yes, I want to get promoted. I'd love to. But I've said this many a time. It hurts to wanna do so much and wanna accomplish so much, but not having the chances to do so. Having said that, there are many obstacles to overcome. I know that. But this is my pledge. I'll try my very best, put in my utmost dedication to NP no matter what. After that, what happens happens. For no one can close the doors that God opens. And only He knows the plans He has in store for me. Plans that wont harm me, but prosper me. I'll put my faith in that. No matter what, I wont bear any grudges or feel jealous about anything. If I lose out in getting that promotion, then I'll take heart in the fact that I'm losing out the very best people.
Anyway, getting promoted means the shortlist for SI/CI rank is getting shorter. I told myself a long time ago, when I saw the type of people who got that rank. I told myself I'd forbid myself from getting that rank if it'll give me such pride and cockiness (I'm leaving Maam J and HO Derrick outta this). I was disappointed in the type of people that got the rank. For almost all who got the rank got it through endless bootlicking and in my impression, have never deserved the rank. In the immortal words of Maam J,"Rank is what you get. Respect is what you earn".My sentiments exactly. I would much rather earn the respect as a sergeant than become a CI that nobody looks up to outside of NP. At the end of my tenure in NP, I wanna leave with my head held high, able to tell myself that I have not compromised on my principles and character for personal gain. I wanna leave with my integrity and dignity intact. For at the end of all this, all that's reflected of NP is gonna be a rank and a CCA grade. But what becomes of my dignity and integrity, lasts forever.
Promotion is something I WANT. It isnt something I NEED. There's a difference. So if I get it, I'll be happy but I wont become filled with pride. But if don't, I wont eat my heart out. There are many other things in the world that's worth really striving for. This isnt one of them.
I know this post'll probably get loadsa opinions. But one thing is true. I speak from the bottom of my heart. You guys can post all the opinions, but nothing's gonna change mine. Till the next time, this is Dan signing off.
