Let Go,Let God

Last post of 2009!

2009-12-31T19:13:00.003+08:00

Hey y'all, dropping by for a while to wish one and all a happy 2010, 2009 has been an eye-opening year for me. It certainly took it's toll on me, physically, mentally, emotionally.

2010 - NS YEAR. Ah crap.

Anyway, I'll be back tmr to post more reflection/resolutions for the next year...as well as the yearly tradition of the Daniel awards! HAHAHA.

God bless. Tuhan Menjakati!

I shall close with the favourite phrase I've posted here in the last year.

"Love is a funny thing
It bends
It mends
It rends"

The difference between excuses and reasons, are that excuses are more contrived bullshit.

Have I ever mentioned that I really dislike hypocrites? Practise what you preach, if not shut up.

Till the next time, Dan is signing off.

Christmas musings

2009-12-25T14:01:00.002+08:00

I've finally remembered my Blogger password!

Blessed Christmas to one and all, it's been an eon since I've last posted here.

Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart. It's so commercialised, it's really quite sickening. People are so damn caught up in the moment and giving gifts for the sake of giving, that everyone loses sight of what Christmas really stands for. Christmas is not just a day, a holiday or a season, it's really a state of mind. Why give for the sake of giving? It cheapens the gifts that you sincerely give, really.

For me, a simple card works best. Always has, always does, hope it always will.

And this Christmas, I really wanna just count my blessings.

I'm blessed to have a complete, wonderful family that loves each other. My parents just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, and while we grumble about each other at times, it's all good when we wake up the next morning once again.

I'm blessed to have my MJK, 7 other stupid people linked only by the class we all were in together, coming from different walks of life to form quite the awesome clique. Yes, though some things never change, and we (ahem Ireallymeanme) bitch to each other alot about "stuff", I guess being able to freely express myself without having to bother too much is a blessing. Well...maybe not to Stacy.

I'm blessed to have been put in Nanyang JC, 3 minutes from my house, that I'm almost never late, though always almost late also, especially for 7.30am Lit lessons. I've met many wonderfully insane teachers whom have provided the backbone of the last two great years of my life, providing awesome insights in the process. I must admit, I never would have expected to be typing this paragraph two years ago, never would have anticipated forming any sort of attachment to a school. I'm glad to be proven wrong, and I guess I'll always see Nanyang JC as my alma mater.

I'm blessed to be in 0836, a class with many distinctly -hemhem- different personalities and temperaments, yet somehow in the last year have managed to put all those differences aside to strive to get the best A level results we can get. What doesnt break us will make us stronger, and the A levels didn't break us. I hope we can keep in contact, it will be intriguing to see what our lives will be like, 10 years from now xD.

I'm blessed to have had many friends, to have been able to play the role of encourager, listener, brother and confidante to many people thus far. Along the way there have been bumps, knocks and scratches, but truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way. I've learnt alot about myself just listening to others, and while I wouldnt call it a gift some of the time, this gift of language I have that's been given to me by God has really helped me to empathize and put into words what otherwise is seemingly more difficult to do so. So to those whom I call my sisters, my brothers, my friends, thank you for being part of my life, thank you for the disappointments, the heart-wrenches, the sharing, the tears and the emotions, thank you for making such an awesome impact on my life. I only hope I've made a lasting impact on yours.

I'm really blessed. And that's the gift I'm giving myself this Christmas. The realisation of how smooth sailing my life has been, and just how much God has blessed me with over the last 18 years. And this gift is priceless. Cos Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart. It's happened in mine, how about yours?

Change

2009-09-24T09:44:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the Portuguese subtitles, couldn't find another one. The song speaks to me, and I believe a certain number of people as well, sitting for As and JC life about to come to an end, or even just personally. Whatever. Just drop me a tag. The lyrics are below.

What do you do
When the things you once had
Aren't what they were anymore?
Remember the day
When you sat right here
And to be with you forever I swore
Faces you knew come along that don't look
Like what you remember at all
Pictures that stay in your mind
And don't leave
But still end up somehow different than before

Perfect picture of you and I
Fading faster and I think I know why
Gone without me to the other side
Must I follow, leave the old me behind?

Change
It spins us round and bends us down
Turns us inside out
Change
It melts us down, moulds us round
Into who we are
Into who we are
Into who we are

What do you do when it's hard to recall
The things you miss the most?
10,000 miles away
From the place you used to call home sweet home
Memory fades and it comes, well it goes
You'll forget it all

Perfect picture of you and I
Fading faster and I think I know why
Gone without me to the other side
Must I follow, leave the old me behind?

Change
It spins us round and bends us down
Turns us inside out
Change
It melts us down, moulds us round
Into who we are
Into who we are
Into who we are

Jokes you used to tell
The way things used to smell
Expressions on your face
Wouldn't want it any other way
I'd whisper in your ear
Always hold you near
We were heading for the ground
Didn't ever want any of it to change
All those happy thoughts
I never did give up
Always tried so hard until reality walked through my door
The lighting it grew thin
The flame it grew too dim
Do you want to change
The real person that you are today?

What do you do
When the things you once had
Aren't what they were anymore?
Remember the day
When you sat right here
And to be with you forever I swore

This is Dan signing off. Agape and shalom. =)

The Keng of Cheese

2009-08-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

Hey all. Just felt like taking a break tonight, and to blog. Yeah, getting the blogging itch. Mainly to push down the emo-nemo Chinese post that is largely irrelevant now.

Yes, as the title suggests...this is gonna be a long cheesy post. Mainly dedicated to three other people. But then again, mainly just to one. Three people who really by all regards have no business hanging out with each other, but yet still do. Three people whom at this time last year, I never would have dreamed of forging such close bonds with.

At the back of my mind, I always had the realisation and the knowledge that the bonds were special, were not of the ordinary. I guess it never really dawned upon me how really unique our friendships really are, until the activity we had to do for CT. The task was simple - list the most memorable thing in NYJC to you.

I started out my response from the heart, and I ended up writing close to a page worth. The line that stood out the most was close to the end. "We have everything to gain and everything to lose...and if I succeed in conquering As, they will have had a huge part to play in it.". Simple words...but I meant every word of it. The four of us, we're a tight unit, each with our flaws and stupidity, but hey, the sum of the parts will never be greater than the whole.

The following is for a stupid dawg whom I've come to integrate as a large part of my life. Like the two of us have recounted many a time, we were strangers when we met for a fleeting moment two years ago, when yes, I absolutely pwned and won a stupid Oratorical competition. She re-entered my life in March this year, and as the saying goes, the rest is history.

I've come to appreciate the finer things in life, and as much as I hate to admit it, I figure I've learnt as much from her as she says she has from me. It's a mutual admiration society, as I'd like to call it. I don't think I ever said this before, but I seriously doubt that anyone has been able to trust me that much that fast. Hell, sometimes I think I don't trust myself that much as compared to her.

She said that if one day I were to go to her and ask that she trust me with her life, she would. I'm a dude that values trust highly, and to receive a pledge of that much trust, means alot. It really does. I don't think I could ever say the same thing to her, (stupidity not factored in). But by all regards, I don't intend to ever cash in and request that from her. Cos of my main guiding principle..."ask from others only what you can give to them in return.".

But hey kid. I guess you should know by now...that I'm not the kinda guy to say what I really feel all the time. Consider yourself honoured to be the first female specimen that's extracting the cheese-mode almost everyday. Do me a favour though, don't ever consider yourself a nuisance or a distraction..cos if need be, I'll make time for you. Always.

The truth of the matter is that you called our relationship weird. I think it's just miraculous. And I wanna see where life and God takes us next. Whatever it is, I don't really care, not now. All I'm bothered with is that we will have each other as pillars of strength (damn I've gotten myself a superbly short pillar). And we will walk down the road ahead hand in hand. Together.

Saranghae. Je'taime. Aishiteru. Ich liebe Dich. Ti amo. Eu te amo. Ik hou van jou. So many languages, one universal meaning. I love you.

And this part here is for another special person. You know who you are. As always, if you're questioning if this is meant for you, it probably isn't. Thank you, northern star. You've done your duty awesomely. Moving on was a long time ago decision. I just wish that really really, one day we can talk about what has transpired like the rational people we really are. I don't know how you feel, but hey, I'm always a message away. Always have been, always will be.

I shall end with a poem. Self constructed, a la BKC. This is dedicated to my lil dawg.

Love is a funny thing
It bends
It mends
It rends

Dare to love and dare to lose
Dare to dream and dare to believe
Dare to see the unseen
And hear the unheard

Thoughts unspoken
Words unsaid
I always thought I lost the will to love
Till I met you

Through the years
Many a love song's been written
None says it simply as this
"I'm shining like a candle in the dark
when you tell me that you love me"

When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

-shudders- CHEESE!

Ah love.
Sigh.

This is Daniel signing off, vowing not to entertain any nosey idiots.

"Love will keep us safe in catastrophic times"

2009-07-15T21:19:00.001+08:00

我很不甘愿
我不服
原来一个答案能带来那么多感情

背叛
愤怒
担心

最重要，
失望。

也许我不应该问
也许我不应该听

对不起
我错了
我看错了

看错了自己在你心里的地位

也许我愤怒，是因为自己看错了。

也许我不该认为我是有地位的人。

算了。

我累了。

可是，我不会放弃
因为你是你，
而我是我。

我的手还存在，
不会松懈
不会拿走。

只会在哪，
到你想在看到为止。

Wow. Two posts in a month. Wonder who's that important.

Ah, forget it.

Random musings

2009-07-08T23:26:00.002+08:00

Hey all, welcome to Daniel's Domain! First of all the declaration that mid years are over and I'm damned well gonna enjoy the next few days before the results bring me back to earth. xD. I've been having a few random musings over the last few days. As usual, don't like what you see? There's a red button with a cross on it at the top right corner of the window.

Life is full of disappointment. At times it seems like life brings you up to consider the most lofty of scenarios and fills you with false positivity, only to bring you down to a shuddering halt with a taste of dirt that reminds you of how painfully human you are. Disappointments abound here and there, and is just yet another example of how life sucks the life outta you. Life and people in it are bound to disappoint at one point or another, so why bother getting to know them all that well, eh? Why bother putting yourself through meaningless emotions which no one can fully empathize with?

I believe the two worst feelings in life are regret, and guilt. Regret, in whatever form you deem fit. Regret at an acquaintance you never really bothered to make friends with. Regret at the things you did to a person who's only crime was loving you and not knowing how best to show it. Regret at not sticking up for an acquaintance who was unfairly targeted. Regret at not having the guts to do what should have been done ages ago. Regret at saying things that should not have ever been said. Regret. And guilt.

But with regret and guilt come disappointment. And in some cases, disappointment is that much more intense and striking. Mainly cos the subject is different. We humans feel regret and guilt for our actions and non-actions, but the subject of our disappointment is often the people around us.

Disappointments occur to everyone, directed similarly at everyone. They happen and strike the heart, causing different levels of hurt. They make you question your own beliefs, morals, question your own heart. Close friends who fall short of the standards you set for them prompt you to consider if you've been too hard and strict, if your beliefs are skewered, rose-tinted and in need of revision. Close friends whom you've fought to protect from themselves, their actions, non actions and more importantly yourself and fail to reciprocate, prompt you to consider if you're too giving, too kind, too generous.

I believe though, that ultimately, the answers to the above is the same. NO. At the end of the day, I set standards that I believe are fair. I only really have one requirement, that I don't ask anything which I myself cannot attain. I believe I'm disappointed with people close to me, and that's a good thing. Cos I wouldn't be disappointed with people I don't care about. I've mentioned this to a few people - everyone judges. I do, he does, she does, everyone does. We're not supposed to, but we still do. It's because we care that we judge, ultimately. We want the best for the people who mean the most, and we judge them according to a barometer instilled in us which states what is good and bad.

To a dear sister whom I owe this to. I'm disappointed in you for what I perceive to be your failure to maintain our friendship. Truth be told, two years ago I'd never have dreamed I'd feel this way. Or that way, xD. But the point remains that for a very long time now, I've felt I'm the one doing all the giving, and getting nothing in return. I never said anything earlier and before. Cos I felt obliged to protect you even though I've felt disappointed for the longest time now. Remember the promise I made? Brother...protector...friend? I wanted to fulfill the middle role to the best I could, even if the first role grew lesser and lesser in importance. Until I realised I shouldnt have been doing all this by myself. I mean, now I wanna do what's right for me. And what's right for me is to take a break, breathe and relax. You pull your weight, and I guess when I'm ready, I'll pull mine again. It doesnt mean you go out of your way though, cos I don't expect that. And I don't expect a sorry. Apologies are not necessary when forgiveness has already been granted. But hey, I still stand by another promise I made. "I'll be there when you call for help". Haven't said this in a while, but ultimately and definitely, I love you, dear sister.

Life makes fools outta us all. I thought I learnt a lesson last year, when I realised the hard way that appearances could be deceiving. I admit, I laughed a little when emotions clouded judgements, never thinking emotions would cloud mine. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I thought I had it all figured out, dealing with people of different stock for so long. But I realise, I was wrong. I realise I'm painfully human. But. It doesn't mean love changes, cos I always think love for friends is the strongest kind there is. Love means you accept that person wholly for who he/she is, flaws, disappointments et al. Like my pastor said last Sunday, we all have sinned. But that sin doesnt mean that God shuts the door and says, "You are no more my child". He doesn't have that in Him. There's no limit to His love. While there is possibly a limit to mine, I recognise I wanna follow and emulate that special brand of love, and try I will, therefore. Similarly, revelations and disappointments don't necessitate me to say "You're unworthy of being a friend", cos I believe it doesnt work that way.

At the end of the day, I reiterate a stand I've always had. The measure of a man is not by the things he does, but by the things he doesn't do. The measure of a friend is not the things he's disappointed by, but by the things he comes to accept. The measure of a brother is not the things he blows up at, but by the things he condones.

I leave today with a wonderful song that speaks from the heart. It's Anyway, by Martina McBride. Lyrics are found in the description of the vid on Youtube itself. I've got the song in my com, anyone wants it just has to ask. (NO, not that. Second level joke.)

Till the next time, Daniel is signing off.

Life and death. Mostly death.

2009-06-26T23:04:00.002+08:00

Hey all. No flashy intro today, just wanna spew some emotions and issues plaguing me. Today has been a dark day for almost about everyone in the Western world. An original Charlie's Angel in Farrah Fawcett passed away early this morning Singapore time, after a long battle with cancer. Joining her today is the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

Closer to home and closer to my heart, one of my close friend's father passed away a couple of days ago as well. All these deaths have struck home to me, and makes me think.

Life is but a dash between two dates. Which is why we like to say "live life to the fullest, cos you never know when it may end". True, but increasingly, ain't people more and more caught up in the rat race and the paper chase? I always say that the winner of the rat race is still a rat.

Idealistic me used to say that I do my best to go all out and leave an impression on the lives of the people that mean something to me, cos they deserve it. Cynical me now says I try my best to be a good guy, good listener and encourager cos I want to be remembered for it, should I leave this place in an untimely fashion.

Perhaps the fascination is rather morbid, but from time to time, I believe people entertain the idea of wanting to attend their own funeral. Me too. I always wonder, in my short 18 years and 6 months, whose lives I've touched and to whom have I been more than a passing figure to. I think I have a good idea of a few, but thinking and knowing are two different things.

At my funeral, who would cry? Who would give eulogies about my impact in their life? And what have I done to warrant those eulogies and tears? We don't practise this in Singapore, but who among my friends would want to be my pall bearer? Who would lead the present in singing a rendition of "Amazing Grace"?

Perhaps the last few days has reimpressed the notion of cherishing your loved ones. Love them, and let them know you love them, lest they forget or think you take em for granted. I know, I dearly feel this way towards a once close friend. Ain't the nicest thing in the world to have hanging over your head.

All in all, love him or hate him, MJ was an icon to a generation. That deserves to be remembered. With luck and God's grace, our grandchildren's children will grow up knowing his name, his music and his thrilla dance moves. Mr. Jackson, butt of jokes aside, you will be missed.

But then again...what about me?

This is Daniel signing off, with the verse I had the honour of picking for my grandmother's epitaph.

"For I've fought the good fight
Run the good race
And kept the faith"

~ 2 Timothy 4:7

Reflections

2009-05-12T21:45:00.002+08:00

Time for my monthly post! A few things to get off my chest today.

Tomorrow will be my last NYConneXions production meeting. How time really flies man. It's been an awesome year, and the 9 of us that made up the 2008 Batch of Journalists really did do an awesome job together. We always had fun, never took each other too seriously or too lightly, and above all, had each others' backs.

I'm sorry to say this to my NP Batch of '07, but this team I was part of for the last year, was the best team I've ever been on. It's been a joy and an honour to work with people who share the same passion. I'll always remember this last year of awesomely random jokes and articles and stupidly awesomely lame people who interview themselves. Like I told Eunice the other day, we were 9 people, all weird as hell but somehow we came together.

And now, two years after I couldnt have been more eager to pass the torch to the next batch of NCOs after seeing shit in NP, now I feel somewhat the exact opposite. Yet the time has come ultimately to pass the torch, and graciously pass the torch in the best way possible.

Moving on without production meetings and brainstorm sessions every Wednesday at 4-33 to come up with random ideas that somehow end up published will be difficult, but well. This is life right? Take the things that come, and take it no matter how badly you wanna avoid it.

This second half of the post goes out to someone, someone I've only known for the past two months really, but yet again someone that has made an unexpected impact in my life. You know I'm talking about you. Asking questions is not wrong, crying is not wrong, learning is not wrong. I know the adjustment to JC life has been horrid really, but the point remains to be made that hundreds of other people are going through exactly the same thing. Face it, you left a comfort zone that I know only too well. Life had its ups and downs in NC, but never to this extent, and never did you have to experience so many lows and so little highs.

I know that feeling. I know how it's like to feel lost, to lose yourself in a multitude of strangers that become acquaintances overnight. I know how adjusting can render you just tired and unable to contemplate even living one more day of this. I know how days can uplift you, yet many others can just crush your spirit. I know what the sting of making a friend that really wasn't a friend feels like, and I know how forced assimiliation is so fake, yet everyone around seems to indulge in it. I know how everyday can seem like going to school, putting that fake smile and waving to people you know really don't care if you do or don't wave and getting chased for work can be so energy-sapping but tomorrow is just wash, rinse and recycle.

I know.

I know cos I've been through all that in one year. Sure in the last year, I've become more cynical, and less idealistic. But being too idealistic to start with is never good. Working with extremes is never desired. The problem with NC is that it gives enough shelter to protect from the outside world, which leads to idealism and thus, unrealistic expectations of "outsiders" in JC. I've learnt to change, learnt to adapt to changes, learnt to expect the unexpected.

I learnt, so now I know. Above all, despite wondering if I'd ever make it with my spirit intact many times, I survived. And that's the thing, you see. Ultimately it's not about the ups and downs, but getting through them. Are there more to come for me and you? Duh. But I'm ready. You claim you are, but really? Learn. Learn to fall down, learn what it really feels like to fall down and have nobody you're really familiar with helping you up, learn to change and adapt without compromising the essence of who you are.

For all the questions that you have, I wonder from time to time if you take the time to question your own convictions. Are they right? Could they be wrong? Too extreme? Chances are when one questions convictions, they learn a whole lot more about oneself.

I learnt the hard way, and I learnt it alone. You will have ME. That's a pledge I'm making, and yeah it's just me, it isn't much. But walk on. Walk on, trudge on step after bloody step and chances are you won't be walking alone.

Life doesnt get easier. School is just a microcosm of society. Yet, life is still worth living, for the people you meet and greet, the few miniscule people that have a major impact on you, the few people that you somehow know, that if Mitch Albom's theory holds true, will be one of the few that you meet in Heaven.

I don't know about you, but I'm willing to see where life takes me, and I'm willing to roll with the punches. Will I fall? Will I get hurt? Chances are, I will. But as you said, I'm gonna die trying rather than die playing safe.

Sometimes I really do wonder, whose lives have I touched enough to be one of the five people they meet in Heaven.

And this I hold on to...the belief that when answers aren't enough, there's Jesus. He's more than just an answer to my prayers and questions. And I believe my heart will find a new, safer refuge where He is.

Daniel.

Chicken a la carte

2009-04-22T20:52:00.003+08:00

First time I'm trying this here...I never attach videos to my blog, but this one...just is unforgettable. For all the wrong reasons.

"One man's food is another man's poison"?

Try "one man's food is another man's garbage".

What got to me the most? The little scene at the end where the family all makes the sign on the cross and gives thanks for their food.

I confess, I don't sincerely say my grace and thank God for food all the time...and this...reminds me of what it should be like. If they can be thankful for GARBAGE and leftovers, then damnit, we should ALL be two-fold, ten-fold even seventy-fold more thankful for our hot piping food.

And to think we whine and grovel about food served a little cold.

"I even question my ABCs" ~ Boey Kim Cheng

Shalom, and Agape love.

Daniel.

Adam and Eve - doomed to failure?

2009-04-05T19:21:00.003+08:00

Hey all. In conjunction with Easter Week, as well as a rather thought-provoking cell group discussion session today, I have to share a few thoughts that might potentially ruffle a few feathers, but ah what the heck, eh?

So here we go. As Christians, we know that Christ died on Good Friday about 2000 years ago for our sins. That, is not the point of contention. We move back a few thousand years prior to Christ's death and resurrection, the temptation of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

For we gloss over the details of Adam and Eve's temptation. How could they be tempted in the first place? The serpent told them not only would they not die if they ate the forbidden fruit (which by the way is not an apple), they would be as wise as God himself. But in order to want to be that, they would first have had to possess the quality known as "greed", or hunger for power in the first place. But in that sphere of time, where there is no notion of sin itself, wherefore does greed arise?

I believe that the decision that Adam and Eve made was out of their own choice. They were influenced into biting the forbidden fruit, yes. But ultimately it was still their own choice to. Why would they even believe the serpent in the first place? The reason is actually simple yet confounding to us, in modern times. They believed the serpent cos they trusted the serpent. Before Adam and Eve ate the fruit that caused the fall of Man, their trust was absolute in everything. I wouldn't call it naivety, but rather, childlike innocence. Why does this seem so unexplicable to us now? Cos over the course of the intervening millenia, this concept called "skepticism" has been ingrained into us. Since we've been brought up to doubt first and trust later, obviously, the fall of Man due to Adam and Eve's childlike innocence sounds contrived.

God is omnipotent. He is said to be all-knowing and all encompassing. So if He knew that Adam and Eve were about to sin, why didn't He do something about it? Or rather, why did He choose NOT to do anything about it? Granted it was only a short while after the creation of Man, but if He knew that one mistake was all it needed for Satan and sin to take center-stage, why not do anything about it? Why did God choose to press the "Be Right Back" function at this point of time?

The reason is simple. It lies in the gift of free will. Adam and Eve's choice to not obey God's instruction was an act of free will, probably the first notable choice made by Man. God cannot give Man the gift of freedom of choice and will one moment, and withhold the chance to exercise that gift of choice the next. Anyway, without the existence of sin in this world, without the notion of sin, the notion of the morally reprehensible actions, the following statement too would not exist. If life is fair and roses had no thorns, there would be nothing to look forward to in Heaven. Exactly. If no evil existed, Man would stay in paradise, in a utopia. Sounds good to us now, cos the world we live in sucks. But if no evil existed, good will not exist to. The notion of good vs evil only exists as the two are counterpoints to each other. The lack of one will mean the extinction of the other too. Instead of appreciating that we got to stay in paradise, what this means is that we will just take it for granted, for humans are complacent by nature.

The original plan as stated in the Bible would probably be for all of mankind to stay in the Garden of Eden for eternity, enjoying eternal life in paradise. Yet Adam and Eve's actions put paid to that plan. In essence, is this not saying that the conventions of Christianity, that Jesus came to die for our sins, was in the grand scheme of things nothing but Plan B?

But so what if this world we live in was a Plan B? What a hell of a Plan B it turned out to be! Personally, though this world sucks, I'd rather there'd be something to look forward to in Heaven, as opposed to living life with no knowledge of what's good or bad.

Feel free to drop your opinions if you come across this and you have any.

This is Dan signing off.

Shalom.

Orientation '09 and others

2009-03-01T20:15:00.003+08:00

Hey all! My blog has been rather dormant, and so... this will be a rather long jumpy ranty post in parts. =)

First...ORIENTATION. I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I really decided that it's about time I blogged about it. It's not that I didnt have fun. It's just that well, I like to give some time before I talk about it. Besides, let's face it, I've never been one who blogs about "Oooh we hated Melman for only knowing and regurgitating three cheers", or brag about how "I inspired the catchphrase - Don't Be A Sam".

Cos it really isn't about that. No matter how I may bitch about losing Best Cheer to Gloria, what I take away from Orientation '09, is that I managed to bond a class together, hopefully. I remember being all antsy about leading a class, cos O2 '08 frankly, was a failure in my eyes. But thanks to 0919, I really felt that I did my part.

Okay..sidetrack a lil..thanks for the lack of acknowledgement from you lil kids man. Other OGLs got such nice gifts from their OGs. Ms Lynette Yap plagiarised my "put little notes in shoe box" idea for her three OGLs. And what has the three OGLs of Alex 5 gotten? Nothing, geelo, kosong, zilch, nada. (In case you kids were wondering, yes, I'm flat out whining about not getting anything here, GET THE HINT?)

Back to the real point. The following is an open letter to 0919, and I hope and believe I speak on behalf of the other two OGLs here.

Two weeks has passed since orientation ended. True to form, cliques have started to emerge. It's nothing out of the ordinary, humans are creatures who prefer to travel in packs. But no matter what, no matter how many cliques there are, remember this. The twenty-three of you ultimately STILL make up 0919. Don't like someone in your class? (I'm looking at you, violentess) Deal with it, cos like it or not, you're stuck with him/her for the remainder of the two years. And there are always two options available - Konfrontasi, or just to walk away. There's bound to be at least one person to which the following will apply for you - 井水不犯河水. Sometimes you've just gotta leave it as that. I believe that the class that sticks together when it matters most, thrives the best. So this OGL here sincerely hopes that you guys really come to accept each other for who you are - even (insert name here) - and remain on such good terms. If there's anything that you guys wanna talk to me about, you guys know how to contact me. And I believe the same offer applies to the other two OGLs as well.

--------------------------------- End of Part One ---------------------------------------

Why did that last "chapter break" trigger an image of Mr. Bean falling from the sky? Was that a random sentence with no link whatsoever to the next part of my post? You bet.

Part Two is to address a close friend. You probably know that you are a favourite topic for at least five other people. And you probably know I'm referring to you. The message here is a very simple one. It only has three words. Snap outta it.

You can choose to run away from your problems or to suppress it, but when you do, every once in a while, the problems come back to plague you, stronger than ever before. That's why it's never good to run. The truth hurts, yes. Reality bites, yes. But it's better than having to constantly run.

You run away, but what for? Do you still remember why exactly you're running? Or has it become just another process? Wouldn't it be more worthwhile if you stopped now? I've been there and done that, nothing good ever comes out of not dealing with problems. It's not like you don't have people to rely on for support.

But with that being said, admitting you have a problem first, helps a whole lot. Admittance is the first step to recovery.

--------------------------------------End of Part Two----------------------------------------

Part Three is just another bunch of self-construed lines of words. Don't understand? Read deeper into it. I'm not using very abstract words here. Upon reading deeper, still don't understand? This probably isn't meant for you to.

I am who I am
Existing in your life
Solely for three purposes

Answer burning questions
Provide deep insights
Know my role and shut my mouth
And nothing else

Serving only to listen
And not talk
Smile
And not scold

No more questions
No more insights
Just three statements left

I pray for a role reversal
Where's the wheel of fortune headed?
Lastly to address you
Get a teddy bear instead.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan is signing off.

Turning 18

2009-02-09T23:01:00.002+08:00

Thanks for all the well wishes.

But the one wish I've explicitly stated to come true, hasn't.

One can only hope for so long and so much.

"find another tree"

Totally brother, totally. Best three words you've said to me.

Walked round FOW the other day.

People made wishes, I prayed.

And now I know for sure.

Time to let go and walk away for my own sanity.

Best present for myself

Happy 18th to me!

Six burning questions, six answers needed, but only one answerer need apply.

2009-01-30T22:25:00.004+08:00

I once said before, when I didn't care anymore, it's the time to worry.

I once said before, not caring would take a lot to me, cos it means I'm tired and I can't go on.

For in every man, there is a limit. And pardon the ego, but I think most who know me realise that my limit is higher than average.

I've reached the limit now. And in reaching that limit, I've reached the end of the road with you.

What I have now, are some burning questions which I always thought I knew the answer, but I realise that I don't anymore. And not knowing the answers which I thought I did, scares me. Alot.

Don't expect me to reply you, unless you can provide me with the answers to the questions once again.

Was our friendship as strong as we thought it was?
Was the promise we made to maintain our friendship as best we could, an empty one?
Why am I seemingly expected to drop everything when you need me?
How come the reverse is not true for you?
Why do we pretend all is right and okay with us when we know it damned well isn't?
Is our friendship unable to withstand that trial?

You wanna grow up...here's a chance given to you on a silver platter. Think about all that, and not just from your point of view. Here's a novel idea...think of what it's like to be ME. And maybe you actually will grow up.

BTW, if you think I'm referring to you, I probably am. Apart from LWY, who will anyhow jump to conclusions.

The countdown starts to the 9th of Feb. I know what I want the most for my birthday, and it's not material.

"one day you'll need me no more"

Whether you know it or not, to me, that one day has already come and gone.

I'm tired and I don't care.

And I make a plea for those uninvolved to please, please, leave your nose outta it.

Daniel.

Not a tool

2009-01-17T21:42:00.004+08:00

Tell me
Scold me
Hate me
Don't ignore me

Promises made
Promises broken
I swear I never meant to
Did you?

I'm hurting
I'm aching
I'm struggling
I'm feeling

Vulnerability
Anxiety
Hopelessness
Turmoil
All of the above

Words spoken
In anger and confusion
I'm sorry
Are you?

Everything in a whirl
Questions abound
Where next?
What next?

Tis true
Packing bags n' walking away
Spoken in spite
Never intended

Brother I can be
Protector without a doubt
Listener, of course
But please, not a tool

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

sigh.

New Year's Honours

2009-01-05T00:10:00.003+08:00

Alright, a few years ago, I had this post on my version of the New Year Honours given out by the Queen every year. I just decided that I should revive that tradition, and take the time to poke fun yet again at people I know. So without further ado, here goes.

The Aristotle Award for Deepest Philosopher -- Zen (Was there any doubt about this? He says he doesn't wanna come across as philosophical, but who are we kidding?)

Best Mentor -- Sam Chia (Well, I don't think she reads this, but ah well, no other real challengers)

The Gossip Girl Award for Best Clique -- MJK! (Always guaranteed a laugh and a good time)

Best person to tease -- Right, this could have gone to anyone I've met, since well, that's what I do, but this award goes ultimately to the very handsome, very dashing, Daniel Keng. Yeah, that's right, I gave myself an award. So sue me.

The Couch Potato Award for Best Reality TV Fellow Junkie -- KarL

Quote of the Year -- Alicia WHEE ("OMG. Fucker of the universe!" It's one quote which will go down in history as one of the funniest lines.)

Cutest Guy With The Most Dubious-sounding Concocted Name - Dylan Er Wei Shen

The Life-Makes-Fools-Outta-Us-All Award for Best Unlikable turned Likable -- Alicia WHEE.

Best Brother - Larribird

Most meaningful, un-cliche MSN convos -- Zen

The Britney Hilton Award for Stupidest 9-Pointer Alive -- Jasmine Koh (Oh damn, I hope someone googles her name)

Nicest guy -- Chua Yida (Let's sing it together, all together now, "All he wants for Christmas is his hair...")

Fiercest-looking nice guy -- Mr Loo Zhen Hao

Best Sister -- Uh. Shit. I may have backed myself into a hole for this one. I say, it's a TIE. ALL of WG deserve this.

The Elmo Award for People Who Are Afraid of Harmless Things Like Elmo -- LHS (ahem greenranger ahem)

Best Bunny -- Ryna Lim (Oh shit I'm gonna get screwed for this.)

Best Bitching Partner -- Farah Ismail

Most Confused Person -- Jasmine Koh

The "A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed" Award -- Edna Pang (Fiasco, word of the year.)

The Bellatrix Lestrange Award for Most Irritable Bitch -- Goes without saying.

The Constant Latecomer -- I'm tempted to give this to every girl I meet, but this undoubtedly goes to Miss Stacy.

The Easiest To Irritate Award -- Miss Gan.

The Keynesian Award for Most Economical Person -- Gan Pin Hui

The Dirt! Award for Best Bitching Target -- Two-way tie between a Father, and a Bitch.

Alright, to those who won, great. To those who missed out, close, but no cake. Other than that, bitch away about these results all ya like, I'm just gonna watch the fallout.

This is Dan, signing off.

100!

2009-01-01T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm back! This will be a post in conjuction with Christmas, the New Year and also, my 100th post here!

Christmas is upon us. And yes, this will be a post of yuletide wishes to the people that have made a huge impact in my life over the last year or so. It's also an end of year reflection piece, cos this is likely to be my last post here for the year.Well, It's my 100th post on blogspot. I've taken five years to reach the three digit mark. Yeah I know, that's a blog's lifetime to other people, but I'm sorry if I don't update everyday, well cos I just don't see the need to.

But I look back, and I see my first post here, where i toked lik tt, n typed in italics, n pretty much juz introed myself. It was a post that lasted just three sentences, and I remember thinking how weird it was, and I didn't know what I wanted to say. Now look where I am, ranting and launching verbal diatribes just to get loads of my chest.

When I was 13, all I thought of was how to not hand in my Chinese work and get away with it, which provided superbly good anecdotes which I still tell from time to time today. When I was 13, all I thought of was how to get up from that friendship gone awry towards the end of P6.

The story is, that well, I crushed this girl. And this guy, whom I've always had reservations about up till then, came up to me one day to basically gossip, which ended in him telling me he liked her too. Suddenly all the reservations went outta the window and he became my "best friend". A coupla days before PSLE, this dude tells me he was faking all along, and was just playing to see my reaction, which he said he'd broadcast to the whole of the class.Looking back and retelling the tale, I just think, man, I was a stupid kid. I thought he really did deliver on the threat.

But I was TWELVE. Some people think Santa's real at age 12. No excuses, but I was just that kid who trusted the other kid too quickly and too unreservedly. This "betrayal" cut deep at that time. The whole issue of trust became well, an issue. Suddenly, it was too hard for me to trust people, and I was effectively left alone to pick myself up from that "betrayal".

At age 17 I feel comfortable putting inverted commas on the term betrayal, just cos this was just in effect, a childish prank designed to screw with your brain. At age 12, I certainly didnt think that. But what's certain is that I did have to learn how to trust, where previously, trust was never an issue. I guess I sorta grew up and realised, while I can trust some people most of the time, and most people some of the time, I can't trust everyone all of the time.

But this is where the peeps in Nanchiau saved me, who told me in their way, you don't have to say you care, to really care about someone. They taught me that even though people like hearing others say that they care about them, usually, it's those who really do that don't make a sound.

Along the way, 100 posts have left memories, memories of angry Mr. Potato Head rants, Bitch Files (which were recently revived circa 2008), posts which were more philosophical than practical, more idealistic than realistic.

But I realise, at 17, I'm more or less at the same crossroads as compared to when I was 13. I've gotta deal with hurts that I've only got myself to blame for, gotta pick myself up from falls caused by people closest to me, even though they're probably oblivious to the shit that has been stirred.

I've gotta deal with "betrayals", in opposite senses of the term, even though 4 years from now, I'll look back and me now and think, man, I was a stupid kid. I've gotta deal with coming to terms with the reality that stuff which has happened to me, were just designed to screw with my brain. And this is where my own usual advice to others come in, where I say, what doesn't break me will make me stronger. But that's philosophical at this point.

Which is why I once again turn to the people who hail from the place where I picked myself up 4 years ago.

To the people who know me best, you know that I'm this guy who likes to insult people, but also that I'm this guy that gives you a 100% whenever you call for it, should you need it. Ultimately, at the end of the day, I believe that my friends, the people who I find are worthy to be called friends, and for me to mean it, will save me once again.

So, as tis the season to be jolly, I say it's time to be thankful for those that matter. I'm not gonna name all of you by name, cos it'll take too long, cos I know I've got alot of people to be thankful for. And yes, in a weird way, that includes YOU. To all that matter, it's a huge thank you from me, for the memories, and the many more that are to come. I'll hope that 4 years from now, I really am able to look back and marvel once again, at how life has changed for me.

Stories of our lives

2008-12-19T00:02:00.002+08:00

Hey people, after a long absence, I'm back! The last coupla days have been spent hanging out with my dear MJK, with me throwing a pre-Christmas celebration at my place for them on the 17th, and then badminton/Yes Man with them today.

So we talk rubbish and crap like we always do, cos as we all know, whenever there are people like us around, we're always guaranteed a laugh and a good time! -pipes in fake cheers from the fake crowds- So we get to something I call, "Stories of our lives". And yes, this is where I proceed to embarrass the 8 of us by dishing the stories. Let's go!

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF...LEE WENYI (Noisy Stupid Girl)

9am - I'm supposed to meet MJK today for MJ (hey, there's a reason why we call ourselves the MahJongKlan right?) at my house! We're supposed to play IN THE KITCHEN. =DDD
9.30 - I wake up. SHIT I OVERSLEPT.
10.30am - I finish bathing and straightening my hair, cos I'm soooo cute, and my hair can never be less than 90% straight, even though we're playing in my house!
11.30am - Sharlene, Daniel the handsome and LARRIBIRD are here!
18.30 - We leave our house for dinner. I lost 5dollars, and we only played ONE round! I dunno why, but that stupid LARRIBIRD keep saying I play very slow...people need to think one mah... -bats eyelids and plays with hair (i.e, acts cute) -
21.00 - Finally on the way home! The stupid guys, throughout dinner keep suaning me, especially that LARRIBIRD! =( He keep saying I'm FLAT!!! -sobs- It's okay, I think good enough can liao ba...
21.30 - YAY reached home! Wah, I realised I took so many pictures today!!! There's me with Sharlene, me with PinHui, me with Daniel, me with LARRIBIRD... I'm SO PRETTY!!! =DDD I think I shall go talk to Daniel online!!
22.00 - -whines- He never reply lah!!! -sobs- I wonder why everytime I talk to him online, he ALWAYS dao me one!!! =C

In conclusion, Lee Wenyi's life can be summed up in two words. "Kana Suan".

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF... LARRISON LIM

10am - I wake up after sleeping for 12hours, after Daniel calls me four times to wake me up. I'm supposed to meet him at 10.45 today, we're going to MJ at Wenyi's house.
11am - I've been waiting at the station for Daniel for 15mins!! AND I WALKED FROM MY HOUSE!!! That Daniel ah, everytime make me wait for him -whines and grumbles-
11.30 - We're finally at Wenyi's house. Looks like we're playing in the kitchen today. I grumble some more. I talk alot, but no one seems to care, I say alot of vulgarities, which attract dirty looks from Wenyi's brother. Maybe he's just looking at me cos I'm too shuai.
15.30 - Middle of first round, STUPID Wenyi, takes 5minutes to throw one card. SO SLOW LAH! I grumble some more. I'm losing like, ALOT. I gamed only 5times, that stupid Daniel and Sharlene, keep winning when I'm building my 4tai... I grumble some more.
18.30 - Finally finish ONE round. UGH. WENYI lor, so slow! I say her, then she gimme that >.< face... BUT IT'S TRUE WHAT!!! I grumble some more.
21.00 - Finished dinner, in the train with Daniel. Dinner was fun. I grumbled about being hungry, and talked alot of crap while eating. Of course, I didn't eat any chilli. CHILLI IS FOR LOSERS. I had fun suaning Wenyi during dinner. I kept saying she was lacking in a particular physical department. Of course, because sensitivity isn't my strongest point, I didn't say it that nice, I just kept saying she was flat.
21.30 - I've reached home. Along the way, I complained here and there about anything and everything that I could. Then I went to bathe, and during my shower, I grumbled some more to myself in the shower...

In conclusion, Larrison's life can be summed up in four words. "I grumble some more."

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF... SHARLENE SOU

10.30am - I woke up. Not much fuss, I just have a quick shower and go out, we're playing MJ today at Wenyi's house! I wear my favourite red Ngee Ann Poly Daredevil T-shirt and shorts, and head over to Hougang Mall.
11.30 -After meeting Larry and Daniel at Hougang Mall, and bought Daniel the bubble tea that I owe him, we went over to Wenyi's house. Stupid guys keep saying I'm fat and I'm short. I always reply...'But I never deny that I'm fat what!!!'
15.30 - Middle of first round. The reason why we play so slowly is due to Wenyi, who denies that she plays very slowly, and cos I'm her good friend, I don't scold her, but actually, I secretly agree with the guys. All this time, stupid Larry keeps saying that I'm blocking the fan! I KNOW, cos I'm fat what...ugh!
18.30 - Dinner! I'm hungry! Roar! On the way to dinner, stupid guys keep saying that I'm fat, and Wenyi joined in too! ROAR. It's not my fault that I'm short and fat what...
21.00 - On the way home. I ate alot. Hey, I didn't get to my size by accident right? Stupid guys are still saying that I'm short and fat. ALL MY LIFE I HAVE TO BEAR WITH PEOPLE SAYING THAT I'M FAT! AND SHORT! I'm so tired...that I laugh at the slightest thing. Yes. I'm secretly insane.

In conclusion, Sharlene's life can be summed up in three words. "Short and fat."

End of Part One people! I'll be here with the other four people, and finish with a rather much more flattering account of my life tomorrow, or whenever I feel like it.

On a more serious note, this is my 99th post. Which means the next official full post will probably be a post that sums up the year and thoughts over the posts here.

2008-12-04T00:31:00.003+08:00

I see bloody Pelloysius tagged me to do this. So I shall.

Rules and Regulations:- Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habit/little known facts about yourself.- People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little know facts as well as state this rule clearly- At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names- No tag back.

1. I sleep with a cloth folded into eighths on my pillow every night, no reason why, just been a habit since young.

2. When I was little, I thought "homesick" meant being sick of home.

3. I surf Wikipedia when I'm bored.

4. I once fractured my left hand playing wrestling with my friends. The dude tried to Rock Bottom me, I landed ass first on my left hand. Had a hairline fracture. And obviously I made up a story to my parents, which brings me to the next point.

5. I told my parents I fell on my waterbottle and landed with my weight on my left hand. I think they took my word for it.

6. I rant about anything and everything, cos I'm too easily influenced by people such as Frankie Boyle.

7. I have a habit of trying to act out confrontations with people I dislike or with people that I have deep burning things to say to. which usually ends with me hogging the glory. Go figure who I've "confronted".

8. I'm never easily contented. I crave for something for ages, finally get it, and the thrill wears off within a week.

9. Before I go overseas, I worry that I might die overseas or on the way there, so I usually talk to people I'm usually close to, just in case I really do.

10. I have this incessant need to watch and analyse every scene of Survivor there is to watch.

The 10 lucky winners are... (in alphabetical order)1. Anyone2. who3. is4. really5. really6. really7. really8. really9. really10. bored.

Have fun, all ya kaypohs out there.

Quotable Quotes

2008-11-15T19:45:00.002+08:00

Hey all. Alright, I've been working on the OG8 story for the last few days, and I currently have zero inspiration. So I shall take a break and post something Lit-like again. Quotes. Love quotes. Yeah go on, I hear the groans already. But thoust shalt not fear, my readers, cos the quotes aren't all Shakespeare stuff. In fact, most of them came to my attention through via one Miss Pang.

So let's start off with a huge zinger.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

I'm gonna go ahead and say what I think people are thinking as they digest that paragraph of verbal diarrhoea. Wow. From the moment I read the thing, I thought, "Oh my, that's so freaking cynical.". But again, that's what makes it that good. It's good cos it's so cynical and sarcastic. And yet, it's true in it's own twisted sense.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motion or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling... Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" — is not merely a feeling.

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

And now, I give you another piece of verbal diarrhoea.

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have wilwillingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: 3 for the price of 1. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is YOU.

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

Alright. Chew on those stuff people, I shall anticipate somebody coming to bug me about plagiarising her quotes.

Dan is signing off.

Lit student

2008-11-09T11:45:00.002+08:00

Hey all. I know, OG8 will have to wait, cos the fantasy story is still in the works. I wanna get some stuff off my chest. Lately, I've been reaping the benefits of being a Lit student, with almost everything I hear being analysed and broken down. To encapsulate the current mood I'm in, first of all...a few songs.

Anyway -- Martina McBride (Country Music's Celine Dion)

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

Sigh. I do it anyway. I guess the chorus speaks to me. Not forgetting the fifth stanza. But no, I'm not going into a full literature-like breakdown of the song. I haven't sunk to that depths yet. Draw your own conclusions, and maybe, perhaps, whoever's reading might wanna tell me what you think of the song.

Another one is gonna follow, this one's from Avenue Q.

There's a Fine, Fine Line -- Avenue Q
KATE:
There's a fine, fine line
Between a lover and a friend
And there's a fine, fine line
Between reality and pretend
And you never know 'til you reach the top
If it was worth the uphill climb
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

There's a fine, fine line
Between a fairytale and a lie
And there's a fine, fine line
Between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye"
I guess if someone doesn't love you back
It isn't such a crime
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time

And I don't have the time to waste on you any more
I don't think you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity I've got to close the door
And walk away

There's a fine, fine line
Between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line
Between what you wanted and what you got
You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

Oh crap, that's so true man.

Nuff said.

Draw your own conclusions, people.

Dan is signing off.

Looking on the bright side

2008-10-14T16:15:00.002+08:00

Right off the bat. Yeah. I failed History. I'm not pissed about that, nor am I upset. The feeling is one of shock, and stunned into silence.

It's one of those moments where you are slapped so hard in your face, you lose vocal capacity, together with the side of your face feeling numb from the pain.

Am I moping about it? I did. Yeah. I sat in that room for goodness knows how long, letting this sink in. Letting the fact that I failed, sink in. It wasnt the words of MrS that gave me that hope, nor was it those pats on the back or the words spoken around me.

It was just simply the realisation that tomorrow will be a better day.

Foolish naivety? It might be to some, but for now, it's enough for me. And that's what matters. I didn't expect to fail. Oh hell no, I expected to ace the damn thing. But that's me. And the huge slap in the face served as just another wake up call.

It was the reminder to not think I'm that damn good, to not rest on my laurels. All throughout my life, my teachers have told me that I'm complacent, I think I'm better than I am. This just underlines that. I allowed myself to get carried away, being too pleased with the questions that came out.

But that's today. Tomorrow, will be a better day, simply because I believe so.

God works in many wonderful ways unknown to man. He knew I was banking on my History to pass so that I wouldnt be too worried about the others. So I'm just gonna presume that He took away my banker, and is going to help me promote with the other two lousier subjects. And you know what? I'm perfectly fine with that. I believe and I hope that my faith will see me through. I am but a man. I know He has plans for me, plans not to harm me but to prosper me. And I'll say this over and over again, "Not my will, but Yours be done".

I'll hold on to the belief that in the long run, it'll turn out alright, by the grace of God.

Who knows? Maybe if I'd gotten my way, I would have been even more proud and cocky and complacent, setting me up for a bigger fall in the long run.

It all turns out for the better. There's a silver lining even in the darkest cloud, a rainbow at the end of every thunderstorm.

At this point, Daniel declares that he is over failing History, and is looking forward to tomorrow.

New day, new hope.

Let go, Let God.

I will.

One question

2008-10-03T00:34:00.003+08:00

So, I interrupt the story about 36, which has yet to be fully updated. I'm working on updates, which will be up soon, I hope.

But since I'm currently working on something monumental, something life-changing, something I sure as hell have never done before. Yes, Daniel is working on something that he has never tried before, and like all things he does, it's gonna be a half-assed, cowardly approach which is down to as usual, Daniel's lack of guts.

The people who are in the know probably already know what I'm referring to.

And yes, I anticipate thousands of flip-flops over which path to choose.

It's not an easy decision, but life's like that, innit?

I'm sounding like a noobish pansy, but well, maybe I am.

One thing is for sure though. The next few days, weeks, months are gonna be hell.

And to round this all up, I just have one question.

Who wants to volunteer to be the person Daniel vents his frustrations upon after all decisions are made, irreversible and the consequences start unfolding?

Daniel is signing off.

A day in 2018

2008-09-13T22:59:00.012+08:00

Hey all. 36ers, the following is a series which I usually do when my creative juices are flowing, or when I'm bored. It's called a day in the future, cos that's where it's set. Note goes out first though. The following is merely a work of fiction, and anything that happens relatable to events past or present are purely coincidental. Not all from 0836 are featured in Part One, but soon, there might be another similar version, with everyone. Seriously, it's all in the name of fun, so take it lightly. Everyone gets flamed slightly.

Here goes...

The year is 2018. I am 27 and have just returned from the UK, majoring in Broadcast Journalism. Upon my arrival back in Singapore, the first order of business is to attend that BBQ/gathering thing my class of 11 years ago planned.

Complaining about the heat, I drive around in my father's new Pontiac, listening to the latest offering from worldwide megastar, David Archuleta, serenading the whole car with his 9th Top 10 single in a row.

Suddenly, my nPhone rings and this voice whines out once again. "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN...". Replying with as little sarcasm as possible, I reply, "Hello Deanna. Glad to hear your helium inflated voice hasnt changed in the last seven years. What is it you require of me?" I then proceed to list out a list of activities that should never meet the light of day. (Editor note : This is a second level joke).

"Was wondering if you could pick me up from my house later....along with the usual gang...Bloody Aloysius was supposed to pick us up, but he went to perm his hair, the idiot...I'd appreciate it!"

I sigh. As usual, I've been called to be a backup plan.

"Okay. Where do you wait? Downstairs your apartment?" (Ed: Again, second level joke)

I end up waiting half an hour below her apartment, before I spot five giggly women apparently trying to run and act as if they're sorry that they're ridiculously late. As if I haven't seen that same rehearsed act thousands of times over the two years we were classmates. My jaw drops when I recognise Deanna, cos there's something significantly different about her. Well, two things.

Unable to resist the temptation, I quip,"What's that? Floatation devices? We're going to have a BBQ at Punggol 21, not swim in the freaking pond you know..."

Alongside her, is Clarissa, Ryna, Farzanah and Jasmine.

Upon graduation from college, it appears that Deanna was involved in a minor car accident. She used the opportunity to claim maximum insurance and spent 75% of it on facial reconstruction, amongst other things. After that Nip/Tuck, she ironically enough, appeared in TNP's New Face Award. Of course, she didn't win. But she definitely thought she did. After that, she became and still is the spokesmodel for Pedigree. Oh, and hearsay is that due to her new found fame as a bit-part calafaire actress, who is predominantly typecast as a screeching shrew, the number of blind people, I mean suitors chasing her, have apparently increased to such an extent, should they stand together in a crowd, they'd be able to take up more space than Pedra Branca. In her spare time, or what's left of it, she still finds time for her tennis, and well, it has become in the best interests of everyone that she doesn't play regularly, since the amount of noise decibels let out when she partakes in that activity beats that of a low flying Concorde. I mean tennis, by the way.

Farzanah hasn't changed one bit, I think to myself. Save for that shoulder length Britney Spears bob hairstyle. Which by the way, makes her look a little like Rihanna. To complete the transformation, she released a single on iTunes 19.0, together with an accompanying music video on MeTube. The single? Why it is of course, "Payung". (Ed note: Sigh, that's a hit and miss joke. Payung apparently is malay for "Umbrella". Get the joke now?)

Ryna and Jasmine are the hottest reality television stars around, having finished filming season six of Singapore's rendition of "The Simple Life". It has become almost legendary, how the two of them got the part. As the story goes, they went for the audition together and had to answer the same question, to which they answered similarly. The question was "What is the most bimbotic thing you have done?".

Jasmine: It was when my Maths teacher told me to draw graphs to scale, I took out a ruler and started to measure my Graphic Calculator. Or it could be when I thought hair extensions were meant to make my hair shorter. Or maybe, it could be when I accidentally fed my pet fish gummybears...

(Ed note: Joke. Second level. This will attract a WTF?!)

Ryna: It was when I decided to take up horse riding, and drank water chestnut everyday cos I thought I would grow taller. Oh, and when Jasmine did all that, and all I said was "That's hawt!"

Clarissa has started her very own fashion company, and has been very successful in bringing her own fashion line overseas. The line, aptly named C&Chow, is available in high end malls such as Orchard Ion and overseas, in places such as Sunset Boulevard. Because of her success, she has been labelled as Singapore's answer to Sarah Jessica Parker. I always privately think that it could be in part due to her love life.

When we finally reach the BBQ pit, we're already 45minutes late. This is ironic, as the last time we had a BBQ and I was about 45minutes late, some fireworks erupted. I mean this literally.

On the way, we stop to get drinks, as some sort of peace offering for our late arrival. Upon seeing us, Edna, Bliss, King and Farah walk over.

Edna has that signature Cheshire Cat grin on her face, which by the way has made her ironically enough, the new spokesmodel for Cesar. Like the Edna of old, she waves her hands animatedly, channeling her excitement at meeting us again. She is a living example that puberty can take place at 18, having had some exponential growth. She now stands at some 1.7m, which truth be told, is 40cm higher than at the start of our JC1 year.

Bliss has that usual half-smirk on her face. Yet, ever since she decided to enter and win Survivor Singapore: Riau Islands, she has gone for this unbelievable makeover, apparently sponsored by the producers of the show. Gone is the trademark floppy hair, replaced with long locks of auburn hair. Having had Lasik treatment, the old red and black glasses she wore has been reduced to a relic. Apparently, she's now a self-made millionaire, setting up her very own consultative company, Slackers Inc. All she does everyday, is give advice to people on how to do the least and still get good results. Talk about playing to one's strengths.

King Rachel is now Reverend King. She apparently now is the youngest head pastor ever, in charge of my old church, PLMC. So who said a person couldn't be both king and priest? And cos she makes trips to Third World countries very often, she's often looked upon affectionately as Mother Rachel.

Her close aide is of course Nicholas. Who by the way, is Father Nicholas to everyone now. (Ed note: LAUGH. If you don't get it, I'll add you into the Jasmine-Ryna conversation.) Over the course of the last decade, he has been involved in copious amounts of missionary work, spending a lot of time in faraway places such as Vienna, Venice and of course, in the Vatican City itself. Oh and I almost forgot, about the huge amount of missionary work he did in Virginia.

Farah lets out her trademark giggle which turns into a laugh. Wearing that usual hairband, and once again dolling up as a reporter, which she is in all actuality. In her free time, she is a celebrity impersonator, with her best impression being that of Queen Latifah, with the accompanying physique to boot.

Her shirt reads, "Let's give City another 10 trillion!", a notion I agree with, since Manchester City has tumbled through the divisions after the injection of funds from Abu Dhabi. First claiming to be able to pay 135million for Cristiano Ronaldo, the joke's on them now, as their owners dumped them to invest in Accrington Stanley, as "they would like to sponsor the rise of a brand new household name". In reality, we all know it was because City sucked and couldnt deliver any success despite Jose Mourinho being there for two years, after Mark Hughes got the sack midway through his first season.

Bliss gives me a hard slap on the back, which I've learnt to prepare for over the course of my JC1 year.

Daniel: Really. Haven't I told you I'd much prefer a simple "Hi"?

Bliss: Who cares, fatty?! (Farah and Edna laugh)

Daniel: Ugh, same shit, different day.

Suddenly, a deep booming voice calls out from behind. I freeze in horror, recognising the voice, but not the amount of decibels used. Slowly turning around, I find that my actions mirror someone watching "House of Wax".

Kelly: Hi! (He waves animatedly at us, giving his trademark ear-to-ear grin.)

(Ed note: I expect laughs for this, and you all know why)

Daniel: Uh....hi.

Kelly: What have you been up to lately? I've just graduated from the University of HOW, majoring in taxidermy. I've just gotten a job at the local Madame Tussaud's and is starting work soon. I'm so excited about it!!!

Daniel: Uh...ok...chill. (Privately, I'm rather relieved that some part of him hasnt changed, though the excitement in his voice chills me somewhat)

Kelly: Hey, did I mention that SokYi and I are together? We've been together for five years, and well, we're enjoying each other's company!!! (Ed note: I'm gonna get killed for this.) (Revised Ed note: I'm so sure I'm gonna get slapped and killed and hung from the gallows for this)

Daniel: Uh...ok...good for you. By the way, glad to know that those voice projection classes and social skills classes you took have paid off...I'll be waiting for your invitation.

Of course, that last line was said with sarcasm dripping from every word.

Kelly: Hey, did I mention that me and Aloysius go for a drink at our favourite pub, "Goldfingers" every Friday? We do this so as to capitalize on TGIF Friday prices, and oh of course, because of the one single solitary fact that Aloysius is my best friend in the whole wide world! You're welcome to join us if you want!

Daniel: Uh...And risk usurping Aloysius' place as your best friend in the whole wide world? Nah.

Striding forward 10 paces, I'm suddenly driven to rub my left shoulder. This is in part due of a sudden jolt of pain, and cos I see someone that reminds me very much of a famous literary figure. Bliss nudges me, and I nod curtly to said person.

Daniel: Hi Eunice.

Eunice: Hi, nice to see you again! (At this point, my eyes bulge in shock, as that line is accompanied by a radiant smile)

Daniel: Oh right, and what have you been up to?

Eunice: Oh, I've just completed a course in hospice care, will start work soon, I feel so strongly about helping others and helping people in their last days...and my husband and I just adopted our third child from Nepal. Our first child was adopted from Mongolia, and the second from Chechnya...

Daniel: I feel like saying out loud...take off that disguise and prove to me you aren't Angelina Jolie in disguise...Damn my habit to think things out loud!

Eunice whines. Privately, I'm glad that something has not changed about her. But that's just me.

(Ed note: Again, I'd like to reiterate, no hard feelings to anyone, all this is merely fiction)

Midway through the dinner, as we're catching up, we see three individuals walking towards us. ZhenHao, Zen and Yida make their appearance.

ZhenHao has really changed over the last few years. Now a teacher after failing to make the grade to play on the Singapore Slingers team (cos he was a little too slow) which is the only professional basketball team in Singapore, he has developed a look that is a hybrid of our previous teachers, MsV and MrS. By that, I mean he talks in a slow, roundabout way that pisses his students off, while being a Liverpool-spouting, chest-beating teacher who still proclaims that Liverpool are the best club in the world even though they haven't won the league title in 28 years. Who by the way, have been reduced to bragging about being the club that "beat the United scum on lil' Dimmy's debut day thanks to Wesley and Ryan". Talk about past glories and has-beens...

After passing out (Ed note: No pun intended. Really.) from the army, Zen has emerged as a good author, penning self-help books such as "How to give advice and not tell people what to do" and "I'm a fighter, so sue me!!". He has stuck to his decision from seven years ago, to leave his fringe long and grow a ponytail. And apparently, he has started a metal band with Aloysius as the electric guitar player. He, of course, is the harsh vocalist.

Yida, of course, has surprised no one. He's managed to, in the space of 7 years, get into a car accident that warranted plastic surgery to repair his facial features, get that plastic surgery, and still managed to win Mr Singapore, complete with the added title of "Mr Always Smile". His day job is a fashion model, working campaigns for Calvin Klein Singapore and even Clarissa's C&Chow male casual wear line. Word has it that his face is now insured for 20million. No idea about his butt though.

Another one that is modelling for C&Chow, is of course, Sihan. Her other claim to fame was that she worked her way up, and is now Head of Operations, of Tong Garden. In the last decade, she has introduced healthier tidbits, benefitting couch potatoes like c'est moi everywhere. But she has not changed one bit, with that trademark baseball cap and jacket appearing everywhere she goes.

At this point of time, amidst the laughter and the stories being traded, we spot a few people in the dark night ambling towards us.

~ End of Part One ~ Who are those people? What has become of the rest of 0836? Am I gonna get flamed and killed badly by people whom I've flamed here? Find out all this in the second instalment of "A day in..."

Alrights. That was a rather lame attempt at a teaser trailer. I'm tired. I'm signing off for now. Check back for updates and possibly Part Two, where more or less, everyone will get profiled or at least mentioned. Comments and opinions are appreciated, leave a tag or a message.

Dan.

I want a time-turner

2008-09-09T23:37:00.003+08:00

Hey all. Have been doing some thinking over the last few days. Coupled with some sleep deprivation due to bloody Econs, I'm here to air some views, update my blog, and keep my minimal readership happy. To paraphrase The Noose, "7 readers and counting..."

I've been spending a lot of time with Weishen/Dylan lately, studying, playing badminton, pool, entertaining Mr Ler with him. He asked a very good question today, in his typical fat fat cute cute fashion, "How come we so close now, four years like never so close leh...". Don't blame me for the bad English, it's literally translated. And as he would gladly proclaim, he's the one who passed GP, so who am I to critique his usage of vocabulary?

And I realise, to me, he represented what I miss most. Nan Chiau High. Not the bloody school, but the people that played various roles from time to time, over the last four years. I remember last year, prom night (AW SHUT UP, to those thinking something else), walking around the school before it started, and after prom, going around shaking hands and giving hugs to those who had played such an integral role in my growing up.

Cos it was at that time, I realised, there was no turning back. At that moment, marked the full stop at the end of four long wonderful topsy-turvy years. I may say the memories encased in the four years are still with me, but the people who made those memories all that special, aren't.

I miss calling people "ORH KIE", "AH KWA", "HUMJI"...

I miss the camaraderie we always had, having fun, and really, making the lyrics of that Avenue Q song really apply, "Sitting in the computer lab, 4am before the final paper is due, cursing the world that I didn't start sooner, and seeing the rest of my class there too..."

I miss the days of yore that I could go back, and the only thing on my mind was what excuse to best give for not handing in work the next day, and making sure my excuse didnt clash with others.

Most of all, I miss the people. The very different types of people. There was the pleated girl, the sister, the brothers, the jokers and above all, the friends.

It's common nowadays to think that going through secondary school without a more-than-platonic relationship is a waste of time and something to be pitied. I beg to differ. Any time of the day, if I had the choice between a string of relationships, and the various kinds of friendships, I'd choose the latter, always.

As I prepare to take the Promos, it's seems like just yesterday, we bid each other fond farewells, promising to keep in touch with blurry visions. The memories of our last year still remain fresh as ever, binding our lives together so that we can say, "I was in the same secondary school as (insert name here), we had the time of our lives".

I wanna go back to last year, where all I worried about periodically, was how to get this girl/fly off my back (xD), washing myself from shit that hit the fan, getting into meaningless petty arguments, and oh yeah. Preparing for O's.

I wanna go back to the time, the very moment outside the hall after prom (again, SHUT UP), cos I realise, there are so many people that I never thanked sincerely enough, and let them just walk away.

I wanna go back and not undo my mistakes, but rather, relive the memories which once bitter and frustrating, have now turned sweet and fond. =)

I wanna be a part of Batch 4 again.

I wanna be a part of 4 FARMERS.

I wish that one day, just for fun, we can all put on our uniforms, sit in those same classrooms that we did, and for one more day, enjoy all the camaraderie we had, once again.

For one more day, enjoy each other's company.

For one more day, tell each other finally and sincerly, what they meant to you.

I wish.

Maybe it's this sudden wave of nostalgia, but I've come to realise, the best friends I have, are those who stood by me in four years, in more ways than one. The best brothers, comrades, are those who really, live together, die together, bad boys for life.

To my squad 4... I now ask for your permission, to alter that one pledge that I made with you.

"We laughed together, we cried together, shared weal and woe together. Friends for life."

I GIVE UP

2008-08-21T10:14:00.006+08:00

Rant. Again. Don't like, don't read. Intro over. Post dedicated to a person whose name starts with the letter D.

I give up, I admit defeat, I don't wanna hold on any longer than I am now. Forget it, there's no point in trying if YOU don't reciprocate. I'm tired and I no longer want to be this willing fool, this ever-present spare tire, this TOOL that you turn to only when you need to. Finally, at the end of my patience, finally I've arrived at this fork, this juncture in the road where I say, I need a break and I need a pitstop.

There were a whole list of questions I asked myself over the last few days, and now I present the conclusions. I don't care anymore, cos right now, as of now, I see the futility of my existence in your life, the secondary role I play. I spelt it out prominently, everywhere you could find, even let you stumble upon it unwittingly and subconsciously. I guess it meant too little to you to put it that much more effort to care and find out, eh? Considering the ways and things I did to let you almost know, it wouldnt have taken too long, or too hard. Which just goes to show how sincere you were, all the times you said "this means so much to me", "oh wow, you're so good to me". Now, a simple litmus test has proven this to be all lies, outright lies, lies spoken out of convenience to placate an ego.

Did I ask for too much? All I asked for was a reply, a simple written or verbal reply, telling me that it genuinely means alot to you. I didn't ask you for a gift, a token, NOTHING. NOTHING, except your word. At the end of the day, that's all I needed, that was the shot in the arm, the motivation that I needed to maintain and carry on and walk on.

I got nothing. At this point, I don't wanna try anymore. I'm sick and tired of all this shit. No more, enough is enough. I've arrived at my breaking point. This is the point where I say, there's no point in carrying on, no point in trying so hard, getting so far, when in the end, it doesnt even matter to you.

If I'm this inconsequential, stop telling me that you care, that we're "sisters forever", cos it's a load of bullshit to me. So do me a favour, and don't stumble upon my blog one fine day and realise you've fucked up bad, and act all guilty and stuff in front of me. Cos, I don't care no more. When I did, you did nothing, so when you do, I'm doing nothing either. I'm going to take a leaf out of your book, not be bothered about you, and when you ask why, I'm just going to say that what goes around, comes around. Karma has finally bitten you in the ass.

Treat it as if I'm pleading with you, on behalf of the next person that takes my place as a self-sacrificing MORON that tries to help you with your life. Don't treat that person like shit, don't treat him like a bastard unworthy of your time, don't prioritise your friendship with that person too lowly, don't say things that you think will appeal to his/her ego. Cos when the person realises it's all empty words and hollow words with zero sincerity, said just for the sake of saying, chances are the person will just stop caring, stop bothering, stop taking the effort to shower unrequited concern.

You know why you keep claiming you're alone? Why you feel like there's no one there for you, that you've got no genuine friends, that you don't know if the people around you are fair-weather friends? Cos to those that bother to show care and concern, you take for granted, you take as there no matter what, you take as something which you prioritise quite lowly cos you think since the person is there, and claims to always be there, he/she will be, and you just don't have to try that hard no more.

At this point, after all the people that I turned to told me that it's alright to be selfish, that after every bad time, comes an even longer and sweeter good time, I make this declaration. At this point, after agonising, tossing and turning in bed thinking of what to do and why, I make this declaration. At this point, through the disappointment, disillusionment, and sorrow that I feel, through the tears that start to well in my eyes at this point as I'm typing this, through the wrenches of my heart, which tells me to hold on even longer, to endure more, I make this declaration.

This is the first time in 17 years, that I will ignore my heart totally, despite its pleas, to choose and make the conscious choice to stop caring so much. I know I'll ultimately still care, so I'll go on mental exile for now. I know there's something which will call for my involvement, my helping of you once again. And as a last favour, I'll make sure someone is there to take my place, to fill the void which I'll create. So, this is where I say in black and white, that after all has died down, I'll fade into the background.

Cos ultimately, that's where I belong in your life anyway, right?

EDIT

Alright. I'm in much clearer mood now. I have to admit that when I did post that, I was feeling bitter and disappointed and all that, but that doesnt mean I don't stand by what I said. But I'll back down a little, definitely. All I've got to say, is that I'm not gonna suddenly drop a bomb and tell you I don't intend to be part of your life anymore, but I'll slowly fade out. To be fair, I did everything except tell you flat out that I wanted a reply, and I got nothing. So don't blame me for my seemingly abrupt decision to walk away. If anything, I'm not, cos I'll do my part and help to tie up loose ends which I promised I would, before I walk away. I personally don't believe in "never" when it comes to friendships and the like, so all I ask for now, is for some time out for myself, cos I need a break and I need to breathe. I've never tried so hard and failed before, so well, I need to reflect on certain stuff too. Don't worry, cos if you need me, I'm still a phone call away. Sigh, the wonders of technology.

End of a week

2008-08-10T00:33:00.004+08:00

Alright. So it's been an eventful week. Short one, but eventful. A few thoughts to round up the week.

I dunno how to say this. But for the first time in a long while, I'm afraid. I really am. Maybe the experience I had with Alicia last year affected me more than I realised. I must say I've been ignoring the whispers and the indirect/direct comments, but there's only so much I can do. Maybe it's the fact that a heated confrontation spelled out the very idea I've been dreading to see in a serious light. Funny how when an idea is impressed upon you, it kinda hooks you and you go along with it.

See, for the uninitiated, Alicia-Daniel is this long running saga that spanned almost two years. It was this period of time in which yours truly did truly shitty things to a girl that didnt do anything to deserve it except that she liked me, and was gutsy enough to keep showing and spelling it out. I remember like it was yesterday, the bastardy stuff I did to "get her off my back", each time glorifying my escape routes with reasons like "I don't deserve this" and "She deserves a guy who can love her in the same way that she loves him". Yes, yes. Noble intentions, but in retrospect, I recognise those were just convenient excuses, for me to get out of something I didn't wanna get into. And in doing that, I almost ruined what was a pretty cool friendship beforehand.

Well, the repurcussions of the repressed guilt of all the things I did, still kinda haunts me today. Call it karma, call it payback, I just think I deserve the repurcussions nonetheless. Hence, when faced with what could be very similar scenarios in what could be the very near future, I'm afraid and I'm stuck. Afraid that I could make the same mistakes like I did last year. Afraid that I might go one step further and really ruin a friendship. Afraid that even before the actual soap opera starts, I've already done things that will affect the pre-existing friendship. Afraid that this subconscious guilt and unwillingness to walk down that same road and make the same mistakes, will result in me saying and doing things that well, accelerate me down that path.

And this time, what scares me even more, is that unlike last year, unlike the last two years, I don't have the benefit of people whom I can rely on to point me in the right direction. Last year, I could always count on people to bitchslap me into the right choice, could always run ideas by people who wouldnt hesitate to shoot them down and tell me "Dude, that's a sucky idea.". This time around, I have people who only have known me for a few months, most of whom still only know me on a surface level, most of whom I've yet to make genuine connections with. So in essence, I have a high chance of screwing up more badly than I did last year. I can't say that notion comforts me. I don't know who to turn to and who to run ideas by this time around...so for the first time in a long while, I need to put a plea out there, for if you're reading this and you wanna help me, please do. I need someone to save me and a good friendship, from myself.

It's at moments like this, at crossroads like this, that I wish I had cherished the people that were around me the last 4 years. Right now, the best that I can hope for, is that all this has been a fragment of my imagination, and there's nothing more than meets the eye, as originally intended.

But no matter what, for now, I shall repeat this refrain. Cannot make same mistakes, must not make same mistakes, should not make same mistakes.

And I need kind souls to step forward, and be on hand to absorb all the shit that I'm fond of doing when put in these situations. For while I keep being this nice guy who helps people and points people in what I perceive to be the right direction, it's painfully ironic that I can't help myself all that much. For so long, I've been helping, encouraging, and being there for others out of free will, but who's gonna help me now that I'm the one that needs the help and encouragement and moral support? I try to help so many people, but who's gonna try to help me?

This is Dan, signing off.

2008-07-22T22:27:00.002+08:00

This rant has been coming. For a long while now. It's always been boiling, but now, I'm ready to unleash the fury. So I don't care how I come across, I'm just gonna flat out bitch.

Fact : Daniel is fat.

Fact : Daniel has been fat for most of his life.

Fact : Daniel has been called fat by people around him, for a very long time.

Fact : Daniel usually doesnt care when he's called fat.

Fact : Daniel usually isnt affected by any suaning.

That's where the trivia stops. For it's one thing to be called fat, it's one thing to be treated as filler joking material. It's one thing to be labelled fat and teased about weight. But when does fair teasing and poking fun, which I'm inclined to do so myself at times, become too much? The answer to that is simple. When harmless teasing, transcends into incessant harping.

It's not that I mind being called fat, a cue ball, the digit zero, pear-shaped, flatulant, horizontally inclined, plump, chubby, corpulent, fleshy, full, gross, obese, overweight, portly, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, round, tubby, beefy, bulky, chunky, heavy, heavyset, stocky, stout, thick, thickset, weighty; brawny, burly, husky; dumpy, squat, stubby; paunchy, potbellied; flabby, soft or buxom.

What I mind is being harped on. I used to think I had thick skin, but you know what? Even the thickest of skins can be penetrated, that's why you have Kevlar, damnit. Cliche, but not replying or not rebutting doesnt mean I don't mind. It certainly doesnt mean "go ahead, continue, fire at will". It definitely does not mean "Free frag time people, $1 for three tries".

And what's it with people and facades? Just the other day, someone told me this. "Daniel, the reason why people don't like you, the reason why you're public enemy number one, is cos you don't bother to take the effort not to make people irritated with you."

Initial thought that popped in my mind? "Go fornicate with your mother, you Harvey Dent freak.". Of course I wasnt that civilised, but you get the gist. See, the way I was brought up, the way I spent four years of secondary school, was being taught that the only person that you have to be, is yourself. Am I this bastard who has a sailor's mouth and says what he thinks? Yes. Do I do and say things that doesnt please people? Yes. But you know what? THAT'S WHO I AM. If you don't like it, so be it.

I told this analogy to a few people over the last few years. Some people like apples, others like oranges. Rather than try to be an apple and please people who like apples, I rather be the orange that I am and stay true to the people who like oranges. See, I am who I am, and I have little regard for facades and masks that exist solely to fit the whims of the people around the wearer. I know I can't please the world, so I ain't even gonna try. At the end of the day, I know I have imperfections. Hell, I have flaws aplenty. But you know what? I'm secure in the knowledge that my strengths outweigh my flaws, and well, the people who appreciate me, appreciate me for who I am, imperfections et al.

At the end of the day, it goes back to this that I wrote some time ago in an essay. "I now stand in the cusp of a vortex that serves to consume us all, the vortex that claims our identities, principles, and morals. The vortex that is society, serves to do all that." And for now, I'm still willing to fight for my right to be who I am without the need for masks and facades. And if I were to go down, I'm going down fighting and clinging on to that right.

Cos I know, deep down, that who I am, is definitely worth fighting for. And to the person who told me that, I sincerely pray for you man. And the day I'm relegated to believing and saying what you told me, is the day I'll really ask for people to pray for me.

Et al, being fat and obnoxious is my identity. Might not be much, but I'm still proud of it and I think it's still worth clinging on to. And hell, it might make me money one day. Just look at Michael Moore.

Dan is signing off.

FATTY.

One final rant

2008-06-21T15:37:00.002+08:00

So in the end, getting chased out of my old school by my old CCA, which I've just left like less than six months ago, wasn't such a bad thing. You know, it's like the old saying, "Don't bite the hand that feeds", but this time around, it's more like "Don't feed the hand that bites." Seriously. If I werent already disillusioned by the type of people I generally found in NP, if I werent already disappointed by the inner workings of the CCA, last night put the rubber stamp on the envelope. I am done.

Getting chased out, in a sarcastic manner, like a discarded, disposable tissue which has outlived it's importance, was painfully poetic. Yes, I'm about to launch into a rant again. And this time, for the first time probably, I don't give two hoots who reads this, and what opinion anyone has. For the first time, I'm gonna air dirty laundry in public, and to whom it may concern, so sue me.

For a group of people who've served their time and did their best for the unit for four years, I think it's a fair assessment that we've exceeded all expectations whatsoever, even ours. In such a materialistic, results-based CCA such as ours, if we went into the full list of acheivements and accomplishments that Batch Four accumulated, the record speaks for itself. Two Area Games Day champions. Pioneer NCO Batch for Gold Unit. Two years of ATC Best Camper, Best Improvement Cadet. High placings in Campcraft Comp. And that's just the beginning.

It doesnt matter that we didnt get the credit or the respect, even grudging respect, that these accomplishments deserve. What sucked, is the fact that we continue to get looked down upon, our credit gets stolen and well, no one really has the decency to even come up to us, even during our final parades, to congratulate us on a job well done. For a CCA that tells its cadets to respect their NCOs, where's the respect in that?

I don't think anyone can deny that we've not left the best of impressions on the unit. Especially a select few of our "seniors". I still remember being censored when I wrote that article for the unit magazine, when I said something about looking at things through rose-tinted glasses. But isn't it so? Reflecting honestly, who can deny that we've been judged unfairly, and there are double standards at times? It's like when I was entering Round Two with Alicia last year. I always thought she was an irritating pain in the ass, cos that was kinda the impression I was left with. When I took off the rose tinted glasses, I realised that you know what, I was the pain in the ass. And that's the point. The worse the impression you have about others, the more likely you are to think lowly and think that well, this buncha people are no good and have no leadership at all.

Talking about the dynamics of our squad after a long while, brought us to the issue of ranks once again. We realised that well, basically our squad didnt really care about ranks. And someone brought up this point, which really rang true to me. It was something about how no one in our squad actually had posts. Though we were assigned official posts, there was no line drawn, no proclamations that "Since I'm the Lecture Head, I can't help you with your campcraft training. That's not my post.". Maybe the fact that none of our squad went for CI course, is testament to that.

I don't think I'll ever be impressed when I hear people talking about their ranks and when or how they got their ranks. That was just the way our squad was brought up, with the notion that well, honestly in NP the cadets have two choices.
A) Respect the NCO taking you cos he/she has good leadership skills and has no airs
b) Respect the NCO taking you cos he/she has a high rank

Why is the choice so hard to make? To hit a few raw nerves, what is the point of demanding respect? Is there even such a thing? If the person has to shout "YES SIR" for two over hours every week, and after that calls you all kinds of names, what respect is there? Will you be genuinely happy? I don't get why increasingly, the majority of the CIs who graduate, tend to choose option B. We've seen our fair share in NCHS NPCC alone. Why can't it just sink in, that there's a difference, a big difference, in PRETENDING to be a nice guy, and really being one? Face it, the smile on your face, the pointed jokes at people, mean nothing, if it's just a facade. If that 2bucks piece o'cloth really means that much to you, then try to win the respect, not demand it. Am I preaching? Yes. Is it applicable? Yes. From day one, respect has never been given, it's always been earned, so who are you to change that?

I've said it before. At the end of the day, what matters most is that in four years, or however long the tenure in NP is, so long that I can walk out of the CCA with my head held high, with integrity intact, with respect earned, it is enough. And it is. And where that is concerned, I believe our squad can walk out together, hand in hand, with our heads held high and with respect earned.

We're living testimony, that it doesnt warrant a high rank, for people to respect you.

We're living testimony, that unity and the notion of one for all, all for one is not overrated.

We're living testimony, that the journey travelled together, more than makes up for the sticks and stones thrown our way.

And to mark what will probably be the last post on NP, the pledge still remains the same.

Squad 4 for life.

This is Dan, signing off.

In retrospect

2008-06-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

Last night, or early this morning, having a chat with Alicia once again opened my eyes. We shared our private blogs, and well. I must say that once again, I'm blown away.

Reading back on her posts about what happened last year, they really struck a chord with me now. Yeah, a year too late, but oh well. I guess I always thought she was immature and didn't really understand what love or like was. Turns out, I was the fool that didnt. Looking back at the depth of her emotions, how my actions to push her away led to so much negative emotions, I'm forced to face up to the reality that my actions really did cause such consequences. I guess I thought I knew how she felt, but again, I'm the fool.

I know now, almost a year to the day where Round Two started, that the apologies which were given to her before, didnt really mean anything. It didnt mean anything, precisely cos I didn't know, or stop to consider the depth of the injuries inflicted. And suddenly, I'm confronted with the evilness and despicablility of my actions. If I didnt know it already, what I did was too much, too extreme, to be done to her. She didnt deserve it, and now looking back, I don't know how it's possible that the girl didnt come up to me and give me a tight slap.

But if there's one thing good, it's that her dedication, her depth of feeling, has renewed once again my faith in love. I don't doubt for one minute, that she really did like me, that she really did love me, cos if she hadnt, well, she wouldnt have been bothered to care that much about me. She was right last night, when she said that it's always nice to know someone feels that way about you. Yeah it's nice, but knowing that now, can't help but sow some seeds of regret in my heart, at how things turned out.

I now realise how much of a big jerk I was, I realise now why more than ever before, I didnt deserve her love. I know I told myself I didnt, but I couldnt prove it. Now I can. Now I can really say, that I didn't deserve her love. Now I can really say, that she's a much better person than me. Now I can really say, that her friends were right on, spot on in saying that she should have stopped devoting that much attention to me sooner.

And I wonder, how can I wallow that much in my self pity, in feeling sorry for myself about this current thing I'm in, or got myself into. I know I can't live up to her standards, for I've failed in the very first task, telling the person in question that I love her. I wonder how is it that I can allow myself to feel that bad, when well, if this is karma, I have a long way to go to reap fully what I've sown.

And now, I can really say this, without the pleasantries, without feeling like I had to, without being condescending and being just empty words.

I'm sorry.

And this time, I sincerely mean it, from the bottom of my heart.

This is Dan, signing off, whilst pleading for my readers to not enquire about anything, and to just well, leave things in the past where they belong.

2008-06-12T20:50:00.009+08:00

Hey all. I've been back for a few days now, and while I can't say I really enjoyed myself fully on the trip, it definitely was an eye opener. I shall upload a few photos that I've gotten from the other people on the trip. Cos my camera spoilt about two days into the trip. I think my fat arse must have sat on the LCD screen and it cracked. No jokes about that from anyone. Especially Aloysius/Pelloysius/Shadori/Curly Hair Monster.

Cool pic huh. I like how the sunrise could be seen and captured. This was taken in London. While I didn’t really like London as much as Canterbury or Rochester, I was still rather impressed by how old and new buildings made the London skyline unique and much unlike Singapore’s.

One of the places that left the deepest impressions on me was Canterbury Cathedral (next two pictures). It just exuded this sense of deep peace and tranquillity. Maybe it was the fact that for so many centuries, pilgrims have paid their respects to this place. Maybe it was the fact that the cathedral did not succumb to modern tourism. Maybe it was the fact that the cathedral was a magnificent work of architecture. Whatever it was, it served to remind that man is but small, and the deep peace I felt proves to me once again, that God is real and He was there in that cathedral.

The next one was taken at the churchyard where supposedly, served as the place for the opening scene in the marshes in Great Expectations. While it wasn’t what I had in my mind previously, at least it was a nice backdrop, and yeah, I could see why it was argued that the small graveyard by the church was the setting for Pip’s visiting of his kin in the opening chapter.

SHOPPING. Covent Gardens. Something about Brits though. Everything is closed after 5pm. Only bars and hotels and service stations seem to be open after 5pm. Is it any wonder why the majority of angmohs are fat?

Shakespeare’s Globe. I liked the authenticity of this place. It was set in a Shakespearean setting, where the actors never used any electronic aids to amplify their voices. Watching Midsummer’s Night Dream there, was a very enjoyable experience.

Alrights. That's all for now. Will be back soon. This is Dan signing off.

Putting a new perspective on things

2008-05-22T05:32:00.000+08:00

Hey all. As I write this, it's currently 5.32 in the morning. Apart from the small fact that Man United are champions of England, champions of Europe once again, I just can't get back to sleep at the moment. Call it adrenaline, call in sweet taste of victory (though I must say I feel sorry for John Terry), call it whatever you like. All in all, at such an early hour, it always helps me to think and gain new insights on the stuff I've been involved in. So this post will not be a rant going on and on about the glorious Man United, but I just wanna voice a few opinions off-the-cuff. No offence though, and none taken should anyone wanna comment.

Right. I've been thinking lately. Due to my partial involvement in a certain some kinda messy situation, I've been wondering, if I've become the manipulator, the puppet-master, the "Godfather", that I told myself I'd never be. While I admire Yul Kwon for the way he pulled the strings on Survivor Cook Islands, I never thought I could be seen in the same light. From young, I'd always thought that the person worth respecting, is the person behind the scenes who makes all the magic happen on stage. Yet, I ask myself at this stage, if I respect myself for the way I've conducted myself over the last few months. And truth be told, I dunno if I do. There's just something eating at me over the way I've gone about this whole shenanigan.

But yet, I ask myself, is all this called for? Did I bring all of these upon myself? What I do know, is that I made a conscious choice to play a role in all this, and though my role really did not turn out the way I envisioned it, I have no regrets about making that original choice to be involved in all this.

For I realise, I've gained some, lost some.

I won't go into my feelings about losing out on what I'd felt would have been a friendship worth keeping, cos quite frankly, that would take too long, and personally, I'm really still holding on to the hope that it's not the end of the road, that there are still a few more chapters to be written. I won't go into my feelings about possibly being seen as forsaking a friendship for the sake of another, cos that's a story for another day.

For now though, I hope, that I've gained more than I've lost.

That hope, is what I'm holding on to. And that's enough to keep me going.

For now.

The Bitch Files (revived)

2008-05-05T19:21:00.002+08:00

Hey all. Due to the overwhelming prompting for me to update my blog, I shall do just that now. Oh but, flashback to three years ago. I remember posting a series of posts called "The Bitch Files". I also remember a few posts along the way that were bitchy in nature and ranty. I also remember telling myself to not post any Bitch files anymore. Today, I decided to veto that decision, dust off the layers of dust from the Bitch Files, and add an entry.

Cos if there was any person that deserves the title of the human equivalent of this gender of canines, it's probably you. No guesses as to the identity of this person shall be entertained, but I think it's pretty obvious who this runaway winner is. This person has thrashed all other challengers, it's kinda like the number of goals Cristiano Ronaldo has scored for Man U this season as compared to Nicholas Anelka for Chelsea. Which means of cos, 40 goals to 0. Go figure. So let's take a look and delve deeper into what makes this runaway winner so deserving of the award.

The first criteria this person met with impressive regularity, is the ability to piss people off and yet not appear apologetic or even better, even be aware that someone has been pissed off. Why is this important? Cos this shows how much regard others have in this person's eyes. I always thought pissing people off is an art. Apparently, this person is like Leonardo Da Vinci, master of the art of pissing people off. You see, my dear readers, normal mortals like you and me, we realise when we piss people off, cos people shut up and refuse to talk to us when they get pissed with us. Impressively enough, this person has perfected the art of pissing people off to such an extent that, quite frankly speaking, I don't think this person knows if someone's upset with him/her. Seriously people, I'm really really impressed.

People, there's a rather exclusive club for people with high Intelligence Quotient. It's called MENSA. I think, that should there be a club for people with high Emotional Quotient, however, this person would be the first struck off from the list of would be candidates. I liken this person's EQ to the Sahel region in Africa. Barren and arid, with indications of further desertification. On a slightly more positive note, this person deserves to be appreciated. Seriously. I'd like to draw comparisons to the panda. Everyone likes pandas, (for those who don't like pandas, tell me you don't like Hello Panda), and appreciates the uniqueness of pandas. Why? Simply cos the panda is an endangered species. Likewise, this unique and exceptionally homo sapien, is really an endangered species, which is why we should appreciate this person more. I think this person belongs to a rare breed, one that has little or no EQ at all. Simply just because I have yet to come across another similar person, with as little EQ as he/she possesses. Or, as J.K Rowling kindly put it for me when Hermione described Ron, this person has "the emotional range of a teaspoon".

Yet, that last statement is so oxymoronical in nature. Cos this person gets so wound up when people strike a raw nerve, which I've come to realise is almost every nerve, yet fails to see when he/she has struck the nerves of other people. Maybe it's cos this person's nerves have been struck so many times, that he/she has just lost all feeling towards saying the same stuff back towards others. So I believe, another mystery has been added to life's unexplained phenomenons. Joining the hallowed ranks of questions like "Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?" (The chicken dummies, check the dictionary!) and "What is the meaning of life?", is this: "How is it possible, for (insert name here) to be so sensitive, yet insensitive at the same time?" You saw it here first people, new unexplained phenomenons right from this edition of the Bitch files. Now who said reading rants didnt help anyone?

Oh and I almost forgot this huge criteria. This is none other than the possessing of high levels of arrogance and self-centeredness. It takes an all new level of arrogance, when this person is able to display nonchalance, even if you realise the words you say have pissed people off. See what I mean about being devoid of EQ? That's evidence for you. See Mr Sequeira, I learnt stuff from history. I'm inclined to the belief, that this person is living in a world with population one. Him/her. Wow, a world within a world. That's so...Horton. If this person sees this, (I hope not, I'd be screwed!NOT LITERALLY, PEOPLE!), here's a message. It must be getting lonely living in a world only with you in it. So we mortals here on Planet Earth, kindly invite you to abdicate the self-constructed throne you're sitting on, and join us all. After all, calling yourself king has been outdated since Hsaya San did so way back in the start of the last century.

Right. I think I've run out of thoughts, so that's all for the moment. I'll be back soon, I promise. Hopefully with new criteria, so check back regularly. This is Dan, reporting for the Bitch Files.

Oh. I feel like ending with a cheer. So here goes.

Small loser
Big loser
Bigger loser
Welcome to Loser Land
Population One: YOU!

Till the next time!

2008-03-18T21:26:00.003+08:00

Hey all. I'm back with a short post about two things that happened today which got me thinking.A lot.

First of all, wanna say a big big thank you to 0836 for the wonderfuly sweet and touching gesture. Thank you all for the great surprise, the nice card, the wonderful and indescribable feelings of warmth that followed, which I'll treasure for a long time to come. Thank you all for again and again expressing your gratitude for being the Level Camp Facil. I have to be honest. When I volunteered to sign up for this facilitating post, I didnt expect to get all this and to get the amount of gratitude that has followed. I'm humbled by all this, and quite frankly, I don't think I deserved all the gratitude and sweet gestures, for I didnt really have to do much during the camp. To be showered all this, I can only say a real big thank you for thinking that highly of me.

Second thing. Today, I went to Junction 8 with a few of the fellow 36ers, and we just reached Bishan. We were walking by happily joking when suddenly, our attention got diverted by this elderly man who slipped and fell and apparently broke his nose. For a while, we had our hearts in our mouths, as he apparently was unconscious for a while. He lost quite a lot of blood, and the image of him trying to get up, reeked of helplessness and solitude. I felt this deep sense of pity, and I thought. What if in 50 years time, I became that old man? What if I had no one to accompany me, no one to talk to, no one to make life worth living in my last days? The sight of blood pouring and no one helping, triggered many thoughts of mine.

Alright. I shall sign off for now. Till the next time, this is Dan.

Orientation 2 Reflections

2008-03-13T13:21:00.003+08:00

Hey all. This has been a long time coming, but I've been kinda caught up in the past week with Orientation 2, Level Camp and all that. Now that it's the middle of the March holidays, I'm seriously having Orientation hangovers. So this post shall be a collection of random thoughts about the past week that impacted me in many ways.

Having been involved in both camps as an OGL/Facil, it really opened up many opportunities to be more involved in the bonding of my class. Orientation 2 was tiring physically, but we managed to nurture that fun spirit and the beginnings of class unity through the games. The cheering competition was hell, and through the ups and downs of losing the cheer competition, fearing the worst when an asthma attack struck down one of our dance finalists at the most inopportune time, to when we realised Louis was deservedly named Best OGL. I realised it didnt matter that we didnt win the overall best house award, cos we acheived more than we had hoped. We set out to be the best house, definitely, but we managed to instill something more special. We managed to instill that rare comraderie, that brotherhood/sisterhood among the OGLs, that unique bonding between the Apollo classes all in the midst of trying to win the one award that would symbolise all that we acheived. It isnt sour grapes, but having not gotten that symbol now, I realise that symbol wasnt all that important. We managed to instill this spirit that hopefully, most definitely will continue to live on long after this Orientation is over.

Level Camp Facilitating really started during the previous weekend when we went for the Facil training workshop. Granted, our programme flow was almost identical, but the Facil training bonded the Apollo facils together. We laughed together, cried together, complained together at times, but all that served to bond more than just the current 31st batch of NYJCian Facils, but also the generations of NYJCians gone by. We learnt more about each other in two days then we would in a normal environment in like,2 weeks. The facil training more or less allowed our ice to break with each other, and when the activities climaxed with the huge mass celebration with all the dancing and stuff, that's when I first had the inkling that we were really on to something bigger. That was when, I guess, that we were filled with so much hope and anticipation for the actual camp,wanting to spread the spirit and the unity to the rest of our classes and friends.

Which really was why the first day was so hard to swallow for all the facils, I guess. We started out Level Camp with major anticipation and enthusiasm, anxiously wanting to do our parts, but when met with the less than complimentary responses, hearts sank and tempers flared. I'll be the first to admit that I had it much easier with my group as compared to some others, and it's all thanks to them that it was possible. This group was so open, so communicative, so ready to delve deeper, ready to even conduct their own debriefs, that I really didnt have to do much to see results. Which at times made it hard for me to make life difficult for them during the mass activities. Whenever a person stood on the table, and the table shook cos they were afraid, whenever I fired a question and it was met with the silence that meant the person was really stumped, and at a loss to explain further, whenever I heard tears of passion/fear/enlightenment whilst people talked about their goals, I felt the impact a hundred times more inside. My heart ached and bled a little everytime I looked into someone's eyes, and his/her eyes communicated his/her hopelessness, and when I saw a person's goals not receiving any affirmation from the others in his/her group. Which was why, having seen the wholesome effort my group put in, I was sickened to hear the abrupt end to the proceedings of the first day. No one will deny that many tears were shed during the facils debrief session, that many hugs had to be given out, but I shed those tears for an entirely different reason. This group that I took were so open and so participative, that they did not deserve the abrupt ending at all.

The second day definitely touched me alot, starting from the first debrief session, when a few apologised for the previous day. Till now, it's still indescribable how touched I was to hear those short words. The second day had two major activities that were aimed at building teamwork, but I realised that the first one went a little deeper, and sparked off a little something called unity. It was a rather renewing experience to be the despatcher, and to look into the faller's eyes, though some were blindfolded. Especially when the person aint blindfolded, and I realise the person is rather afraid/nervous, and the instant I stand in front of the person, I make eye contact and the person looks back into my eyes. I got the feeling that the person was searching for assurance, so I tried to communicate reassurance through my eyes as well. And if the first activity sparked off the first flames of unity, the other activity definitely fanned the flames. It was very special for me to be that bystander, and observe how the entire class worked towards one goal, and seeing the development of the goals from the mere conceptual and supposed goal at the start, to the whole collective idea that it wasnt the number that mattered, but the journey travelled in that short hour. To hear such wise words, really made me take a step back. Yida and I were instructed to allow their morales to drop before giving advice/pep talks, but honestly, we never had to cos the entire class never allowed their heads to drop, and they gave the advice and delivered their own pep talks to the extent that me and Yida really didnt have to do much except stand around and observe.

To top off the special day, the facils were called to the centre with our classes surrounding us, and as we were told to close our eyes, we heard so many people, the same people that we facilitated in two days, come up to thank and affirm and acknowledge our efforts. It was really heartwarming and touching, to have been through two days and a myriad of emotions, to finally reach the end point of such emotional height. And I realised once again, that we acheived something special, something that occurs only once in a blue moon. Together as a class, we went deeper and were much more honest with each other then we ordinarily would. It would be idealistic to say that the future would be devoid of quarrels and disagreements, but I hope it would be a fair assumption, that this camp provided a strong foundation for the class, and no matter what may come away, it is my hope and prayer that we can retain and build on this unity in the next year or so.

Till the next time, this is Dan signing off.

Reflections of PAE

2008-02-13T20:52:00.003+08:00

Hey all. It's nice to be back after a short while. I wanna talk about some random stuff today, including some updates of JC life.

I wanna thank all the wonderful fantabulous people who've been part of OG8. Each one of you have made it wonderfully easy for me to adapt to JC life, during the first six weeks of 2008. Although with all the ponning, I dunno how effective that will turn out. Well, you guys have been a real integral part of these first few weeks, considering that I didnt know anyone of you prior to the date 1st Jan 2008. Obviously Kyna counts otherwise, but then again maybe not. Cos I did know her before 1st Jan 2008, but I didnt know she was coming to NY. The point is, that you've all made a huge impact, and I hope I have too!

Which brings me to my next point. I realised that in the last six weeks, the only times I felt really at home, comfortable and most importantly, like myself, was when I was with OG8. No offence towards the seminar people, but I've just been unable to bond fully with them. The ice has yet to be broken, and I find myself keeping quiet and basically stoning in one corner during lectures and seminars, just because I can't find common topics to bond with the others. I would safely say that I'm the closest to the retainees, yet within the seminar, I've made many worthwhile acquaintances. I say acquaintances, cos really, the ice has yet to be broken. I don't blame anyone but myself for this failure to meet and make a good friend in the seminar, cos honestly, I really haven't taken the effort to get to know them, nor allowed them to get to know me. So I realise I'm in no position to complain about no friends or anything else, cos the opportunities were there, it's just that the opportunities were not taken. And at the end of the day, I can only say that I'm happy to have seen the same faces during the seminars, and that I'm happy that I at least recognise them on a name-to-name basis. But am I contented with the way things turned out? No. Cos I look back, and I realise that for every opportunity to get to know the seminar people better that I spurned, the others had the same to get to know me. And mutually, without knowing, we just drew into our shells and decided that we werent gonna get to know each other. It's therefore ironic to then say that I don't blame them, cos seriously, I don't. Perhaps I didnt do enough to show that I wanted to care and that I wanted to make friends. At the end of the day, I made choices, and unfortunately or fortunately, the choices were centered around being with the OG.

The point I'm trying to make is that life is full of choices. When we look back and see the road not taken, we see what could have been. And that's full of regrets. The opportunities lost never return in the same form, so am I a little regretful at the way things turned out? Probably. I realise that at the end of the day, I made conscious choices, not realising the consequences that would follow. So the phrase that I used during the ill-fated GP presentation, comes back to haunt me sooner than I thought it would. The choices we make today, impact our lives tomorrow. Thr irony is not lost on me now. Which is why I realise that I have no right to complain or whine about people not allowing me to fit in, when I recall, that I chose not to fit in, due to some reason or other. I therefore cannot be that unreasonable and demanding, to accuse or to be frustrated at not making friends, or not being allowed into cliques, cos in reality, I myself didnt make friends, nor did I allow people to see me for who I really am.

So once again, to the people who are reading this, I'm really not blaming anyone for my failure to make more friends than I did. In fact, I could, but I'd choose to focus on the positives, and thank God that I made enough friends as it is, and that I was surrounded by a wonderful OG, which made initiation into JC life much more easier and comfortable than I thought it would be. I'm merely discussing what could have been, so I hope no offence will be taken. I'll be back soon with other thoughts and stuff, so till then, it's Dan signing off. God bless to all!

Timely reminder

2008-01-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I'm back after a predictably short hiatus, and was actually planning to write a super uber-positive post about the O Level results, but a sudden turn of events turned those plans to dust. Have to warn that this post is gonna be super negative and dark, and you can choose to click that button with a cross at the top right hand corner of your computer screen if you wanna stop reading at anytime.

This morning, a friend of mine told me that someone rather close had suddenly passed on due to an accident the previous night. Admittedly, I didn't really stop and think about the situation, but now having some quiet moments to myself, I find that I'm thinking more and more about life and death.

I'm sorry if this offends the person who told me this, but initially, I was just relieved that the sudden passing did not happen to someone close to me. When my grandmother passed on last year, I could still be calm and not break down totally, cos I knew for quite a while before that it was only a matter of time. A question of when, not if. I honestly have no idea how I'd react if death struck around me out of the blue. I think I'd break down, knowing that all of a sudden, all I had to remember the person by, were memories. Mere memories. Memories that no matter how fond, still remain just shadows of what had been and fragments of what could have been.

And I wonder. What if death claimed me? Would I have made a big enough impact for people to shed tears for me? Would I fade away from the memories of the living, my place in their lives taken by others? I believe that a person never truly dies, till the memories he/she leaves behind are forgotten by the people who are still living. How long would it take for me to truly die, should death come a-knocking? What if tomorrow never comes? Like the Ronan Keating song "If Tomorrow Never Comes" goes, if my time on earth were through, is the love I gave to others enough to last? Never mind accomplishments and goals and ambitions, should there be no tomorrow, will the people I leave behind have heard all that I've wanted to say to them?

Death always has this habit of putting things into perspective. Suddenly, getting that 11points for O's doesnt mean much anymore, when you realise you could be gone and taken away from the people you love with just a snap of the finger. Isn't that why people are "living life to the fullest"? What then constitutes living to the fullest? I mean, nobody put down a set of clear guidelines what living to the fullest really means. Which leaves Man to individually define living to the fullest. That's what death does. It slaps you in the face, forcing you to swallow bitter pills of reality, always providing sharp pangs of guilt and regret over unspoken words and feelings.

In this results-based society, where material and paper qualifications mean the world to some, I think it's good, that we have the reality of death, the suddenness and randomness of death, to keep us rooted, and to give us timely reminders of how at the end of the day, regardless of how relentless our pursuit of material success is, we are ultimately still human. We have to bear in mind, that all that remains of our lives, is a dash between two dates. But what we do in this intermission of two dates, could impact significantly in the lives of others.

So the question that remains is : what's stopping us from making the biggest impact that we can, daily?

OG8

2008-01-11T22:37:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I’m back once again, with the first post of 2008. Just wanted to say briefly that the past two weeks has been absolutely awesome, and that I couldn’t be more thankful. Since this post is gonna appear on both my blog and the OG8 blog, I just wanna say in advance that I’ll say what I really feel deep down, and I hope you respect my opinion and apologise in advance if what I type is not your cup of tea.

I remember that at the end of 2007, I was feeling very apprehensive about a new beginning, that I’d have to fit in once again in a rather foreign environment with no one that I knew previously. Deep down, I didn’t know how to feel about JC life, or the people that I would meet. It’s all the more now, that I really thank God that I was placed in the midst of a bunch of noisy, loud, lame, yet friendly and approachable people.

Honestly, if anyone told me I would be having this much fun with people I only got to know last Monday, I would just laugh in your face. It’s really next to impossible, that a bunch of strangers who just met like 9 days ago could grow so close, so fast.

I know, I know, starting next week, no more OG8. We go into our different classes. But I’d rather choose to look on the bright side. This is the first real test of the bonds that we’ve forged over the last week or so. Put simply, if we can still go about “huat ah-ing” two weeks from now, we really have become good friends. I choose to believe that we can still maintain our closeness and daily spamming activities on MSN. I choose to believe we can start our new and exclusive clique.

We end our journey as an OG. We start a new one, as friends. As corny as it sounds, I truly want us to remain B.F.F. So, who’s willing to join me on this next chapter of our journies?

HUAT AH.
DKengster

Recount of a memorable year

2007-12-31T16:31:00.000+08:00

Hey all. In a blink of an eye, another year bites the dust, and 2007 can be put into the history books after today. For me, it's been a year filled with many learning curves and new found knowledge, and as promised in a few posts a while back, I'm gonna name some of the people who has made an impact in the last year. Or rather, even including the last four years. This is just a personal account addressed to the person named, so I hope it in no way offends anyone.

Arthur -- Hey man. Really glad I got to know you better this year, especially in the second half of the year. We had a major falling-out which was made worse by our refusal to take the first step to apologise. Right now, we're cool man. I hope we can stay in touch man. It's been great knowing you =).

Alicia -- What can I say? You honestly made a super huge impact in the last year, and I'd be lying if I said I didnt regret anything that happened. I really wanna thank you for opening my eyes, for indirectly helping me to understand how good communication works and how to really be tactful. I know, I still have a long way to go. As we move on with our lives (finally!), just wanna let you know that I'm still very sorry at the way things turned out. I hope there are no hard feelings between us. Thanks for the memories! Oh yeah. If you don't mind, direct Melissa to this blog.=)

CSS -- Hey brother..Thanks for the many wonderful conversations we had over MSN. We've come a long way together, and I know you've had more trials and tribulations in the last four years as compared to anyone I know. Who could have predicted four years ago, that the same guy that went "Don't talk to me about Jesus. I hate Jesus" would have been converted and vocal about God? Next year, we'll still be in the same study environment (for the first three weeks at least), and if there's anything you need, or any difficulty you encounter, you know how to find me. Lastly, don't worry about the opinions the others have about you. Be confident in who you are. Don't change to fit the world, cos you can't please everyone. I'm sorry for the times in which I was mean towards you over the last four years. I just want you to know that deep down, I respect you for all that you've had to go through, all the hell you had to take from the rest of us, and all the trials and tribulations that you had to endure. I have no idea how I'd have handled things, or even if I could have remained sane, if I had to go through all that you did. And no matter how I talk to you, or how lowly I appear to think of you, that's how I really feel towards you deep down. My brother, I love and respect the hell outta you. Persevere on man!

Darren -- Thanks for being there when I was angry, pissed, upset and had to find someone to vent my frustrations on. Hope the last few months of tuition pays off man...Keep in touch!

Jocelyn -- Dear sister, thanks for trusting me that much man. It means alot to me, that you're willing to open up, confide and share your innermost feelings with me. I'm not sure if I could ever trust anyone to the extent that you do. I've seen you mature into a beautiful young woman, but here's a note of caution. The world, and society, is a cold place in which good-natured people like you aren't able to survive. Be more alert to all the politics that are going on around you, and always take precautions of a backstab. As your brother, I'm more than willing to play the part of the "Protector", to help you in whichever way you might require it. I'm willing to lend you a shoulder to cry on, to lend a helping hand, to give you moral support, you name it, you've got it. I have one wish for 2008. At this time next year, on 31st December 2008, I wanna be able to say that we're still as close as we are now. I hope it's not too much to ask. I'll forever be your brother, and as promised, my hand will always be here for you, and I'll walk with you always, even if I appear to be far ahead or behind you. As promised, I won't ever stop, until the day you ask me to. You're the true sister that I never had, and you're worthy of the honour of being the first girl that I'm gonna say this to. I love you.

Larrison -- Brother brother, we've come a long long way together in the last year. Who knew such a close friendship could be sparked by you spitting water into my waterbottle?LOL. My brother, it's been breathtaking, seeing you pluck up the courage to be yourself again and throw the mask away. I remember that there was once you said I was strong. Let me tell you something. You're the strong one. You were able to pick yourself up, rebuild your confidence, and be yourself again in a matter of months. I'd have never been able to do that. I admire you, for your determination to let people like you for who you are. It's heartwarming to walk with you, and to get to know you more. Thank you, for trusting me so much, to confide those feelings with me. I know it wasnt easy for you to trust someone that much. Thank you, my brother, for teaching me what it means to stand by your friends. Thank you, for the opportunity to lend you a listening ear, and if need be, a shoulder to cry on. Thank you, for enabling me to learn the meaning of brotherly love. I insist that we keep in touch. I love you, my brother.

Melissa -- Hey. I hope we're cool man. We may have had our disagreements, but if it's possible, I still wanna remain friends with you, and get to know you better. Peace.

Pin Hui -- Hahaha. How can I not include you in a recap of the year? The phrase "万人之上，一人之下" never seemed so true to me man. Hahaha. Hope you get into a good JC/Poly course, and hope that you maximise your story-telling talents. Who knows? One day, I might have the honour of sharing the same class with an acclaimed writer.

Seow Hung -- First things first. I know I didnt pull my weight as vice-chair. LOL. Who cares right? Haha. It's been nice knowing you, and you're one of those that I really hope to remain in touch with. I know you love 4F, but guess what? You're not alone man. So I hope to see you around sooner rather than later. Who knows? I might need to tell you more stuff in the future..*winks*

Sharlene -- Hey..my personal artist man...Thanks for the help with all the cards and other stuff throughout the two years which I knew you. Jialat la..next time no free artist to help me design stuff. Crap! Haha. Oh ya. Thanks for pushing me to not give up on the friendship. Look what it's become now!

Venessa -- Hahaha. I'll be seeing you again next year. Even if I don't end up staying in NY, keep in touch, yeah?

4F -- It's been a blast having been in the same class with all of ya, for the last two years. I hope we keep in touch, and I hope the spirit of the Farmers will live on, for a long time to come! While our relationships soured towards the end, let's hold on to the many happy memories we've had, and let the exploding BBQ pit be a sign of our bonds together, for many more years to come. Cos our chemistry too good liao...

Squad 4 -- What more can I say, that I haven't already? It's a full stop for almost all of us, and we journey on as friends. Deep down, we all know that the uniforms, batons, rifles, ranks, berets and boots can be taken away, but no matter what, the memories will remain with us, for a long time to come. The NP Chalet really brought down the curtain on 2007 for me on a very high note. You are all welcome to join me in memory lane, as I recall pumping in the quadrangle, all the camps, all the times we ganged up together as a squad to outcast other people, and all the pranks we played on one another. One wish for 2008, is that at this time next year, our NCHS NPCC Squad 4 Blog is still alive, and is still being updated regularly.

That pretty much concludes the list for NCHS people.

Alvan -- Hey man. Good to get to know you better this year. I wanna see your face in TNG more often, cos I believe that together, we can spark revival in Agape. Don't ask me how, but I know we can. Hope that you can be available more often, and hope to have many more laughs together in '08.

Ben -- Hey dude. I wanna tell you something from the heart, and I hope you take this without any offence, cos there's none intended. I honestly feel, that you tend to look at things only from your own perspective. Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling you self-centred. I'm just saying that you have to consider both sides of the coin before reaching conclusions, cos if you don't, chances are that your conclusions will be wrong. You're just too nice, too naive, which makes you all the more susceptible to influences and being taken advantage of. It doesnt mean that just cos you arent out to hurt people, that people aren't out to hurt you. I hope you walk with eyes open, and that you carefully weigh the intentions of others, as well as yourself, before you make decisions to do stuff. As far as I'm concerned, if you're willing, I wanna walk with you, and help you to spot potential dangers, so that you don't get hurt unneccessarily. I wanna walk with you, to guide you and help you get over obstacles, to pull you out of quicksand. My offer will always stand, and I've told you this before. My phone is switched on 24/7, so should you need it, call me, even if it's 3am in the morning. Just don't call and laugh non-stop, cos you don't wanna know the consequences. (this is a second level joke, so if you get it, LAUGH. If you don't, then don't bother figuring it out)

Mich Tia -- I know you're leaving soon, but that's no reason why we can't still keep in touch and update each other. I know that God will keep you safe in a foreign land, and I promise that I'll do my best to keep you updated on Agape. A year's gonna pass very soon, so in a blink of an eye, I'll see you again! God bless man. Thanks for the memories!

Mei Ching -- Again, thanks for the un-cliche MSN conversations. It's fast becoming a hobby. I appreciate the fact that you're willing to share personal stuff with me, and that I can do the same with you, no questions asked. God bless you, and may He grant us many more laughs together (I still wanna prank Cheryl!!)

Samantha -- Thanks for stepping in as Agape's new CGL. I hope we don't give you too many headaches. If we do, well you're not the first leader we've driven up the wall. Just ask Mei Ching. Hahaha. Hope that I can get to know you better in the coming year.

That roughly concludes my list for 2007. Anyone is welcome to drop a tag or contact me on MSN. It's been a blast, and next year promises more of the same! God bless to all readers, and have a Blessed New Year! This is Dan, signing off.

Christmas

2007-12-24T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hey all! Just wanna wish all who are reading a very Blessed Christmas. When Christmas arrives I usually take the time to reflect on the year that has almost passed by, and this year's no difference.

I'm thankful for all the friends that I have, who've made the last 4years very memorable for me.

I'm grateful for the love that has been given to me by family, friends, and the brother and sister that I have. (You know who you are.)

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for all the blessings upon blessings that He's showered upon me.

While I know next year is one filled with many new beginnings and major decisions, I'm willing to trust God, who I know has all the plans for me, plans which would not harm me, but prosper me. I'm determined not to worry about the future, cos frankly speaking, there isnt any benefit of doing that. I know it's hard to be completely secure, but I'll try to be.

I'm thankful for all the times that I've been able to have un-cliche convos on MSN and SMS. I thank those who let me into their inner circle, for trusting me so, and I'll be the first to state that to be able to stand by you while you were down and out is my honour, and it's something I'll always be willing to do.

I miss my grandmother, but I know she's in a better place, a place where there's no pain, no suffering, no disease and heartache. She's in a place where peace reigns supreme, and all the roses don't have thorns, to steal a phrase.

Lastly, to steal another phrase, I know sometimes life is like a leech. It sucks. But at all times, there's always The Great One.

It's Dan signing off for now. Blessed Christmas to one and all again.

Reflections.

2007-12-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

Hey all. Back after a short enforced hiatus due to my com kena-ing some kinda virus/spyware crap. It was a blessing in disguise, cos I took the opportunity to reflect on stuff and really put some thought into other things that admittedly, I didnt really think about before. Bear with me and for those who don't know what's up, don't bother figuring out.

1) I looked back over the last four years. I've realised how far I've come, how far we've all come. If anyone had told me what I'd be in for at that time four years ago I think I would have considered the person mental. I've made so many friends, so many people had impacts on my life. I wonder what I'd be, had each and everyone of my dear friends not been in my life and taught me that many lessons. Some lessons I've learnt the hard way, some through talking to friends and some through giving advice. I'll post a more elaborate post during the final days of the year and I promise I'll put down the names of the people who really have changed me and the people I hope I have made an impact on as well.

2) Many may not know this. When I first entered NCHS, I had just emerged from a primary school which provided me with many experiences. I didn't have any friends, and the one I thought was closest had turned his back. I entered NCHS shattered in confidence and not knowing what life had to offer. I can safely say that in six months in NCHS, I made more friends than I did in six years previously. And these people became the lighthouses for me, the guiding lights that steered me to shore when I was stranded with no direction in life. Because of them I strived to be the person that they could turn to in need, cos that's what they did for me. I love all of them like brothers and sisters, and I can only say, that you all (you know who you are) made me who I am today, and for that I can't thank you guys enough.

3) I know, I know, this has been coming for quite a while. I just wanna state that I aint gonna apologise for anything that I don't feel sorry for, cos I want apologies to be more than just freaking words. I know how egotistical that sounds. I'll say this though. Of all the times I DID apologise, I meant every word of it. I don't care if you believed them, but I did. I wish I could say my conscience is clear, but fact is that it hardly is. This may sound condescending, but what makes you think I sleep well at night, knowing what I've done is donkeyish? What makes you think I enjoyed seeing what once was and could have been a great friendship totally break down? What makes you think I don't feel guilty enough to put you through all that? 9 times out of 10 I struggled making the decisions that I knew would be cruel. And I'm still struggling with the repercussions of those decisions that cost me a good friendship at the very least. Call me egotistical and not tactful and aloof all you want, 10 times out of 10 it's a facade to hide an also aching heart that is pained by the way things turned out. Not a day goes by that I don't wish things could have turned out differently, that we could turn back time and make things work our better. Saying all these is useless now, I know that. And I also know that I don't care how things turn out, I just want things to turn out right. I know I've erred in many ways, but I ain't perfect, and I don't profess to be. Being able to patch and end things on a good note, would be the best damn Christmas present I could have this year. And that isnt bullcrap, it isnt sweet-talking, it isnt being egotistical, it isnt said just for the sake of saying. That's from the heart, believe it or not, cos I do have one too.

For those who are reading this, if you don't know what's going on, or if you don't know me well enough to be in a position to comment, don't. I don't think you'd like the consequences. Till the next time, which should ideally be around Christmas or so, this is Dan signing off.

Chalet reflections (4Farmers)

2007-11-16T21:29:00.000+08:00

Hey all. Back after a short hiatus and a chalet with my beloved 4 Farmers. Would now like to share some of my reflections, so I'm sorry in advance if my feelings are not shared.

Last night, or this morning if you wanna be technical, a few of us sat around the bbq pit polishing off the chicken wings. I dunno what happened, but we suddenly went silent, each lost in our thoughts. I looked around and saw the many different, yet colourful characters and personalities that made up and is the very essence of 4F. We had so much fun over the course of the last two years, and it just suddenly struck me, and perhaps almost all present, that it was truly the last night that we could be together, under the label of "classmates". For in a short while, we have to take on the label of "EX-classmates", and gone will be the days where we could laugh together like we did for the last two years. Somehow, there was an unspoken warmth and I get the feeling that there were many words left unsaid, that it didn't seem fitting enough to be a full stop that capped the last two years. It was a nice experience to be sitting together and talking, and I think it's just me, but somehow, I think we all realised it was all coming to an end. And I don't think anybody wanted it to end.

The most eventful thing of the chalet was the "explosion" of the makeshift BBQ pit, the details of which most likely will be found on the blogs of others. What I wanna talk about, is the aftermath of the explosion, which to me, really underlined the extent of our friendship. In some, the leadership qualities took over and started damage control. Some tended to the wounded. Some rushed out a contingency plan. The point? I saw so many people working together to salvage the situation, which to me underlines the genuine love, care and concern we all have for each other. Despite the many differences we might have from person to person, it is clear that we can put those differences aside and put our heads together to work towards a common goal. So the question that remains, is this. Why don't we? Sure, the one common goal we all had is over, but the journey of life means more than just results. On this journey of life, we reach many roadblocks and detours, but we find ways around them, not stop completely. I know my voice doesnt amount to much, but I really wish, and hope, that we all can part on happy terms as a class, and not end two really great years with ill feelings. Maybe it's too much to ask, but can't we just shelve aside our pride and settle all disagreements amicably, so that we can put a wonderful full stop, instead of a messy one? Can't we just all be a little selfless, end this journey appropriately, and start the next journey, the one we walk together as friends, on the right note?

Relationships splinter, and relationships crack. Relationships may not all last long and be marathons, but at least we can say that we tried repairing the cracks. Sure, it may be just plastering over the cracks, but at least we can say we did that. At least we didn't just not do anything. I'd like to believe that trying and failing is better than not trying at all. So my plea is this -- let's settle our differences and not part on bad terms. Let's try to show the genuine concern and love without the need for an unforseen circumstance to catalyse these feelings. Why bother to have anger and misunderstandings ruin the relationships that we've built up over four years? What does that acheive, but more anger, heartache, unhappiness and disappoinment? We've shown in the past that we can be united, so why don't we? Is pride really that important? Like the saying goes, don't wait for the hearse to take you to church, and in the same way, should we let something really major happen before we wake up and regret not repairing those cracks? And when that time comes, won't regretting be too late?

I know, that I have no business saying what I'm about to say. I hope those reading will respect my point of view. Lately, it has come to my attention (Ah shucks that just sounded so formal) that there has been a few internal conflicts among the class. I just wanna take this opportunity to voice my opinion. People may call me idealistic or whatnot, but I believe, that we can put our heads together to solve the issues. I know how difficult it can be for two people at loggerheads to settle things amicably and not let issues boil over for too long. I've struggled with that before, and in fact, I have just been involved in a similar situation, in which I have been quick to blame and slow to forgive. There are always two sides to a coin, and likewise, why should either side be quick to insist that they are absolutely right? In sixteen years, if there's something I've learnt, it's that nobody can be absolutely right, all the time. So maybe we should all take a step back, and then reflect on our position through the eyes of others. Maybe then, we'll start understanding the actual position and stand that we are taking. Maybe then, we'll be able to glue together the fragments of our friendship.

Me, as a silent observer, I'm deeply saddened by the twist in our friendships. I wonder what has happened to the old 4F, when we would laugh together and be truly united, even if it meant at the expense of others. Does that mean that at the end of four years, when we stand before the raging vortex that threatens to consume our very souls and spit out our remains mercilessly that is society, we have started to adopt the very mentality that is the hallmark of society? Have we started forsaking friends for personal gain? Have we started building an axis around us for the world to spin around? What has happened to our childhood innocence, that the extent of our arguments has to grow from "I don't friend you already" to "Just leave me alone, I dun care if you live or die"? Does that mean that once we hit age 16, we must start adopting society's approach to caring for our fellow man? And talking about society, why must we conform to the definition of normal by society? Can't we just live our lives the way we want to, as long as our consciences are clear? Yes, it's an idealistic Nirvana, but if we work together, we as the next generation can and will make that a reality.

A final tribute for my grandmother

2007-11-12T17:58:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I'm back after what has been a real struggle. Now that the O's are over, I just wanna update my blog and the things that has happened in my life since that last post.

I remember stating that my grandmother had fully recovered from a mild stroke. It was not to be, as she passed on to greater glory on 22 August 2007. While we were mentally prepared for that to happen, the sudden timing of it really sparked my thoughts. I don't recall ever telling my grandmother that I love her. But I do. And I hope that my actions have shown that over the course of the last 16 years. I just wanna take this opportunity to express my last regards for my grandmother. You guys don't have to read on if you're not interested.

For 16 years, the phrase "You only miss something when it is taken away from you forever" seemed like one of the greatest cliches to me. In the last few months, however, I've fully understood the reality of that statement. When I have a spare moment, my thoughts inevitably turn towards my grandmother, terribly missing the 5minute trips to her house that I made every month to give her the daily essential items she needed. I miss going to her place, miss all the memories I share with her, knowing that from now on, that will be all that's left. Memories. Suddenly, it all seems like a shadow of a dream. I miss updating her on my studies and my life, which ironically, I'd have deemed a hassle in the past. I miss all that, and more.

But she, like my grandfather, who preceded her Home three years ago, was a strong willed person. Both of their fighting spirit were never gone, and it never waned, even in the last days of their lives. Even till their last breaths, they fought and clung on stubbornly. My grandfather fought off pneumonia for two whole weeks before he passed on. And that's no mean feat for a person aged 84. My grandmother fought and clung on and refused to go without a fight, even in her last days, when all her internal organs had failed or were failing, and she could neither eat nor talk. What she did, spoke more volumes than any words could. She fought courageously, for each breath, not giving up despite all the effort it took her just to BREATHE. They are, in my opinion, like boxers who had undefeated careers. Yeah, they passed away. But I'd like to think that they died undefeated by all the demons of illness and disease that plagued them.

In both life and death, my grandparents were both very stubborn. They refused offer after offer from us to move in, wanting to stay indepedent. If there was anything that riled my grandfather, it was having to rely on others. He rode a bicycle to the wet market every other day, despite being well into his seventies. If Jun Ting can do that at age 70, I'll personally kowtow to him. My grandmother refused a maid until she could not walk without assistance. Even in her last days, she allowed her stubbornness to shine through, refusing the aid of artificial oxygen even when her lungs had shut down. It doesn't matter that they were old or not "cool", what matters come from within.

Their stubbornnes often equaled resoluteness. My grandfather spent his last years without an inkling of who we were, after a blow to his head wiped out all his memory. The old sparkle in his eye was gone, but he never gave up, never quit trying to connect names to faces. My grandmother experienced her share of troubles too. She saw her youngest and favourite son pass away a full decade before she did. She saw her second son's business fail and with it, all or most of her life savings. She survived a bout of breast cancer and two relapses. The point? She never gave in, despite all the obstacles put in her way by the Devil. Despite all the misfortune, she lived the creed my grandfather used to speak about whenever obstacles stood in their way. "Let it Be". They were living testament that it's possible to have troubles and yet remain positive. And compared to mine, what right do I have to complain about the hand that life has dealt me? What right do I have to be negative, when they didn't?

Some have asked if they gave in, or we pulled the plug. Let it be known, that they never gave in. Why would they, when they regarded death as life's next big adventure, to steal a quote from JK Rowling. In fact, my grandmother was not on any medication or treatment for five full years before she passed on. She made a full recovery from a mild stroke at age 87. What mental strength must one have to pull through all that? They definitely welcomed death with open arms.

Their mantra was that of all the obstacles there would be in life, the last one they'd overcome would be death. In my mind, they are more than conquerors, and they deserve the utmost respect that I can give. Death, was regarded, as the longest and most peaceful sleep of life. I can only pray, that I can be that strong, and that fearless of death, when my time comes as well. I can only pray, that I will be able to live a life that will have the hallmarks that they displayed. By faith, I hope that now, when they're in a better place, they can look down and be proud of the life that I lead. They're now in a place devoid of all suffering and agony. There's no more crying, no more pain. Instead, what awaits them is eternal peace, and the one place where roses don't have thorns, and life IS a bed of roses. I won't ever forget the look on my grandmother's face as the lid of her coffin was shut. It was a look that exuded indescribable peace, and for as long as I could remember, a face that was not contorted in pain.

Thanks to all who're reading this. I'll be back soon with other updates. Till then, this is Dan, signing off, with the epitaph that is on my grandmother's headstone, which I had the last honour of choosing.

"I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith"
( 2 Tim 4:7 )

Thinking deeper

2007-07-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hey all. First up a good news. My grandmother was discharged from hospital yesterday. Thanks for everyone around me who helped make it easier for me. Like my MSN nick said, I love the people who bothered so much about me they cared to ask "What's wrong?"

Ever since that unpleasant experience just a week ago, I realised that my views of life have changed somewhat. Nearly seeing my grandma pass away before my eyes made me realise how stupid some of the things I've been doing are. When a week ago I might have exacted revenge for wrongs done to me, I now find that it's just meaningless. You can say that the experience changed the way I view things. I'll be the first to admit that I'm one who thinks deeper into issues, but the experience made me gain an even more introspective view of life. Compared to the biggest issues in life, like death and pain and suffering, minor petty stuff are so meaningless. In Ecclesiastes, the writer often writes about how life under the sun is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. And really, as pessimistic as it sounds, there is really sound reasoning behind it. One of these days, I may just blog about that altogether.

For now, I just wanna talk and blog about the Area Games Day we had today, but I don't think I'll be giving a play-by-play of the entire day. Undoubtedly, it was full of highs and lows. Undoubtedly, we'll take back many memories. But again, I wanna draw attention to the importance of the message behind two consecutive overall victories.

In Stephen Covey's bestseller, The Seven Habits For Highly Successful People, he writes about how we should have the end in mind when we begin. God works in many ways, and sometimes, the ways in which He signifies the start and end of events are remarkably and magnificently poetic. Like today. A year ago, we won the overall title, which was the first thing we did as the NCO Batch. We led our juniors and the entire unit to the title. Today, at what can only be seen as the last thing we do as the NCO Batch, is to co-lead the unit to the overall title, together with the new batch.

What does that imply? It simply means that we've come full circle. Some call it destiny, I call it a wonderful ending, that's too good to be true. I remember last year, when we had equal highs and lows as we won the title, I privately wished that I could have the same feeling this year. And I did. Coming full circle, to me, was not just about ending and starting at the same time. In a year, I've learnt many things, and I've grown to love my squad. If coming full circle just means ending and starting at the same point, we've missed the point altogether. What's the point of a journey, if we have not enjoyed the journey we're on? My point is that if we just take the two titles as two singular acheivements, we'll forget about them as time goes by. But what time can never erode, is our memories of how we acheived these two titles.

Through sweat and tears. Through highs and lows. Through indignant anger and sense of pride. Those are what I take from the two titles. People tend to rush through life. That's why life sucks to them. We're so intent on acheiving our goals, that we forget about taking into account how we acheived those results.

For me, the journey in this past year, has been like no other. I had the chance to walk this journey with my friends. That's more than I could wish for. A journey well travelled, is a journey with friends. I'm glad I got to share this euphoria and joy with my squadmates. I wouldnt exchange anything, for the experiences we shared in the past year. That's why these two titles will hold special regard in my mind. Not cos we won, but cos of the people I won it with and the manner in which we won it.

For me, coming full circle told me that God had finally placed a full stop at the end of this phase of my life. He has blessed me so much that I got to enjoy so many great memories. This full stop, signifies the end of NPCC for me. Heartbreaking it may be, but to me, I'd rather not feel heartbroken and sad about this end.

Why not? Cos life's all about choices. The choices we make. I choose not to feel too downcast at the end of the road in NPCC. Rather, I choose to feel contented. Contented at the way things turned out in four years. Contented about how much we've grown, as individuals and as friends. Contented about how this 4 letters would mean in my life. Contented by the memories I have. Contented, for the people I got to share them with.

Not a day goes by, when I don't thank God for letting me be a part of this squad, for letting me enter the lives of others in what I can only hope is the same special way that they've entered mine. Four years ago, none of us could have predicted how things would pan out. Ultimately, it's not this end that I have in mind. The end of a journey, is but the start of another. I've cherished the times we spent together as a squad. It's the end of our respective journies in NP, but may it be the start of our journies as friends. Our time as a squad may have ended, but our time as friends have not!

Ultimately, it all boils down to this. I'm happy that NP has ended in this way for me. I'm happy about the last four wondrous years.

We've spent 4 years together, with 3 different levels of juniors and 2 different levels of NP life. What remains, is 1 squad.

I'm ready to embark on the next journey, the one we walk together as friends. Who's willing to join me?

Family emergency

2007-07-08T10:49:00.000+08:00

Hey all.

Originally wanted to seize the last few moments of 07/07/07 to blog about my four glorious years in NPCC. A last minute emergency, however, has caused me to temporarily shelve that aside.

My father and I went out for dinner together, cos my mum was at a friend's place. As we ordered the food, I was hoping we'd get done asap cos I wanted to watch Live Earth. However, we soon got a call from my grandma's maid, saying grandma kept vomiting and was in pain. We rushed through dinner and went to her place.

There, as we entered the flat, I could hear my grandma crying out in pain. I entered her room and there she was, lying on the bed, not having the energy to even roll around in pain. All she could do was to cry out and ask the pain to stop, ask someone to make it stop. She cried out that she was dying, and that she wanted her Father God to save her from the pain.

What could I do? Nothing, except sit there like a useless piece of shit and hear her cries of pain, feeling her pain in my body as well. Also knowing that the pain she was feeling translated into many times than I could imagine. Sitting there in the brown chair in her bedroom, I could do nothing. The more she cried out and the more she vomited phlegm, the more sick to the stomach I got, willing the ambulance to arrive faster.

I've never felt so useless and helpless in my life. I wished I could take away her pain. I wished I could be the one in pain, instead of her. I closed my eyes, hoping it would minimize the cries of pain. As I closed my eyes, her cries seemed to amplify and reveberate ever louder than before. And I could do nothing.

Nobody can tell me they know how I felt at that time, unless they've been through the same thing.

Nobody can tell me how I felt when I stayed at home alone, waiting for word from the hospital.

Nobody can tell me how I felt when anger and confusion burned through me, realising it had been 3hours before the hospital would ward my grandma.

Nobody can tell me how long it felt, those moments in her room, her cries of pain flooding my ears and my mind.

Nobody can tell me how I felt when I heard that the doctors could not give her any medication or operate on her, cos she was too weak.

Nobody can tell me how I felt when I heard that all the docs could do was to make her as comfortable as possible, for the time being.

Nobody can tell me how I will feel if that is to be my last image of her in her home, crying out in pain.

I keep telling people around me not to think too negatively. Perhaps it's time for me to take my own advice. I'll be strong, hoping my grandma will feel the strength in me. I'll be faithful, hoping God will take away her pain. And no matter what, I'll still praise God.

I'm sorry if the old Daniel isn't around mentally for the next few days.

I'll be back soon. I promise.

The post about NP will come soon. I promise.

One request for now. Keep my grandma in your thoughts and prayers, my faithful readers. That's what I'd like you people to do for me. Thanks.

Dan is signing off now.

A lengthy tirade

2007-06-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

Hi to all. Well, the Os are drawing ever closer, and this week has been an eye opening one for me. I just had a few things I needed to get off my chest.

As we all know, the Os draw ever closer. This means that our stress levels go up. And for what? Seriously. Hundreds of thousands of Singaporeans have gone through this exam. But what does this exam really prove? That we are capable of cramming motherloads of information? I just think that the irony of the Os isnt lost on anyone. In an increasingly "paper" society, this is just a basic piece of paper, the one all must have, and a decent one at that.

In an era where nobody can excel anymore with minimal qualifications, what happens to those who are really not yet that mature enough to understand the importance of a month-long exam period in their lives? Are they supposed to live with the guilt? The consequences are heavy, but in a day and age where no one in society looks highly upon people with low qualifications, the implications are tremendous.

Gone are the old days of yore, when people like Bill Gates could rise to the top despite having little or no qualifications. Now, in order to even qualify for the bottom of the food chain, one must have qualifications which eluded almost everyone in the past. And for what? To feed man's everlasting hunger for success? To give man the satisfaction that he is better than the person standing next to him?

This may sound cliche, but it rings ever true. Do the number of qualifications one have automatically override one's character and moral upbringing? Man is never content with what we have. While this brings a drive and a desire for success, it also brings with it arrogance, greed and power. Power which corrupts the soul. Is it then any wonder, that all over the world, white-collar crimes are on the rise? While the heart would tell you that "I would rather be a nice guy than an asshole who climbs to the top by unscrupulous means", the reality is that nice guys finish last. Society nowadays is so cold that no one bats an eyelid towards heartwarming episodes. People nowadays question all good intentions, believing that all men are born evil, when in fact, it is the world around us who has developed this soul-consuming corruption and obssession with power.

And after the Os, so what? Years and years of studies just to ensure that we don't get left behind by society. And after that, upon emergence in the working world, we get embroiled in a never ending rat race. So what if we win this rat race? The winner of the rat race, is still a rat after all.

Along the road to success, people tend to forsake their ideals, having the mentality that "I'll be good when I succeed". This is the exact thing that the Devil uses to blind our eyes. Man's definition of success is ever-changing. A few generations ago success meant being able to put food on the table. Now, success means having the world at our feet.

All this fighting for material things which can never last forever, in light of recent events both home and abroad, seems really meaningless and pointless. Thaddeus Chong died at the ripe old age of 17, trying to accomplish his definition of success. His dream ultimately cost him his life, but at least he died living his dream. His death raises the point that if you push too hard, sometimes you're bound to fail. When will man wake up? When will society wake up? An aloof society is a far cry from the heartwarming communities often seen in novels. And maybe that's what they are, novelties at best.

How then do we conveniently sit back and allow this to happen? And go "tsk tsk" and wonder what the world has come to when people commit heinous acts? Isn't that a little too late? What's the point of being armchair critics? Society has a sadistic love of seeing people fail, and even more, them failing to get back up again. We love to pour out harsh criticisms when people stumble and fall, hoping that their fall means we climb higher in the food chain.

This has been all over the news, in that Chris Benoit killed his family and then himself, driving people to question and label him as a "monster". People condemn him for doing what he did and then not having the guts to face up to his actions and spend his life behind bars if that's what it meant. Personally, all who know me realise that I watch wrestling, and he was larger than life. He was a hero to me, cos of report after report of his humility outside the squared circle. John Cena says that he was one of those guys we go to war with. Benoit's last acts will forever tarnish his image in my mind. It's hard even now to write of him in the past tense. As a wrestler who went out to put a smile on my face and the thoughts of "how the hell did he just do that" in my mind, he deserved respect from all. How convenient is it now that he's dead, that we question his sanity and lifestyle. Society loves to do this. Even when the person's dead, we can't let him rest in peace, or in Benoit's case, probably rot in hell forever. Comment after comment has been targeted at his character, and how convenient are we to be arm chair critics, sitting at a safe distance to heap and hurl abuse at him and others who stumbled and fell. Yes, steroids he might have taken, but isnt that another example of how people do everything to get to the top, even though it isnt worth it all? Victim of society's unrelenting ability to corner people into making big mistakes? In my mind, yes.

The question remains, that having so many historical lessons to draw experience from, why is it so that we fail to acknowledge the increasing role society plays in trapping people in its bottomless pit? It all starts from a simple exam, which has major consequences on how our life pans out as society deems it.

Is there still hope? There always is. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining in every dark cloud. We hold the key to our future. Society can force us into becoming many things and can take away many things, but the one thing it cant take away,is our identity. We can use our identity, unique from person to person, to change how the world looks at it's components. Is that a dreamy ideal? For now, yes. Could it be turned into reality? That's for us to decide.

Alrighty. My lengthy tirade's over. Just needed to blow off some steam before I get my head down and embark on a final spurt for the Os, diving headfirst into the vortex of society, desparately trying to keep my head afloat and trying to hold on to my own sense of identity. I don't expect any other comments from this post, with the exception of the "wah, you very cheem leh" type of comments.

Till the next time, this is Dan signing off.

Updates and a happy ending

2007-06-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I'm back once again, and I'd like to believe that's by popular demand. We're currently in the midst of the last major school holidays before the Os and well, time seems to be flying when I'm not studying. So I'll just like to blog about a few updates since the last post and as usual, all comments are welcome.

1) By all comments, I mean real comments, not flooding my tagboard for the sake of flooding it. I dunno why, but I find that really is bloody irritating. Sure people get bored, but there are other better things to do than flood tagboards with whole chunks of crap. And then people get unhappy when their "hard work" is deleted. I say serves you right. For some reason I never like people to mess around in my blog and tag meaningless stuff. I say meaningless stuff, not lame crapping. Lame crapping's fine cos it relieves tension. By meaningless stuff I mean things which make no sense at all. So I hope a warning has been served, and cut the meaningless stuff on my blog.

2) In a few days, I'll be meeting up with the Sec 3 Core Group for the first time. I've got loads to say and loads to ask as well. Recently I was thinking of asking some ex-Core Grp people to help me draw up an agenda of sorts, kinda like the few we did when we met. Volunteers are welcome, and may be rewarded as well =). As the Sec 3s embark on the NCO phase I just really hope they do the unit proud. Batch after batch has said upon POP, that it'll be the end of NP after they leave. I didnt really appreciate the faith they had in us. So I'm not going to say the same thing. What I'll say, and I hope this speaks for most of the Sec 4s, is that I have the utmost faith in the next batch. Yes, they may not have as many people as compared to us, but what makes up for that is the leadership talent. I believe that all of them have potential, and I see many great leaders of NCNP. And it doesnt matter if they fail in certain areas. What matters is how they go about picking themselves up and making the unit proud. I said 3 months ago, after the conclusion of ALTC that I feared for the future of this unit. I take that back, and it's with a great joy that I do. I'll be the first to say that they can make it. The Sec 4s know what it's like for the world to look down upon us, and say that we cant succeed. That's why I say, it's not about winning or losing or even UOPA Gold, but the journey travelled together that matters. Put this way. If I now gave all the Sec 4s a choice between the relationships we enjoy now, and acheiving UOPA Gold with politics and backstabbing, which one would we choose? So while the UOPA is important, what's more important, is that we dont lose sight and take the journey travelled together for granted.

3) Recently, I've had a hard time dealing with a couple of personal problems, and friendship issues. I'd just like to report that all's well that ends well, and there has truly been a happy ending. It's great to see my effort into that friendship being appreciated and acknowledged, and while I may not have known which way to go during my last post, it's all clear to me now. I'll do my best to help you outta that rut. And really, don't start thanking me, until it's been all done. The pledge we made was simple but cling on to it. Remember the promises we made. And here's one more that I'll declare openly. I won't ask you to change yourself for me. I want you to be comfortable in your own skin. Even though others may not approve of it, I'll support you no matter what the consequences are. And you really wanna know why I'd do so much for you? Cos in a way, I have this brotherly love for you. And I want you to know that in all that you do, being happy is what matters most. I promise that I wont require you to do things you feel uncomfortable about. What I'll do, is to slap you and do all I can to let you move in the right direction, and help you start afresh, taking off that mask that has hindered you so much in the past. And again. Why am I doing that? Cos really, that's what friends are for, as cheesy as it may sound. All I really ask for, is that you treasure this friendship, and do your part in helping yourself.

Alright, that sums up all the updates I have for now. So once again, all comments are welcome and appreciated, but there IS a limit to the flooding of my tagboard, and consequently, the wrath the flooders may have to face. Till the next time, it's Dan, who believes that God alone will be my judge, signing off.

Time to catch up

2007-05-25T16:11:00.000+08:00

Hey all! By popular demand, I'm back after an absence due to the Mid year's, along with other things. I'd like to talk about a few things and I believe it's time to get things off my chest once again.

1) Firstly, what's up with trying to be "in" all the time? I realise being popular is cool, but to what extent? I've never been popular, so call me biased, but I don't think it's all that important. I don't think I have a case of sour grapes. If I did, I wouldnt be talking about it in a civil manner. But I realise that some of the people around me are going to great lengths to be popular and stay popular. I've always believed that seeking acceptance of the majority must not come at the price of sacrificing one's own personal beliefs or interests. If being accepted means having to compromise my beliefs, I'd rather be the most unpopular guy on earth. Also, in a sense, the more people seek acceptance by the crowd, the more insecure they really are deep down. This is the rationale. Cos if you know who you are, you'd be able to have the confidence and the security that you are who you are. Nothing will then be able to budge you or affect your confidence in a way that really alters your thinking of who you are. With that knowledge, you wouldnt wanna change YOURSELF for others. Of course you wouldnt demand others to change to suit your style, but being comfortable in your own skin, and the knowledge of who you really are, would result in the belief that I am who I am. I aint gonna change just cos the world don't like me. So long as I know myself and am secure in my own identity, I will find good friends, without having to compromise anything I believe in. It's like this. Apples are apples, oranges are oranges. There will be people who like apples and others who like oranges. I'd rather be the best orange that I can be, so that those who already like me, can continue liking me for who I am, as compared to trying to be an apple, at the risk of alienating those who really care.

2) Next, I wanna talk about something personal. Friends are meant to be the people who are there in times of trouble and heartache. Treating them like dirt, equates to you alienating a possible source of help in the future. This didnt happen to me, but I played a major role in it. A friendship nearly came to bits at a flagrant suggestion. I think the parties involved don't even fully know of my involvement. So, I'd just like to give an apology to that person, even though you might not know why. For those who do, I'd appreciate it if you didnt mention any names. A word to the wise for the rest. Don't treat your friends like dirt and expect them to always lay down and give in. There will come a day when the person can take no more. Everyone has a limit, even the most patient of individuals. If the day comes where even real friends can take no more, the friendship will come to an end. And that will be a truly sad day for all parties involved. Always remember, we reap what we sow. The seeds of friendship are blown all over by winds of change. If the seed falls on an uneven surface, no growth of note will be seen. So let the seeds fall on the most fertile of land, so that there will come a day when the seeds bear fruit.

3) One more thing. I wanna talk about the NPCC postings for the Sec 3s. I have to say that while I personally didnt agree with some postings, I still hope for all of them to work cohesively. If those who are reading remember the few talks we had in the closing parades of our tenure with the Sec 3s, I said that the challenge has been set, and it was time for them to step up, and overcome it. What I didnt say was that I'd wish for the next batch to do this as a team, not as individuals. That is the only recipe for success. Also, treat each other with respect. If you first don't respect your own squadmates, how then do you expect your juniors to respect them? You cant ask one thing and do another. An example. I know that since they came into NP, they didnt really like Yong Kiong. I see that they don't really treat him with respect, the basic respect needed from person to person. Never was it "You can't do this cos...", but rather it was always "CANNOT!". My point is that if they dont respect him enough to explain why things cant be done a certain way, how then do they expect the juniors to accord him respect? Especially now that he's the Head of the NPCC Education Team. If they don't first help him and treat him nicely, how then will the juniors treat him if he was to give lectures? Treat each other with respect, and leave your personal feelings at the door when it comes to NP. Be "professional" and go about your tasks with cooperation and teamwork. We mentioned this before. All we (the Sec 4s) wish, is for the next batch to outshine us, and accomplish the feat which we came so close to accomplishing. Get UOPA Gold, and go down in NCHS history as the first NPCC NCO batch to lead the unit to the prestigious award. The potential is there for them to succeed, but whether or not they wanna live up to their potential, is another story altogether. I now give an open invitation for those Sec 3s who wanna talk more about this, to approach me either by SMS or MSN.

That's all I have to say for now. I hope my blog'll start to be revived. If anyone has any comments, feel free to approach me. For now, this is Dan, signing off.

Once in our lives, four years of our time.

2007-04-21T16:06:00.000+08:00

Hey to all. I would like to talk about NPCC. One request though. No tears are allowed. I hope I speak for the majority of Sec 4s when I say this...

The time has come. It's time to bid adieu to this beloved CCA. In the last four years, NPCC started from a pasttime CCA, to a life-long passion. It has become part and parcel of our lives. I often try and look back, and wonder if life would have been the same if I had not been in NPCC. The answer? Well, not being in NPCC would mean I saved all my Sec 1 Saturday mornings and Friday afternoons, but I'd have missed out on stuff like Sec 1 ALTC, ATC, Bolt Camp, Bolt Camp IPC, Leisure Camp and the two Malacca trips. Most importantly, I wouldnt have been part of this squad. Everyone knows how we feel about our squad. Join me now, as I take a look back over the highs and lows of the last four years.

I remember the first parade we had as fresh-faced Sec 1s. We were taken by this SGT, who taught us the basics, adding in some bits of humour so that we would remember his words. Then we were introduced to this woman, who was the total opposite, from first impression. As we got to know Maam J, we knew her as a person who NEVER mixed work and play. That first parade, we were taught the NPCC Pledge. How fitting is it, that we concluded our "working parades" with the recital of the NPCC Pledge during NP Day rehearsal on Thursday. SGT Shawn would be with us for a mere six months, but during that time was the tough-as-hell ALTC, our first ever camp. That camp bonded us together, for lack of a better word, as soulmates for life. We felt that we went through hell and back during the camp, but without that, things probably wouldnt be the same.

After that, in my eyes, we were suddenly introduced to another SGT. We got along well, and during the next year or so, the squad and him went through thick and thin. We had real fun times, but also real bad times as we were punished for talking bad about our seniors, and Maam J pumped herself on the hot quadrangle in disappointment about one person who complained, and made Chua-ge cry. All these experiences moulded us together, and we were not really ready for the outside world. What really opened our eyes, was the ATC of Sec 2. That year, we were forced to join Area 2 for ATC. Looking back, that was the beginning of our unity. Together, we were concerned for Junde when he managed to pitch a tent till he smashed his nose, bleeding until he had to be taken back to the mainland for medical treatment. Together, we were indignant when Junde got bullied by the Area 2 guys in his group, making him do almost everything. Together, we scolded Junde when he didnt mention to us about what happened to him until Maam J told us. Together, we laughed at how loud the Area 2 people would answer to orders but fail to do even half as good. That camp made me realise how nice the people in my squad are, and from then on, I began to treasure my squadmates.

At the end of Sec 2, we had an unforgettable Bolt Camp, mainly for the wrong reasons. But the squad stuck together and showed unity under fire. Together, we cursed when the campfire was cancelled and the plans were suddenly abandoned. Together, we rushed to try to help when Wati had an asthma attack after being forced to run around the quadrangle, and together we wished that we could have done that punishment with her. Together, we silently endured and openly cursed after the toughest endurance walk we had. That walk, was one of the things that drew us closer, as we encouraged each other on, carrying other people's bags and pushing them forward.

The beginning of our Sec 3 year, was a time where the true test of our squad's unity would be held. For almost half the year, our squad was ripped apart by parades such as SYF, NDP and the Campcraft Competition. But we held on, each remembering our memories together. There's a saying, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. How true, as we came back as a squad and exchanged tales. Following that, we had to start our NCO life, which was comparatively late as we only took over in around July. However, after the day that we formally took over, we had Area Games Day, where NCNP were crowned overall champions. Then came the formation of the Core Group, which was meant to spearhead the unit's thrust for UOPA Gold. I dunno if Core Group was a success, but I'm proud to have been a part of it.

Around after the Malacca trip at the end of last year, reality began sinking in that we had mere months left. Years turned into months, and months turned into weeks. We avoided broaching this subject, but we were all painfully aware of the impending exit that we would have to make. Slowly and steadily, we started talking to the Sec 3s, preparing them for NCO life. We stressed, that we just wished that they would outshine our batch, and that they would lead the unit to UOPA Gold. We hoped they would understand, and they would start becoming like NCOs. We never realised how much they've changed, until that day, when they wore their NCO T-shirt for the first time. Suddenly, they seemed to have grown up, ready for the challenge that lies ahead. They seemed to have grown taller and become more mature. I'll talk about their challenge in the future.

Life wouldnt have been the same without NP. As the song goes, "once in our lives, four years of our time". The past four years have been a blast. In the slightly modified words from Bad Boys II, " We laugh together, we cry together. Squadmates for life". Thank you, to those who've walked with me on this journey. Thank you, to those who paved the way before us. Thank you, for the memories. Thank you, for filling the void in my life for four years. Thank you, to my dear friends and squadmates. Thank you, for the different trials that moulded us together. Thank you, for the unity amid hardships. Thank you, for inculcating the belief,"One for all, all for one". Thank you.

A friend

2007-04-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hi there!Long time since I last posted. So here I am, back to revive my blog (hopefully).

Picture this. You have a friend. The two of you have been best friends for quite a long time. However, you keep taking him for granted and keep doing things to hurt him. Despite all this, he still forgives you whenever you screw up. Then one day, you do something really bad. So bad that you have to pay a heavy price. Without you even asking, this friend of yours takes the blame and pays the price for you.

Would you like such a friend?

I would.

Would you wonder what you deserved to have such a good friend?

I would.

Would you want to repay him in anyway possible?

I would.

Would you like to be introduced to such a person?

I would.

Interested? Contact me at MSN for further details. Or you can wait till I post a new post with further explanation.

ALTC 07

2007-03-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

Hey hey to one and all. My blog has been stagnating for quite a while so it's time to blog and make sure nobody gets too disappointed when they dont see updates.

Well, in a flash, my last camp has passed me by. ALTC 07 has given me many memories and feelings and I just wanna air my views. If anyone disagrees, well you know where to find me.

On the whole, I feel satisfied to have run the camp without major injuries and largely good weather. It's really God's grace that nothing bad happened and that He held back the weather. But deep down, I think I speak for almost all my committee members when I say that I didnt end the camp and leave the camp with very positive feelings about the future. I wanna use this opportunity to raise my views and opinions about the problems that we face on a squad by squad matter and if anyone's reading this, I just wanna say in advance that no offence is meant.

Sec 1 Squad

I told them this time and again. There's potential in them. I've personally been attached to their squad for much longer a period of time than the others, and I see glimpses of leadership and potential. That being said, everyone has potential, and it's up to the person to acheive it. Sadly, they're not living up to their potential. It's always disheartening to see people who choose not to acheive great things due to a mindset that is faulty. Even at this relatively early stage of their time in NP, I see people who have potential to be good future leaders of NCNP. I see people who are already cultivating the spirit of NP and the unity among them is slowly but surely starting to build. However, the flaws in their squad are so big and apparent that their good points are not being seen. I keep telling myself that they're young and have yet to learn the essence of being a squad, but still, the basics have yet to be seen for some. They have an uncanny ability to both endear themselves to people and also piss people off at the same time. In a way, I'm kinda impressed by their gutsy mentality of "shooting" whoever is wrong in their eyes. Herein lies the problem. We all think we're right, and it's only when we grow up mentally that we start to reflect on our actions. Their squad is made up of very unique and special individuals. Personally, I see alot of Squad 4 in them, minus the gutsy "shooting" mentality. Perhaps it is this that makes me partial to them and makes me wish and wanna see that they grow up into a squad that mirrors Squad 4 '07. Don't judge them too early and condemn them. We all know what problems that caused personally. Nurture them, and while I'd love to turn time back a year and do it personally, I cant. So here's my advice. Nurture them, teach them and love them, but most importantly, don't spoil them. There's a fine balance, and I believe it's going to take the most mature of people to be able to handle this squad.

Sec 2 Squad

I speak for most of my committee when I say that we have been impressed by some individuals in this squad. And personally, I really like it that this squad has grown up alot during this camp. I realise that while we keep insisting that their attitudes are not the best, it is still wise to reflect upon Squad 4 when we were in Sec 2. Back then our attitudes werent the best, and we pissed off our DIs to the extent that they cried. But never did they give up on us, and neither should we give up on them. This squad has had it relatively comfortable for a year, which is why they didnt have the right mentality at the start. To guide them back to the "real world", we have to take time to teach them at an interpersonal level. As seen from this camp, a mixture of hard and soft really can give them the chance to shine. I just hope that whoever takes over from Aaron and Meiqi can continue to give them opportunities to shine. While on paper this squad looks relatively lethargic, wonders can be worked. Deep inside this squad lies a sleeping catepillar in a cocoon. With the right mix, this squad will break out of their cocoon on their own and fly like beautiful butterflies. I understand that they have the ability to drive people nuts. The most patient people are capable of nurturing this squad to great heights. For they are at a junction, a make or break year for them. If they end this year with strong bonds and wonderful spirits, chances are that we will be able to see a great NCO batch 6.

Sec 3 Squad

I believe we have been sorely disappointed by their performance and attitude of most of them in this camp. Why? Cos we expected that they would be able to understand the impact of this camp. This camp was the last time we would see them as cadets instead of NCOs, and we went into this camp thinking that they would use this opportunity to shine. Instead, what happened was that we were given attitudes that really wasnt up to standard, save for a few. The usual suspects did well, but the others whom I expected to step up and impress us fell far short of that. In fact, on a whole their performance became so worrying that we now worry what will happen to NCNP after 6weeks. I hope this is a one-off case of sudden low morale or whatever it is that's causing this. I think we wanna pass out with peace of mind that the unit's in good hands. Right now, that seems far from the truth. Last year around this time, I was where they were. I was sick and tired of listening to my seniors preach about how they wanna leave without worries and how worried they were about the future of NCNP. Now, I fully understand why. For Squad 4 had its troubles and gave nobody but ourselves any indication that we were ready for the challenge. Now, the gauntlet is about to be passed to the Sec 3s. It's time to step up to the plate and lead. Now is the chance for them to lead and guide NCNP to better heights. I believe they can do it. But the question remains. Do they wanna?

All in all, that's all I have to say for now. I'll be back soon. Till then, this is Dan signing off.

ATF!

2007-03-04T12:51:00.000+08:00

Hey all!I'm back...with most of my problems settled and the common test over, all that remains is the moment of truth. I'm talking about the release of the results. Having weathered what I believe is the most trying period in my life, I'd just like to say thanks to those who stood by me (you know who you are) and those who attempted to cheer me up but failed cos you people didnt know what in the blue hell was going on. Right now, I'm just gonna give my reflections on the past few weeks.

Firstly, is that problem. I'm glad it's been settled. Or at least I think it has been. The problem is that I dunno what to think anymore when it comes to this. Whenever I think I've a clear and easy decision or conclusion, something somehow screws up. Well, I hope this really is the end of the problems. But I realize intentions have been misunderstood and misinterpreted. That's the whole freaking problem when people try to act as a go-between instead of a listener cum adviser. I'm not ranting at anyone and no one should take this the wrong way, but really. Assumptions can really lead to big disasters man. I mean, you can choose to do whatever you want, and I understand that people are just looking out for their friends and out of goodwill, but the point is, before we do that, shouldnt we at least make sure everything has been interpreted in the right way? I wont elaborate much but if anyone wants to know why I feel this way, just leave a tag or something like that.

Secondly, was the wonderful trip I had to Pulau Ubin yesterday. 21 of us went for ATF and I will never ever regret signing up for it, even though I doubted my ability to succeed at the tasks at first. ATF brought back memories of OBS. Remember Double Dangle Dual? Well I succeeded in climbing to the top! I was genuinely proud of myself and that I managed to conquer the thing that made me look like a fool during OBS. I completed 4 activities, and each one brought with it different feelings. The common denominator, however was satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

Double Dangle Dual made me realise how we can fail at the first attempt, forget about that failure, and try again. OBS people will know what I'm saying cos I really really sucked at it during OBS. But somehow, by God's grace, Wei Siang and I volunteered to go first this time, and got to the top. Although he had some difficulty in helping me up and half the time I imitated a koala bear, it was a really enriching experience and I'm glad that I could share in the accomplishment with him.

The next thing I did was the flying fox. I was apprehensive about it cos I heard it's the longest and highest in Singapore. As I made my way up the tower, different thoughts ran through my mind. I wondered how I would be able to lift myself off the tower cos we were supposed to sit on the edge of the tower and once we were ready, we had to lift ourselves off. Now it's easy to lift yourself off a bed, cos your feet can touch the ground but if your feet are dangling 6 1/2 storeys in the air, it's a different idea altogether. Anyway, I looked down. Strangely, I only felt a tinge of uneasiness. But when I looked forward, I realised from that position, I could see the sea. I could see part of Singapore's main island. I could see the still rising sun. And at that moment, all fear left me. I was amazed by the wondrous scenery around me. And together with Meiqi, we counted together and lifted ourselves of the tower. For fleeting moments, I had the feeling of soaring in the sky. I finally what it means to "sprout wings and soar like an eagle flying high". The view was one that I'll never forget and impressed on me the beauty of creation. The official length of the flying fox was 21.7metres, but it felt like a lot lesser. For within a matter of seconds, it was all over.

After that, I went to do the Advanced Rope Course. It was 9m high and 15m between each station, but it sure as hell seemed higher and longer. With trouble, I crossed the first station which was the usual walking on cables with a guiding rope. The difference from OBS was that the stations all had ladders to aid us when we slip from the cables. All I had to do was to shout "LADDER!!" and someone would push it towards me. That made it easier to get past the first station. Following that was a station in which I had to sit on a platform and push myself across to the next station with a rope as my help. The last station was a killer. I had to stand on a skateboard which was mounted on two cables and slide across using ropes to help me. Had the pulley under the skateboard not been that well oiled, it would have been an easier task. I lost count of the number of times I had lost my balance due to the too fast movement of the skateboard. The thought of giving up did occur to me, but I was like "HELL NO, I didnt get abrasions and sunburns to give up when I'm this close." Having said that, I was fed up with the whole skateboard idea and after a while I just walked on the cables with the ladder to support me. Much easier. When I finally completed the course, the instructors mentioned that I was the first to complete the course after lunch. Not bad eh. I realise how being high up and having little or no support can cause one to panic and give up, but help is always round the corner. Likewise, people in high positions may not have adequate support and that causes major burnouts and such.

The fourth thing was the tunneling activity. We had to negotiate a tunnel which was pitch dark with bare hands. It didnt help that people outside were shouting wrong instructions like turn right cos when we did, our helmets crashed against solid metal walls. Ouch. We went in groups of 5. My group was Junde, Aaron, Hwee Siang and Wei Siang. In that order respectively, with me in the middle. A classic moment occured as we had to climb up on a slope with no solid ground underneath our feet as it was filled with rubber or plastic balls. We managed to climb from the bally part to the slope. Then Junde asked Aaron to support him up. Aaron pushed his big ass up, and Junde accidentally kicked Aaron in the face. Aaron lost stability and started sliding down. Cos I happened to be lying on Aaron's leg, I also started sliding down. My ass crashed into Hwee Siang's face. End of classic moment. When we got out, we recounted what happened to the others. Reactions varied between disgust and total laughter. Not much learned from this, but I realise how one person's moment of unintended action can lead to major consequences. Needless to say, we all blamed Junde.

This trip to Ubin was fun and enriching in so many different ways. I learned things and accomplished many others. It's something I'm gonna take with me for the rest of my life. For it's not everyday I get a second chance to succeed at what I screwed up (Double Dangle Dual). It's not everyday that I get to slide 21.7m in the air. It's not everyday that I get to persevere and try to succeed at things which seem unaccomplishable. It's also not everyday that I get to plant my ass into someone else's face. I realise how lucky and blessed I am to be able to go for ATF. Through all the fun, and pain that will come when my skin starts peeling and my muscle aches, I've learnt things which have to be experienced first-hand. Sometimes life takes us by the hand and leads us to places where we have never been before. Sometimes God tells us things in many small and different ways. And I'm happy and honoured to have shared in this experience with my beloved Squad 4.

In a blink of an eye, March has arrived. Three months ago, I stood on the threshold of what I believe is gonna be the most trying year of my life so far. Now, as the Os draw nearer and nearer, I hope that I can cherish the time left. I hope that I'll leave this school with happy memories and not under a cloud of unhappiness and misery like I left my previous school. I sometimes wonder, if the people that I see everyday has any idea how much of an impact they made on my life. And it is my prayer, that I have been able to have as much of an impact on them, that they have had on me.

I realise that this post might attract many comments and tags. But you're always welcome to do so. For now, this is Dan signing off.

Police and thief at airport

2007-02-11T12:18:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I'm here mainly to recount the funny thing that happened yesterday to me. After my extended birthday lunch treat, I left NYY, Des, Charles and Wei Siang around 4.15pm.

~Part 1-- The Introduction~
I made my way to the airport to pick up Jeremy who came back from Guangzhou. I was listening to my iPod, along the way I was feeling darned thirsty. So when I reached Changi, the first thing I wanted to do was to get something from Starbucks. As I walked across Terminal 2, I heard someone shouting my name, like "DANIEL KENG!!!". So I pretended not to hear and continued walking. I realised that they were following behind me. As Jeremy's flight was delayed, I realised that I needed some form of entertainment. So I took them on a cat-and-mouse chase. I walked towards the toilet, and switched off my iPod to hear what they were saying, if anything. As I walked into the toilet, I heard them laughing and saying something like " He really went in!!!"

~ Part 2 -- The Toilet Scene~

They thought they cornered me. As they had a guy friend with them, he was asked to go into the toilet. I made certain that he saw me. When he left the toilet, I locked myself in the cubicle. I could hear them going, "What's taking him so long". I wore my jacket over my shirt and took off my glasses. With hands in my pockets and head held down I walked out of the toilet, while ensuring I had a good look at the people following me. Schoolmates. ( Their names will be withheld). They didnt notice me at all, so I walked across the airport to another toilet and changed back again. I walked out, went up the nearest escalator, with a stroke of luck found the Starbucks, bought something and went down again.

~ Part 3 -- Turning the Tables~

As I went down the escalator, I saw them walking away from the toilet. I decided it was my turn to follow them. They walked across the airport. I soon lost interest and went back to the belt to wait for Jeremy. This was 5.30pm. At 5.45, I still didnt see a SINGLE piece of baggage coming outta the belt.

~ Part 4 -- The Photo Opportunity~

I saw them searching for something. Or someone. When they saw me I was just 5metres away from them. Couldnt resist laughing a little. So near yet so far eh. I went to a chair to sit down. One of the girls took out a digital camera and pointed it towards me. Like I couldnt figure out what she wanted to do. As she was about to get a clear shot, I made an obvious glance in their direction, thus forcing her to shift the camera away from me. She then asked her guy friend to stand in front of them, like they were taking pictures of him. (with me in the background.RIGHT.) Obviously to get a clear shot of me he had to move away, so when he did, I bent down to "tie" my shoelace. I could hear them going "WALAU". This gave me such satisfaction. After that I walked in front till there was only the glass barricade in front of me. From the reflection I could see them getting super frustrated until they finally left. Dunno if they got a back pic of me, but they dont count.

~ Part 5 -- The Conclusion ~

I believe there are a few things to be learnt from this.
1) Don't make your intentions too obvious when you're following someone.
2) Don't talk too loudly while following someone.
3) When outside the toilet and following someone, pay attention to every bugger coming out.
4) Don't be a cam whore when following someone. (Esp when you're not a professional PI)
5) Don't assume that just cos someone has iPod earphones in their ears, that their iPod's on for real.
6) Grow some brains.
7) Don't use a digital camera, use a normal camera. That way people can demand for the film.
8) Apply science knowledge. Glass can reflect things well.

All in all, I'd like to once again thank everyone that wished me a happy birthday. I'm NC16 at last! So for now, it's Dan, the supersleuth in the making, signing off.

2007-02-03T17:27:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I would like to use this opportunity to address something which we all value. Also, recently a couple of my friends have been affected by different issues and as a result feel lost and "depressed". So I just wanna delve into the meaning of friendship.

The following poem rings ever true for me.

A Friend That's Always There

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you
And share with you it's beauty on the days you're feeling blue
If I could build a mountain you could call your very own
A place to find serenity A place to be alone...........
If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea
But all these things I'm finding are impossible for me
I cannot build a mountain or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best.
A friend that's always there.

So what really is friendship. True friends are the people who walk into your life and never leave when the world does. They are a watch which beats true for all time, and never "runs down." Friends consider our need over our deserving. People often say that love is blind. Blind to the faults of others. Friendships just try not to notice. They are the constant reminder of who we are and what we are.

Friends don't allow each other to compromise beliefs and interests. Friendships are based on one single fact. Trust. Trust is like the engine to the car that is friendships. Every little hello, every little smile, every helping hand saves a hurting heart. There's a miracle called "Friendship" that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it happens or when it gets started but, you know the special lift it always brings and you realize that Friendship is God's most precious gift! Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to us. Which is why sometimes you love a best friend more than a boyfriend.

This is the true miracle of friends. Friends that stick together no matter what. Quarrels occur but results in an even tighter bond. This kind of friends must be cherished. For friendship is a 2 way thing. You can't expect people to constantly care for you. You must care for them too.

All these are my true feelings. Please leave a tag if you've anything to add. This is Dan signing off for now. Also, all are welcome to contribute ideas for Part 3 of Life After NP. Only logical ones will be entertained.

2007-01-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I would just like to get one thing off my chest and rant about it. I realised that my article, written about my squad, was not approved cos they deemed my article to be shooting the CIs. A myriad of emotions flow through my head at this point, and I'll do well to have a civil thought in my head about this matter when I get to the end of this post.

Firstly, who the hell do you think you are? No one in hell rejects my article. I'm sorry if this comes across as me being haolian, but I take a huge amount of pride in my work. When my article gets rejected, normally I feel a little disappointed but to get my work rejected cos two high-and-mighty ASSHOLES feel I'm trying to use that opportunity to shoot the CIs, is a damn bitter pill to swallow. You want me to redo my article. To omit any part that is unfavourable in your eyes. Here's my answer. HELL NO. I don't care who the hell you think you are. You can demote me. You can take my CCA points away. I don't care. I'm not changing ANY part of my article just cos you think it casts a bad light onto others. Namely yourself. I don't care if you're reading this. You can confront me, but I won't back down. If you are reading this, it's either you close this screen NOW, to save your pride and face, or you read on.

If you had the guts to tell me to my face to redo my article, I'd have asked you to shove it. I don't care about the ramnifications of this, I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. So am I. I write down what I've observed. I don't distort the truth in my writing. Not when it comes to such stuff. If you have the guts to tell me what I write aint true, I'll show you a bad liar. To want to put on false fronts is just like a fake Van Gogh painting. Yeah it looks nice, but is it REAL? The answer is no. No matter how much one tries to hide the truths, there'll come a day when everything done in the dark will come to light. If you don't want people to bring up the ugly side of things, then there shouldnt have been an ugly side to start with. You reap what you sow. Don't get me wrong. This aint a case of a dog biting the hand that feeds it, but it's a case of comeuppance.

No matter how hard you try to suppress the truth, I'll guarantee that it'll come back to bite you in the ass. Painting a false picture of harmony and "all's well" is equal to being a hypocrite. This is not a show. You cant rewrite history at a whim. Don't force my hand into writing or changing anything that I believe it. Cos I wont do it. No one tells me to compromise my principles and my beliefs. You can do all you want to force my hand. But I'll NEVER rewrite my article. If you want things to turn ugly, two can play at that game.

Don't censor out stuff that you feel is unacceptable just cos you don't feel the same way. We're living in a democratic society. There is NO restriction when it comes to freedom of speech. If you think you have the right to do so just cos you have the higher rank, well then Saddam is in Heaven right now. Don't be a hypocrite. You disgust me. Rank doesnt mean shit. It's a piece of cloth I can buy for 2bucks.

If you insist on me changing anything, I'd rather you not publish it. I won't bend my principles just cos you deem fit. I stand up for what I believe in. I write what I observe. You have the right to force me to do things, but there's a limit to what you can do. Force my hand, and I'll make sure by the time I'm through with you, you'll never show your face in NCHS AGAIN. I wont back down from this. I'll never change my article. I'll never rewrite it. This kind of people who make life difficult just cos it'll be easy to watch people squirm and die, just totally disgusts me. You preach about democracy and having a good leadership style. Well frankly yours is like Stalin and Hitler combined. The communist belief is to always give a good picture even when things are not good. Hitler's style is totally dictatorial, always wanting his way.

All these are just my opinions. I don't care what consequences I might suffer. I'll gain much more from standing up for what I believe in. This is Dan signing off.

P.S Food for thought. Hitler had only one testicle.

2007-01-07T20:49:00.000+08:00

Hey all. For now, 2007 has gotten off to a pretty mundane start. Everyday's kinda filled with the same stuff. School, homework, teachers, tuition blablabla. Anyway, I just wanna talk about NP for now. I wanna address the issues that for a long while, I've been avoiding or pushing to the back of my mind.

Firstly, is the POP. I know this will strike a raw nerve with those NP squadmates reading this. Let's not hide from it. Let's face up to the facts. Pretty soon, we'll be passing out and our four year tenure in NPCC will come to a end for most of us. Everyone's feeling sad and downcast about that. I am too. But should we just focus on the bleakness of that scenario? Or should we look back with pride and happiness at the last four years? I believe that I speak for all of us when I say that the last four years has been a blast and that it damn sure isn't a waste of time. But there must be an end to all good things, likewise our time together. I cannot state the importance of all of you in my life, and I hope you guys had a great time while our lives intertwined for this four short but sweet years. All of you have made a big impact in my life.

Secondly, I would like to give my thoughts on the upcoming staff sergeant promotion test. J Quek's MSN nick goes something like this. "jt says mr tien says ssgt promotion test 'll be held before end of jan". I realize that my chances of promotion are next to none. I look around me, and my fellow sergeants are mostly on par with me in drills and theory stuff, but I know I'll lose out big time when it comes to campcraft. I know my campcraft, from Sec 1 till now, is horrible, terrible and incorrigible. I have to be realistic, for its high time I woke up from my dreamland. I'm not of a good enough standard to be promoted.

Once upon a time, I thought I was better than the rest. I thought I was the best. I didnt think too highly of my squadmates. Now, being around them for close to four years, I have to eat my thoughts. I recognize that they are much better. I know I've lost out to the best, both in character and in practicality. I'll never have the hands-on skills that they have. It took me long enough to know that, but gone is the superior complex and the jealousy and the egoism.

Furthermore, my previous haughtiness and lack of respect for my squadmates have not given the CIs the best impression of me. I know many still outwardly praise me but inwardly think I'm a no good asshole. Also, this promotion is a big one. Therefore, Maam J will have to discuss with the TOs and other CIs who to promote. With some of my squadmates going to get backing from HO Derrick, I know my chances are less than 10% to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being negative, I'm just being practical.

Gone are the days in which I'll be over-confident or kid myself that I'm that damn good. I know I'm not. I'm over that. Yes, I want to get promoted. I'd love to. But I've said this many a time. It hurts to wanna do so much and wanna accomplish so much, but not having the chances to do so. Having said that, there are many obstacles to overcome. I know that. But this is my pledge. I'll try my very best, put in my utmost dedication to NP no matter what. After that, what happens happens. For no one can close the doors that God opens. And only He knows the plans He has in store for me. Plans that wont harm me, but prosper me. I'll put my faith in that. No matter what, I wont bear any grudges or feel jealous about anything. If I lose out in getting that promotion, then I'll take heart in the fact that I'm losing out the very best people.

Anyway, getting promoted means the shortlist for SI/CI rank is getting shorter. I told myself a long time ago, when I saw the type of people who got that rank. I told myself I'd forbid myself from getting that rank if it'll give me such pride and cockiness (I'm leaving Maam J and HO Derrick outta this). I was disappointed in the type of people that got the rank. For almost all who got the rank got it through endless bootlicking and in my impression, have never deserved the rank. In the immortal words of Maam J,"Rank is what you get. Respect is what you earn".My sentiments exactly. I would much rather earn the respect as a sergeant than become a CI that nobody looks up to outside of NP. At the end of my tenure in NP, I wanna leave with my head held high, able to tell myself that I have not compromised on my principles and character for personal gain. I wanna leave with my integrity and dignity intact. For at the end of all this, all that's reflected of NP is gonna be a rank and a CCA grade. But what becomes of my dignity and integrity, lasts forever.

Promotion is something I WANT. It isnt something I NEED. There's a difference. So if I get it, I'll be happy but I wont become filled with pride. But if don't, I wont eat my heart out. There are many other things in the world that's worth really striving for. This isnt one of them.

I know this post'll probably get loadsa opinions. But one thing is true. I speak from the bottom of my heart. You guys can post all the opinions, but nothing's gonna change mine. Till the next time, this is Dan signing off.

reflections of 2006

2007-01-01T10:27:00.000+08:00

Hey all. First up, would just like to wish one and all a Blessed New Year. I hope those reading will go with me down this memory lane and reflect on what has been in the past year.

The year of 2006 will forever be remembered by me as a breakthrough year in many ways. It's the year I found my passion for NP, the year I first dedicated time to serve in an area, the year I grew up the most spiritually. Firstly, the more mundane stuff.

I would like to thank my beloved squad 4 for igniting my passion for NP. I remember that at the end of 2005, I was feeling disillusioned and unhappy at the people I found in NP, the type of people who were allowed to be in authoritative positions but displayed sucky attitude since forever. I was wondering why these people would get a chance to have a major say in NP instead of others who had a much better attitude, who would then influence others to change their attitude as well. I cant say I got my answer, but as time passed I gained something much more valuable, true friendship. Through all my happiest times in NP, all my super lows, all my discouragement, there was one common denominator thru all of that. My squadmates, in one way or another, was always there. And as the months passed us by, we slowly took over NCO posts. It was then we pledged that no matter what, rank wouldnt divide us. It was then we pledged our friendship and dedication to one another. I started drawing strength not from myself, but from the unity of the squad. For the first time I saw what friendship truly should be like. The self-sacrifices, the selflessness, the utter togetherness. Once again I reiterate my belief. Through good times and bad, through bitterness and strife, through joys and sorrows, through trials and tribulations, we will be friends forever.

2006 was also the year I met many people. I got to know my juniors better (no joke about "z" allowed!), met new teachers, met new friends in church thru camp comm and junior camp, and really, the year just would not have been the same without them. I hope I also made a significant impact in their lives like they have made one in mine. Oh and also my OBS peeps! Haha nearly forgot. I thank you for walking with me in the past year. All of you have made life bearable just by walking with me.

2006 was the year I stepped out more. I started talking more, and stepping outta my comfort zone to go for OBS and to serve in camp comm really helped me grow as a person. But along with the talking more came a brash and cocksure attitude. It wasnt apparent at first but as the months passed us by, I became more of a "suaner" than an encourager. I became a person who was a major asshole in school but a nice guy at home, behind the com and thru sms. That was super hypocritical. Many a time I wanted to put a stop to it, be a nice guy throughout the day in whatever I did, but actions speak louder than words. It's really one thing I regret totally. My sucky attitude, all cos I didnt wanna let people trample on my head, but I forgot a basic logic. Treat people the way you want them to treat you. For those whom I have hurt in one way or another with my words, actions or thoughtlessness, I seek your forgiveness. At any point in the coming year, use this to remind me whenever I step outta line again. I wanna experience humility and phase out the hypocrisy from my life. So once again, I'm sorry to those I've unwittingly hurt with my cutting remarks and cursing and thoughtless actions. Help me to be a better person. Thank you.

In the UK, the Queen gives out New Year Honours. I wanna do it too, for I wanna spell out some people who have meant alot to me and been an integral part of the last year. Firstly, sorry to those whose names I've missed out. I hope these people realize how much they mean to me.

Best person to debate with -- Jun Ting
Mentor -- Kai Feng
Best bunch of friends -- Squad 4
Best "suanee" -- Jsister-Jin-Jlaw
Greatest cousin -- Stan
Best reality tv companion -- Kar Liang
Best girl-friend -- Baba
Nicest boss -- Cai Ying
Cutest guy -- Thaddeus
Best brother -- John abruzzi
Most meaningful,un cliche MSN convos -- Mei Ching
Best block of wood -- Hwee Siang
Best CGL --Mich Tia
Best church buddy -- Jeremy
The people I crapped with throughout the year -- Jun De, Aaron, NYY, Larry, Joe
Best bomb -- Sam Chan
Nicest guy -- Clement Sim (CFC rawks. Haha)
Evangelist of the year -- Meiqi, Huiting
Best "suaner" -- Des, Ken
Best maam -- Jocelyn maam
Best aunt-tea -- Jsister-Jin-Jlaw
Best jie -- VK
Most confused person -- Jocelyn Q, Wei Siang
Craziest gal pal -- Mei Ching (you deserve this cos you're the only person I know so crazy over Dean Geyer *free advert*.)
Most photogenic -- Clement Sim (by request of Ms Foong)
Best baker -- Mei Ching
Most ups-and-downs-but-still-great-friend -- Baba (NO MORE 98.7!!)
Nicest lau ah pek -- Jun Ting
Best encouragers -- Squad 4
Coolest bunch of peeps -- Squad 4
Best lover of a piece o' wood -- Jocelyn
Best ALAF kia -- Wei Han
Best Man U fan --Wei Han, Joe, Dan (That's right I'm giving myself an award.)
Nicest African -- Wei Han

And that's about all. Sorry to those whom I've missed out. Once again, have a blessed and God-filled new year 2007!This is Dan signing off.

2006-12-26T10:59:00.000+08:00

Hey all. To continue on the recurring theme of Christianity, I would like to branch out further. I have written about Why Jesus, but now I wanna talk about Why Christianity. Believe me, there are totally very good and substantial truths to it.

The modern and social description of the church, I believe, is that we are a global enterprise, having outlets in nearly every country of the world. We run orphanages, homeless shelters, hospices, hospitals, reconciliation work, justice work, basically, we look after people from birth to death and specialize in the area of behavioural alteration. Sounds cheem right? Haha. I'll explain further later. So next time when someone asks you what you do for a living, and you work in a church, that's a cheeky way of telling people what you do. It sounds better than saying you're an evangelist or pastor cos that puts people off at times.

If we are part of Christ, then we really are part of a global enterprise called the church. Not just global, but intergalatic as well cos it includes everyone that has gone before us, and that's quite a thought to have innit? Often, people from outside the church gets an impression like a rugby huddle when everyone squeezes together and you know something is happening but all we get to see are backsides. And often, there's a little bit of confusion as to what Christianity is all about. So what is Christianity? Why should people be Christians? I would just like to take this opportunity to give the answers to the questions. Now if you are already a Christian and you're reading this post, I hope that it will re-affirm your faith and equip you in a way so that you can explain to people what Christianity is all about. Cos many people have a misunderstanding about Christianity.

So here's my first reason as to why Christianity. Christianity is TRUE. That's a pretty good reason. Many people have this idea that Christians don't think cos Christians don't think like they think. But we do. See, if we only believe in things that we can explain and understand, let me pose an example. If you are studying agriculture and refuse to believe in God and Christianity cos you don't understand, then tell me this. How is it possible for a black cow to eat green grass and produce white milk? Exactly my point. There is no explanation for such stuff. There are alot of things in life which we don't fully understand. And it's only when we humble ourselves that we begin to understand. We can't just demand that God first satisfies our questions before we believe in Him. There can be two different kinds of understandings of the word "God". And there are too many people today that are asking the wrong questions. So if we are asking the wrong questions to begin with, how can we expect to get the right answer? The question that we should be asking is this: Has God spoken? And the answer is an emphatic yes. God spoke in creation. God has spoken throughout history. But God's greatest revelation of Himself, for all people and cultures and times, was in Jesus Christ.

So how do we know that Jesus is the One? The Bible has two testaments in it, the Old Testament and the New Testament. The Old Testament begins with a book called Genesis and ends with a book called Malachi. The New Testament starts with a book called Matthew and ends with a book called Revelation. In the Old Testament of the Bible, there are 322 messianic prophecies about the arrival of God on the Earth and what He's going to do. Do you realise what the mathematical probability of one person in one moment in time fulfilling ALL 322 prophecies? It's 1 over 84 with a HUNDRED zeros behind the 84. In other words, it doesnt happen everyday! This is a rare occurance. But Jesus did exactly just that. Therefore, Christianity is TRUE. But Christianity is not just based on the fact that Jesus fulfilled all 322 prophecies. It's not just based on His life and His teachings, not based on what He did for us. It's based on the fact that Jesus died and rose from the dead. His resurrection from the dead, authenticates everything that He said and everything that He did.

That reason alone should be enough to convince people to follow Christ. But I'm not gonna stop there. There are at least two major other reasons. Here's my second reason. The reason why I'm a Christian, is cos Jesus Christ is AMAZING. You might be feeling that you're just one person among millions and billions of other people around the world, but the moment we reach out to God, He is so willing to experience you and have fellowship with you. He wants to get connected to you. He is so amazing. Jesus spent 3 years articulating who he was in different ways to different people so that they could understand. He is the Bread of Life to the bakers, He is the True Vine so that gardeners could understand. He is the Good Shepherd so that the farmers could understand. He is the Door, so that carpenters can understand. He is the Foundation Stone, so that architects could understand. He is the Living Water so that plumbers can understand. He is the Alpha and Omega so that scientists could understand. He is the Word so that actors can understand. He is the Light of the World so that electricians can understand. He is the Way so that traffic wardens can understand. He is the Truth so that politicians can understand. He is the Great Physician, so that doctors can understand. He is the One. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. And's that is just amazing.

So I'm a Christian cos it's true, and Jesus is amazing and astonishing. And that's why we should all be Christians. But let me give you guys another reason. It's because I am a broken person. I have not met anyone who isnt a broken person. There are problems in the world today. We all agree with that. And there are many people and agencies that are endeavouring to alleviate the symptoms. But the big question is, what causes the symptoms? Cos if we are only dealing with the symptoms, we will always have the symptoms. What we have got to do is deal with the root cause. So what is the root cause? The heart of the human problem is the problem of the human heart. Sounds contradicting? Read on. We've all got a heart problem. It's a heart dis-ease. The word to describe it in the Bible is SIN. If we dont have the proper diagnosis, how then can we have the proper remedy and solution? It's cos of our hearts that is the root cause of all our problems. Everything we do here on Earth, everything we said, everything we ever thought will be judged at the end of time when Jesus comes again. I do not need convincing that I have thought, said and done things that arent right. But what if along with that comes the things that we COULD have said or done or thought but we chose not to? We are not just judged by the sins that we commit but also the sins of omission. All that stuff has consequences. Lots of people dont believe that. They believe that whatever you do doesnt matter. But it does. It disconnects us with God. It works like a person in debt. If you are in debt and I am in debt, what we need is a person in credit to help us. If our greatest need was money, God would have sent us an economist. If our greatest need was technology, God would have sent us a scientist. If our greatest need was pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer. But our greatest need was forgiveness. And that is why God sent us a SAVIOUR. Jesus Christ came into this world cos he was the only one in credit. That's why Jesus came to do something for us. He died on the cross, and by doing that, it was as if He was cashing in a cheque signed in His blood to erase our debts.

Most people look at the sign of the cross as jewellery. But what we have to remember is this. Jesus didnt wear it on His neck. He wore it on His back. Big difference. Jesus Christ came into this world because we are broken people. He came to fix us. And the way to fix us was to die on the cross, to offer us the cheque to clear our debts. It wont be always smooth sailing to be a Christian. At times, it will be a struggle. But you will always be conscious of the Son of God shining on us. The reason I'm a Christian, is cos it's true and that He is amazing, and that I am a broken person and the only person who can fix me, is Jesus. Jesus Christ offers us forgiveness from the past and new life from TODAY. When we connect with Jesus the Truth, His spirit comes into our hearts and enables us to be a child of God. His spirit works in our lives to transform us, to help us and to alleviate our faith in our thoughts, works and deeds. And we also have a hope for the future. In a world where there is so much hopelessness, we can have hope from Jesus.

The thing about being a follower of Jesus, is that we can have the utter confidence that we have a hope for the future. Our lives are just a small speck on the eternal screen. We have to live our lives in the light of eternity. If we are a followers of Christ, we know all of the above. And if we are Christians, we have a responsibility to visually and verbally communicate this truth to other people. It's time for Christians to communicate the truth to the world visually and verbally, to pass on the good news in a world which is so full of bad news. So I believe that all Christians, Catholics or Methodists, should do something in sharing the good news with the people around us. It is a responsibility of ours. And we shouldnt focus of what we cant do, but rather the things which we can do. We can make a difference to those around us in whatever environment we have.

That is the truth. Jesus is the truth. And once we have Him as our personal Lord and Saviour, we will have our debts cleared, get new life today and a fresh hope for the future. That is the reality of Christianity. So the question is, have we spread the word? Have we acted like Christians in the secular world? Only we know the answer deep down.

2006-12-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hey again people. Now that I just covered the idea of Why Jesus, here's the next step we are to take as Christians.

Now that we are sure why we choose Jesus, we should now unite as Christians together for a common purpose. We should serve as God's sparks to ignite other pre-believing friends interest in Christianity. How do we do that? We must first know what it truly means to be united in Christ. To be united means that we must have a common goal and passion, a desire to see the people around us be united in the same one faith, one body and one heart which beats for the Lord our God. It means that we are to burn for Him. Though we are all small sparks, but the littlest of sparks can start the biggest fires. We are to be the matches, or sparks which when gathered together, is able to sustain a huge flame. This huge flame can then serve as a light for others who are in the dark or have lost their way and stumbled. In Ephesians 4:12-13, it is written " We are to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." How appropriate. That's our calling and it's up to us to reach the unreached.

In the same way that we hunger for His word, we must aim to pass on that hunger to others. We must light a fire in them that stirs up an increasing appetite for Jesus. So now that we realise our purposem and know what it means to be united in Christ, how about being ignited in Christ? What does it mean to be ignited? To be ignited in something, the literal meaning is to catch fire, but what it means here is to arouse an interest. So what ignites us? Some of us are ignited by LAN games, others by movies and cars. Some are ignited when we don't get what we want, by unfavourable circumstances, by unfriendliness and even by aloof parents. But to be ignited in Christ, it means that our hearts must be influenced and inflamed by God with a burning desire to fulfill His purposes in our lives. That's right. By God's purposes in our lives. What is God calling us to do today? Sometimes we can hear Him and know what He wants of us, but we just choose to block it out cos we dont wanna do it. Also, we are to be ignited by the needs of the people around us. Be sensitive to God and those around us.

Now that we have a inherent desire to fulfill the plans that God has for us, what next? Now, we must recognize that God's work is a spiritual work. Jude 1:21-23 says "Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt, snatch others from the fire and save them, to others show mercy and fear". Also in 1 Peter 5:8, it is written "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" Indeed we must always remain steadfast in the Lord, so as to keep the devil away. And we must help others who have yet to know about God in this particular way as well.

Here's a question many want answered. How real is the supernatural? There are demons and angels and evil spirits, but they are all overruled by us, with the power of Christ. For in Christ, we can do anything and everything. The baptism of the Holy Spirit is an experience where the believer is supernaturally filled with the Holy Spirit which results in greater enthusiasm and power in the devotional and ministry life of the believer. This experience is like the best drug. It gets you very high spiritually, and yet has no adverse side effects. So then how do we attain it? We must first actively seek it in earnest. We must want it with our whole heart before we will receive. And we cant just expect it to happen but we must ask God to rest His presence upon us. "Seek and it will be given unto you" (Romans 12:2). We must also remember that it doesnt always happen instanteneously. It can happen when we least expect it, but if our hearts are ready, God will give it to us. The first recorded baptism of the Holy Spirit was during the day of Pentecost when the apostles received foreign tongues and preached in tongues. On that day, the church grew by 5000people. But it didnt happen instanteneously. It was said that the disciples waited for a few days before the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples.

In closing, I have this to state. We have experienced the joy that comes with salvation and the undescribable joy and peace that comes with it. But there are many others who have yet to experience that. In all good things, we should share. So, again, it's up to us to spread His word to our Judea, Jerusalem and Samaria. That is our calling. So are we willing to unite and ignite?

2006-12-21T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hey to all. I realise that some reading my blog are non-Christian, but even so, feel free to drop a tag or comment if you don't understand or don't approve of anything I've written.

Anyway, I'm here to follow up on the last post. I wanna use this post to jot down the key ideas I took away from the camp. The theme of the Senior Camp was "Why Jesus?" and I believe it is a very appropriate theme. Really. Some of us follow the Lord cos our parents are Christian, some cos they wanna have an alternative to Buddhism or whatever else, but have we truly ever wondered Why Jesus? Why Him instead of Siddharta Gautama or Allah?

The reasons are simple and basic. There are 3 major reasons for choosing Jesus over anything and everything else. Firstly, it is ONLY in Him that we find our true identity, that we are the Children of God. One thing the Devil excels in is to confuse us of who we really are. And when he does that, we tend to lose our identity in Christ. John 1:12-13 says " To all who received Him, He gave the right to become Children of God - children not born of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's wife, but born of God." And that's who we really are. We can't live on our parents' faith. That would be hypocritical, but instead, we have to each make a personal request for God to enter our lives. He gave us a choice. We were never forced to follow Him. Cos what God wants is a faithful heart. God wants us to follow Him of our own accord. We must realise that Jesus is the Doorway to the Kingdom of Heaven, and that He is the Son of God, who walked the earth to die for us and to redeem our sins. So, if God is our Father, then we must be His children. We must be Princes and Princesses for He is called King. We have authority over sin and death in Christ Jesus. Cos when Jesus died and rose from the dead, He overruled sin and death so that as long as we believe in Him, such things can no longer harm us anymore. So what does it mean to be a child of God? It means that we now have direct access to God. We can confide our troubles in Him. He already knows what we are going through, but what He wants is for us to tell Him of our own accord. When Jesus died, the temple curtains were torn from top to bottom, signifying that we can have direct access to God. Make no mistake, He created man to have fellowship with Him and it is a privilege to be one in Christ.

The 2nd reason is cos in Jesus, we find our true security. For in our daily lives, we hide behind covers and masks to help us feel secure. If we have the ability to think quickly, we hide behind a sharp tongue, but true security can only come from true love. The kind of love which never fails and is unconditional. AGAPE love. And there's only one source of that. Jesus. Let's be honest with ourselves. Do we really know Him? It's up to us to depend on God to defend us and protect us. God is a great god and in Him, nothing is impossible. Jesus has already overcome all our difficulties. Therefore, we have no need for masks or covers anymore. Cos all we need is Him. All we need is faith in Him, for we have been saved by grace and thru faith!

The last reason is that in Jesus, and only in Jesus, do we find our value, for we have been chosen by God! We should be content, and be happy not just on the outside, but from the inside as well. That is the true value of God that all His children should possess. We deserved death, and we had fallen short of the glory of God. But God's grace saved us. So can we now extend that grace to others? Can we let go and let God take control? Or are we subconsciously rejecting God's love? And we know that God loves us, but do we really love Him? If we do, where are our Christian values in the secular world? If we ask for any Christian values, we will receive. But the question remains. Do we really want to?

For too long, the Christian youths in some schools have yet to stand up to be counted. It's time. Time for God to appoint leaders to guide the blind out of the wilderness. We are The Next Generation. And we have to reach the next generation. Many things will happen in our lifetime, but are we spiritually ready to combat the Devil? It's time for a spiritual awakening. A revival in our schools, be it mission schools or not. I throw down this challenge to the Christian youths reading this blog. Are we ready? Are we willing to do our part and reach the next generation? Are we willing to gird up our loins and follow Jesus? Are we ready to guide our friends out of their spiritual wilderness and emptiness? If we are, then I say, let's join hands together, and in the coming year(s), reach the next generation in our schools!

Changed.

2006-12-17T20:04:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I'm back from the two TNG camps! I just wanna thank God and give Him the praise that only He deserves. During the past week, my life has been totally changed once again due to the realness of Christ. I went into both camps feeling pretty empty spiritually. This emptiness caused me to hide behind a mask that said I was feeling happy and life was going smoothly. But deep down, the emptiness had been there for a long time. I was hoping for a sign or an indication of God thru the camps, and I got much more than that.

During the Junior Camp, I really really felt God's presence in the camp. No matter what was said about the spiritual atmosphere, I believe that He was there right from the start. It was He who granted safety for the campers, for holding back the rain and for the spiritual enrichment of all involved. As I saw my juniors enjoying themselves in the presence of God, a wave of power surged thru my body. I saw God working thru them. Edifying them. Making known that He is REAL. There's nothing like the inner peace that God can give. It's the best kind of drug. He leaves you hungering and craving for more of His peace. And the thing is. There are absolutely no side effects. Thru the camp, I saw many of my peers not only receiving prayers but praying for others as well. And that's what truly moved me. In Isaiah 40:29-31, it says, "e gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even if the youths become weary and fall, those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, shall mount with wings like eagles and run and not be weary, walk and not be faint." How true. All we have to do is to give Him our trust and faith, and He shall do great things. We have no need to fear anymore, for He has already overcome the world. Just like Pastor B said. Place your faith in Him, and He will fight your battles for you. That really hit home hard. I've tried many times to overcome seemingly impossible things, but had I put my trust in Him, He will give me strength.

Romans 12:2 says "Do not be conformed to this world". Why? Cos although we are living on this world, we are not OF this world. Our true home is in Heaven cos He has already died for us and repaid our sins. We are merely travellers in the world, so why be influenced by worldly desires? Sometimes, God works in ways which are unknown to man. Therefore, we should just trust in the Lord and not depend on our own understanding. It has been said that the oceans of the world only fit into the palm of God's hand. Can we imagine how big God is? And yet, He is loving enough to save us for our sins. He had a choice. He could leave us to rot and fall so far short of the Kingdom of Heaven but He didnt. He couldnt bear to see His children suffer. So He sent His only begotten son Jesus Christ, who came to this world, with one purpose, to die for us. He lived a perfect life. There's nothing which He did wrong. But still He chose to die. So that we could be reunited with our Father, who art in Heaven. We were undeserving, but He bore the sins of the world and sacrificed himself to die for us. He went to Hell and overcame death, on the third day He rose again, and cos of that, we are saved. If God chose not to care about us, we would all suffer and rot in hell. But He loved us so much that He gave us His only begotten son.

We call God the King of Kings. So if God is a King, and we are His children, that makes us all Princes and Princesses of God. Are we ready to claim our throne? If we are, what are we doing to show it? The story of the Prodigal Son never fails to strike a chord. Why? Cos we have all run away from God before. But we must bear in mind that no matter where we run to, when we turn back, there He will be, waiting for us with open arms. How great is our God!

People question, why Jesus? Cos it's only in Him where we find our true identity and true security. The reason why Christians are all so happy is cos we find security in God. With God, there is no need for any more masks. He knows us for who we are. And I dont wanna be the guy that goes to Heaven at the end of my life and see my friends all suffering in Hell just cos I didnt share the Word with them when opportunities arose. It is my prayer that I can see my friends coming to God and acknowledging Him as their personal Lord and Saviour. And I believe that I will have a part to play in all this. So I just wanna take this opportunity to re-dedicate my life to God, that He will just lead me to green pastures and still waters. That He will use me to touch the lives of the people around me.

I wanna conclude by saying that the emptiness has been filled now, and the whole of me is back again. So till the next time, this is Dan signing off.

Reflections on a boring day

2006-12-10T17:57:00.000+08:00

Hey all. Today is the 10th Dec 2006. I have finally hit rock bottom. I'm so bored that I'm playing computer solitaire. Still nvm. Keep losing. Damn. So I have decided to blog and to all who's reading, please bear with me. I think I'm getting injected by the Ali Baba virus. My mind is wandering and thinking about stuff which I don't think I would if I had more time. But I'm thinking about stuff that maybe makes sense, so I hope blogging it down will be a good idea.

First up. Today, someone asked me a question that really got me thinking. That person asked if I would do anything differently if I had the opportunity to retrace all my steps in life. I thought about it. If changing anything means I have to give up my cool funky friends from NCHS, then I would turn it down in a second. Cos I feel that the friends that I made in NCHS in the past 3 years are second to none. They will be with me whenever I'm in need of a pep talk. Oh. If I changed anything, and lost my beloved Squad 3 '06, I wouldnt want that at all. SQUAD 3 '06 ROCKS!!

Secondly, today is the eve of the church camps. I'm feeling kinda in between about both camps. But then again, I always do and in the end the group turns out pretty damn good. I guess that's God's way of slapping me in the face when I pre-judge someone or something. I just hope that my camp groups will turn out to be great, just like last year.

Oh well. Star awards is on tonight. Gotta go. Haha. So for now, it's Dan signing off.

A day in 2035

2006-12-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

Hey to all. The last we left off, we were all 29 years old, each having a bright future ahead of us. Let me now fast forward another 15 years. However, I must first add a disclaimer. The following may contain unfavourable circumstances to some, but please remember that this is just my imagination and may not happen in real life.

After stepping out of my interrogation room for the first time in three days because I was getting to the bottom of a punk who decided he'd take a chance and try to cheat in my casino under my watch. Fat chance. Feeling happy that I would not have to give any lectures at the polytechnic which I was working for on a part time basis, I decided to pay a visit to one of the nightlife hotspots in Clarke Quay. On the way there, I got a call from Jocelyn Quek who informed me that she had just gotten another call from Amanda, who is the current head of A & E Department of a hospital. To cut the long story short, someone had been admitted into the hospital this afternoon. Someone we all knew too well. Jun Ting. Apparently one of his clients was a lousy driver and when he took the car for a test drive, decided to speed and crashed into a tree. Jun Ting was inside the car and the airbags saved him from damage, but haemorragging had taken place and he was unconscious at the moment.

I rushed down to the hospital. Once there, I found Jocelyn and Amanda standing outside his room. We called some of our other ex-NPCC pals to notify them about this freak accident. Soon, I saw Aaron running down the hallway to meet us. Though Aaron now owned a car dealership of his own and Jun Ting was supposedly his main rival, they still kept in contact.

In the next one hour, we were joined by Junde, Samantha, Charles, Wei Siang and Yong Li. They all expressed their shock at this sudden turn of events. We tried contacting the others but the others were uncontactable. Charles told me that Meiqi was in China on a mission trip with her church. I was shocked to realise that people like Hui Ting, Rebecca, Baoyi, Yong Yi and Michelle had long ago emigrated.

At the end of the day, Jun Ting pulled through. But the things I learnt were far more appalling. I realised, that we, the 4th squad of NCHS NPCC, had drifted apart. No matter how much we had promised ourselves that we would always stick together, the brutality of life in the real world drove us apart. We were too busy, with our own lives, to bother with the seeming frugality of friendships. As I thought back to 32 years ago, when our lives intertwined for the first times, I realise the purity of the friendships we had back then. Back then, all we ever worried about was schoolwork and heart matters. Now, all we ever cared about was how to make money, how not to waste money, and how to get all the money in the world...

Okay. I'll be the first to admit that this post is a little downcast and the mood and setting of the scenario is horrible. Horrible. However, there will come a time when such a thing might happen, whether or we intentionally wish for it or not. But that's life for you and me. But for now, who wants to join me in this pledge? "We will stick together. Through bitterness and strife, through good times and bad, through joys and sorrows, come what may, Squad 3 '06 WILL stick together." (Yes I know I used these phrases in my article, but it applies to this now and I'm lazy to think up something new.)

I end this post with another quote I found. This is Dan, signing off for now. I promise that Part 3 will be a more light hearted affair.

“From quiet homes and first beginnings,
Out to the undiscovered ends,
There’s nothing worth the price of winning,
But laughter and the love of friends”
~ Joseph Hilaire Belloc (English writer)

I'm sorry

2006-12-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

Hey all. Short post today. I just wanna say that I'm totally sorry for what I did a couple of nights before. Had a minor disagreement with someone (name withheld for obvious reasons), and when my mum rushed me off the com I didnt tell that person beforehand and just went offline. Looking back I know that was super insensitive of me and yeah, I had absolutely no right to do that. It was just basic courtesy for me to tell that person first and I realise that I hurt some feelings. So I just wanna say that it was totally unintentional and no matter how much our opinions differ I never intended to hurt any feelings. So all in all I just hope we can patch up our differences and misunderstandings. So that we can go back to that nice cool funky relationship we were having before this stupid incident happened. It's my fault and I take total responsibility for any hurt feelings. If you're reading this, I'll just like to let you know that I'm totally sorry and that you're absolved of any blame in this matter. This may sound trivial to others but this friendship is totally important to me and I just wanna clear the air about that stupid incident. So if you do read this, just sms me or tag me or whatever you wanna do. Once again, I screwed up and I'm totally sorry.

I hope the next post wont be as dull and in such a low mood. Till the next time, this is Dan signing off.

A day in 2020

2006-11-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

Hey all. In my boredom due to lack of things to do during the holidays, I've decided to look into my magic crystal ball and see into the future. 14 years into the future and let's see what has changed since then...

As I step out of my office at the Integrated Resorts, with the view of the Merlion firmly in my sights, I break from my usual routine as I do not head for home straight away but instead, head towards Orchard Hotel for a gathering. I step into my new Mazda RX8, sold to me by that sales person from hell, Jun Ting. He decided to open a new car showroom so that he could leave and breathe cars. The last I heard, he had opened up the showroom together with Aaron Lim, who also shares his passion for cars. The two of them offer wonderful discounts to ex-classmates and even have wonderful company benefits from time to time.

I'm travelling down the expressway when who else calls me but Chan Junde, the one among us who slimmed down majorly after his appearance on Extreme Makeover: Singapore. Now, his spectacles are gone and gone too is his pot belly, in it's place is a well-maintained body. He's now working as a zoo keeper and last I heard, he got a promotion to be in charge of the reptiles section. How ironic. When we were young, we used to call him turtle. Haha. One thing that has not changed, however, is his penchant for nose bleeds. He got off easily in the army and was classified as PES E, which meant that he didnt have to go thru rigorous training like the rest of us. Lucky bugger.

He calls to confirm my attendance at tonight's NPCC reunion dinner. I tell him that I'm on my way. In the meantime, he tells me to give Baoyi a call and see if I can give her a lift as well. She represented our country in many tug-of-war competitions in the region and is now a trainer of tuggers in our old school, Nan Chiau High. She picks up and directs me to the new location of the school, having moved from Sengkang to the old RI school ground to accomodate more students and have better CCA facilities. With her is her long-time friend, Amanda. Apparently she teaches in the same school now. Oh well. After that big detour, we are finally on our way. During the journey, we share our common anticipation of seeing our friends and one time squad mates again. We all agree it was time we sat down to catch up.

When we enter the hotel lounge, there we find Wei Siang. A few moments of awkward silence ensues after he spots Amanda, having had that unforgettable "scandal" just after we graduated from secondary school. I attempt to break the ice and tension, and enquires about the others. I spot Junde walking towards us. In tow is Rebecca, who apparently got a lift from him. Soon after, Meiqi hurriedly walks towards us, apologising for being late. She's now the pastor-in-charge of City Harvest Church, which has become the biggest church in Asia now. Apparently, she just returned from Melbourne, where she was holding a seminar for pastors in the region. We find our seats in the function room, which Samantha kindly booked for us, with her bring the majority shareholder of the hotel, and wait for the others to arrive.

As we sit down, we hear people from behind us being a little too noisy. The waiter nearest to us shouts to the others that the soccer stars were here. We turn to look and find Yong Yi, Ambrose, Charles and Yong Li walking in. They formed the backbone of the national team which just qualified for the World Cup and are currently the toast of the country. Shortly after, we see that Zhi Yong has arrived. He is now the boss of his own jeans company, which is rapidly becoming popular in the region. He formed his company together with Hui Ting and they have both recently broken into the Forbes' Magazine 500 Richest People In the World list, the first Singaporeans to do so.

As we hear many cameras clicking away, we realise that Simin has arrived. Since winning Project Superstar and Campus Superstar, she has released 4 albums, each reaching the top of the charts in the region in the same week it was released. She walks in together with our Maam Jocelyn! Squeals of delight erupt from the girls. Our beloved Maam has wiped out the Pizza hut chain from Singapore after setting up her own line of pizza fast-food outlets called J's Pizzeria. Her pizzas are so fast and tasty that even famed chef Jamie Oliver came down to try her pizza. And he loved it so much he still comes down to eat at her restaurants. We all patiently await the last two people.

And soon, they make their entrance, hand in hand. Who else, but Jocelyn and Hwee Siang? They have been together for as long as we can remember. Nobody but them is keeping count anymore. Jocelyn's working for the CID now and is in the running for the ASP rank. If she gets it, I think she will be the first woman to get it. Hwee Siang is now a professional gamer and has won many accolades in the now annual World Cyber Games. He used to be a commando in the army but just didnt like that kinda life. So now, he spends his time and gets paid to play games. Lucky bugger.

As we sit down to dinner and talk about past moments, we all get lost in thought. As we go back to the times when we were happy kids having nothing but studying to do and having fun, we really appreciate the people who were there as we grew up. But is this the kinda life we worked hard for? Getting lost in the concrete jungle and losing sight of our childhood ambitions? I remember when we were sitting in hot stinky and dirty classrooms doing our 10 year series. Did we envision such a life ahead of us...

How was that for starters man? Haha. Well it's the first instalment of what I hope will be a four or five part series, with a new instalment coming out every week or so until the end of the hols. Till the next entry of " A day in 20_ _ ", tata for now. Please feel free to post your opinions. This is Dan, signing off for now.

2006-11-28T00:06:00.000+08:00

Heyhey. Thanks to my jsister-jin-jlaw for saboing me to do this quiz thingie.

1. song playing at the moment?
bad day -- daniel powter

2. reasons for living?
God, friends, family

3. do you think you're ok?
yeah kinda sorta.

4. ever donated blood?
nah. still young. bt i intend to.

5. fav. colours?
blue.red.black

6. accessories you usually wear?
Not much.

7. one song to describe a heartbreak in the past.
Welcome to my life

8. last place you went to?
GV Plaza.

9. last person you went out with?
Agape.

10. e most exciting sport?
10 times you ask me this it's the same answer. SOCCER.

11. ever had a baby?
no.hv 2 naughty "nephews" though.

12. movie you wanna watch?
open season.

13. any piercing?
nope.

14. e most romantic gift?
dunno leh.haha.

15. act on stage before?
yeah, acted and narrated

16. struck by lightning before?
Ha!stupid question. Next!

17. danced with your loved ones before?
Do I look like I can dance?

18. ever wished you could turn back time?
yea..Definitely.

19. What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be with someone from the oppositesex?
Ha. Depends on who la. If it's the singing sensation of 3F, I might kill myself.

20. one song that's meanignful to you?
I'll be there for you -- Bon Jovi

21. missing whoever now?
dunno leh.kinda in between

22. what will you be doing tmw?
good question. haha. homework ba.

23. ever thot of robbing a bank?
LOL.I'm from NP leh.

24. onne thing you really regret doing or have done?
everything i'd done is a memory.. so, why regret having memories?

25. do ppl like you?
dunno.hope so

26. What was the last game you played on the computer?
FM 07.

27. someone who means a lot to you at the moment?
my family my friends my "family" my squad

28. the colour of your bed?
Green sheets at the moment.

29. do you hate someone at the moment?
Nah.Used to.Not now.

30. what do you wish to happen now?
have a nice meaningful talk with anyone that can point me in the right direction.

31. last time you ate pizza?
eh.. last few weeks i think. yeah.

Have you ever been given a ring?
No wedding ring, no engagement ring, no friendship ring. Only suffering.(demands applause for lame joke)

33. do ppl think you're weird?
Dunno. And I could hardly care.

34. movies now showing that you hate?
nope none.

35. most important thing in your room?
ipod.

36. last movie watched?
happy feet

37. last television show watched?
Amazing race asia.

38. who is the person you want to see right now?
dunno.

39. ever called a perosn useless?
heh. hav.

40. are you good at hiding your feelings?
quite..Hide behind jokes and corny stuff that seems so fake...

41. where did you take your friendster default pic?
lol.downloaded from web.

42. what exactly are you wearing right now?
Camp shirt for orientation camp '04 and some shorts with no brand.

43. what is your current problem?
To borrow a phrase, "heart matters"

44. what makes you most happy?
Being me.Hanging out with my squad and my cell.

45. what is e name of e song you're listening to?
You're still you

46. has anyone close to you died recently?
how recent is recently?

47. do you ever watch mtv?
of 'cos!

48. what is something tt really annoys you?
Hypocrites.Lard-face.Mr Potato-head.

5 ppl to do this:

KarL G
Jun ting
Ali Baba
Wenmin
John Fats

heh. =))

Man U vs Chelsea

2006-11-26T18:24:00.000+08:00

Tonight's the biggie. For the past week ESPN has been promoting it as the clash of the titans. In the red corner we have the most successful British team of the last decade and the 2nd longest-serving manager in the English game, Manchester United. In the blue corner, we have the defending champions, and the biggest mouth in Europe, Chelsea. The whole world is billing it as the most important match for both sides. Chelsea perhaps, but United? Definitely not.

The reason for this is that United have more traditional and historical rivals. Every year, no matter what happens, the most important games (in order) are Man U vs Liverpool, Man U vs Man C and Man U vs Arsenal. Why? Simple. Man U vs L'pool games are the fixtures where pride matters more than the three measly points. These two teams are the most successful British teams of all time, and many great players have played for these two clubs. Players like Rush, Dalglish, Cantona, Best, Charlton and Denis Law spring to mind. Man U vs Man C is a local derby, where anything can happen. This fixture may have lost it's lustre over the years cos of Man C yo-yo-ing between divisions, but the fact of the matter remains that this fixture is one of utmost importance. Man U & Arsenal have been rivals for a long time, especially when both clubs shared dominance of the EPL. This fixture, many a time, has provided the vital turn in both seasons. This fixture has decided the fate of the title many a time. After these 3 fixtures, the next one is Man U vs Leeds, cos that's a Yorkshire derby and goes back historically to the War of the Roses. However, this fixture hasnt been played in a while due to the relegation of Leeds. After these four fixtures then comes Chelsea. The same cant be said of them cos Man U is their biggest fixture, upstaging Tottenham and Arsenal fixtures in recent years.

Well. One thing that has been said is true though. It's pretty safe to assume that either of the clubs will end up as champions come the first week of May. It's hard to look past both teams. Even at the start of the season when everyone tipped Liverpool to be Chelsea's main rival, I wasnt all that sure. Yeah Pool bought a bunch of players. Big deal. When you buy people like Pennant and Fabio Aurelio, please make sure you look at their videos first. That's what scouts are for innit? Everyone wrote United off cos they sold Van Nistelrooy, a player who couldnt deal with being dropped in favour of Giuseppe Rossi at the end of last season when there was virtually nothing left to play for. However, in doing so, they improved the team spirit and are starting to reap the benefits now.

While both teams have a fierce rivalry on the pitch, the managers have a mutual respect for each other. If Chelsea loses, a six point gap would be opened up at the top. But if United loses, there goes the outright lead. Therefore, all neutral fans are rooting for a United win just so we can see how good Chelsea are at chasing down a lead. I certainly am. 4 hours to the kickoff.

Once again it's Dan signing off for now.

Me, the new Dr. Phil

2006-11-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

Ok. So that day when my sister-in-law had some emotional problems, she turned to me. Then upon remembering the 8 master questions that Des used to mention, I told her to think about some questions. I then came up with these 11 questions that somehow just popped into my head. Seriously. Didnt check any websites or stuff liddat. But somehow, in a weird and strange way, the questions nearly all made sense. But I must admit. Somehow, they also mostly just applies to girls, and only in some cases to guys. And here they are, complete with my reasons why or my attempt to reason why it appears so:

1)when ur down n out,whose shoulder dya wanna lie on?

Somehow, this almost always applies to girls. Dunno why. Maybe that provides a sense of security and belonging? Which according to a TV show I watched a couple of weeks back, are two of the most important elements to a relationship.

2)when ur alone at nite,who dya tink of?

Normally, I would think that this person would be someone very special. Cos in my opinion, you would only think of a person who has made a strong impression in your mind in such a time. I mean, we wouldnt be thinking of a boring teacher at night. We would be thinking of someone we view very highly right?

3)who dya first tink of when u first wake up?

Well. This one definitely appealed to me before. So yeah, I believe that this person whom you think of when you first open your eyes in the morning, is the one that will fill your thoughts for e rest of the day. Obviously, if this person happens to be a boring teacher, please do not hestitate to see a shrink. Btw, of cos this excludes family members.

4)who dya tink of when u juz before u go to slp?

This was based on a very logical thinking. If this answer tallies with e one above (it usually is), then that person would be in your thoughts usually for the majority of the day. Meaning that the person would be the first one you thought of when you first wake up and the last person that leaves your conscious mind for the day, probably in the hope that the person would be in your dreams? This logic is the same one as the reasoning behind the principle of not letting the sun go down in our anger.

5)when ur ard him,n he touches u,be it accidentally or wat,do u immediately feel faint or flushed?

Ok. This is a total ripoff of something I read on the Internet. Strange but true. One of life's wonderful mysteries I suppose.

6)when u tink 5,10,15 years down e road,who dya tink u'll be with?

Hmmm. I wasnt really thinking about this question. Dunno. It's the most inconsequential question of the lot.

7)in daily life,does everything seem to remind u of him?

Right. This seems to appeal to girls. Never applies to majority of guys I think. Maybe cos girls are supposed to be more emotional and sentimental? But I've read somewhere that this happens cos we have that person in our mind, so much so that something common or mundane like a regular teacup can remind us of that person, maybe reminding us of a previous similar experience, like having a spot of tea with that person.

8)when u gaze into e stars or moon at nite dya get e feeling tt u wanna b right nxt to him at tt moment?

See, I have this belief that the night sky is a mystical thing in a way. The myth of wishing upon a star or a falling comet originates from the old belief that the things of the sky represents part of Heaven or a good luck sign. And it's common to find couples gazing into the night sky. Night time normally represents the time where our bodies start to relax and feel most comfortable, and we somehow get drawn to think about our "heart matters", to steal a phrase. Where our heart lies, we get a representation of the person in the sky. Like the star constellations, stars can somehow show a representation of our thoughts. But that's just my theory.

9)at times,dya hv e urge to call him n just tell him hw u feel?

Dunno. This one just seemed pretty important at the time, but I dont really think it can point to anything other then constant frustration due to the other party not getting the hints (This one's a 2nd level joke).

10)when u hv absolutely no one else to rely on,who dya expect to b there no matter what?

This one's the most practical one. See, this person is one that you trust with your whole heart and feel that when the world is against you, that person will still be there for you. It's another question about how secure you are. We will all have times where we go thru a rough patch and get the feeling that no one understands us. But we somehow will be comforted by this person's presence. I feel this is the greatest indicator of who do you have feelings for. This person will ultimately be who you want as your pillar of strength.

11)if u were stranded on a desert island,who dya wanna b stranded with if u cld onli choose one person?

This one's a total ripoff. But it still shows who you really wanna be with in life I guess, the person whom you feel will be your better half. I have personally never understood fully the meaning of this. Maybe I will in the future. Personally, I'd hate it if one day I vanished from Singapore and appeared in a desert somewhere just cos my best friend wished that I was there with him. I mean, cmon lah, I'd be pissed, not super touched. That being said, given the choice I'd choose the one person I could stand the LEAST.

So. That's my 11 questions of knowing if you really like a guy/gal. Maybe I should put in on Friendster and do it into a bulletin. Haha. Well anyone who wanna try this on yourself is welcome to do so. And if there's anything that anyone might wanna add or rebutt or offer their own opinion on, feel free to leave a taggy.

Till the next time, Dan signing off.

2006-11-20T19:33:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

in a pretty good mood

2006-11-20T17:18:00.000+08:00

Hey all, I'm at home on a fine holiday so feeling super sian. Decided to do something which I havent done before on my blog. I shall post song lyrics. (Yeah tt's how bored I am)

From the Inside Out (by Hillsong United)

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace
EverlastingYour light will shine when all else fades
Never endingYour glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades
Never endingYour glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

EverlastingYour light will shine when all else fades
Never endingYour glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Lord, I Lift Your Name on High ( by Sonicflood)

You came from Heaven to earth
To show the way
From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay
From the cross to the grave
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high

Lord I lift Your name on high
Lord I love to sing Your praises
I'm so glad You're in my life
I'm so glad You came to save us

You are holy
You are holy
You are holy, my God

You are awesome
You are awesome
You are awesome

Bring Your freedom
Bring Your freedom
Bring Your freedom

Here I Am to Worship (by Sonicflood)

Light of the world,
You stepped down into darkness.
Opened my eyes, let me see.
Beauty that made this heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with you

And here I am to worship,
here I am to bow down,
here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely,altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me.

King of all days, oh,
so highly exalted.
Glorious in heaven above.
Humbly you cameto the earth you created
All for love's sake became poor.

And here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely.altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
No, I'll never know how much it cost

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

And here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful
Yes you are God

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

I think that's all for today. Still have loads more yet to type out.

Things to be thankful for.

2006-11-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

Heyhey.I'm stuck at home and feeling bored.Then I realised I havent updated in a while so I decided to blog about a few things that I'm feeling thankful for.Oh before I start,I wanna say this: I dun care who you are,but nobody demands a post every month just so you can start spamming my tagboard. Now that it's been said,here we go...

1)I'm thankful for my beloved squad 3. I dont think I would have said this at this time last year, and really, I'm just glad that I had the chance to get to know em. In this squad, we have all sorts of different characters. There's people like Jun ting (Mr. Detailed,disgusting old ah pek/pervert), Hwee Siang(Heartbreaker,Lamer,Joker), Junde (Noddy/Lamer/Joker/Record holder for fastest chicken wing consumption), Jocelyn(Apple Quek/Tomato Quek/Sister-In-Law) and even me. The beauty of our squad isn't cos we're perfect or appear to have no flaws, but that everyone is capable of covering one another's weaknesses. And unlike NP squads in other schools, not everyone is fighting for personal gain. And I'm proud to be part of such a special group of people, in a squad where true brotherly/sisterly love can be found. We really do look out for one another,and it's not something we do unnaturally, but it's really part of our subconsciousness and inculcated into our daily lives. It comes naturally that we stick together even when someone screws up real bad. Although we do have the occasional quarrel, I really believe that this squad is made of Grade A superglue. Our bonds were built thru thick and thin. And it is my prayer that these bonds will never break.

2)I'm thankful for God's everlasting grace. I have been amazed by His wonderful plans many a time,but this one takes the cake. It just shows how God can work and then seemingly stops only to be moving all e while from another different angle. Just goes to show. Never doubt Him. To you,my dear new Sister-in-Christ, I will keep you in prayer. Always have and always shall. He will always be there for you.

And I think that's about all for now. Haha. Dan signing off for now..

load off my chest

2006-10-30T20:00:00.000+08:00

Hey.First up,a piece of good news.I'M FREE!No need to prepare for any stupid o levels anymore!Haha.Huge thanks goes out to my peeps who told me to have confidence and no thanks goes to jeremy for suaning me.Haha.

Now down to my main purpose today.Recently,AGAPE hasnt been the same.And I realise it's due to that now imfamous rumour.I know you might be reading this,but I just hope you realise this aint personal.It never was.This is just my opinion and yeah,you may not like it but just read it la.

Here we go.Over the past half a year at least I found out some things which I shall not disclose.But thing is,a few things have always bugged me when I think about this.First up,I realise this is probably your first time liking/crushing someone blablabla but I really think that it really isnt the right way of handling it.However,kudos to you for doing something that I wouldnt ever have the guts to do.I recognise the amount of courage and mental preparation that must have been required to have the guts to do those stuff.

Here's the thing.Me and the other guys would probably have pointed you in the right direction had you asked for our opinion.Unfortunately that didnt happen and actually deep down,I would have seriously thought of how to help you but the request never came.In actual fact,when I first got to know about it,I realised it was a doomed path and was never likely to succeed.Many a time I wanted to take the initiative but this sorta thing requires a person to ask for help rather then to receive help out of the blue.

What's done is done.Aint no point in crying over spilt milk.I've been thru what you're going thru before and just forget about it and move on.Life doesnt stop just cause you feel sorry for yourself.Like it or not life goes on.Avoiding us doesnt help,it only increases the awkwardness on your part.It only affects you.It won't affect us in anyway.Think about that.Food for thought.

Answers!

2006-09-29T17:15:00.000+08:00

Hey hey..I'm back to give the answers to that tiny little quiz.

1. My favorite movie of all time is Passion Of the Christ.(True)
2. I am a reality TV junkie.(True.Just ask KarL.Lengthy debates about survivor have been the hallmark of our MSN convos)
3. I detest Slyvester Sim and all his fans(True.Ugh.Think act-cool Ah Beng wannabe rapper?That's Sly)
4. I once fractured my hand while playing wrestling with my friends.(True.Although I told my parents another story just so I wouldnt get into trouble)
5. I don't like people who are superficial and immature.(False.Haha.I hate people who are superficial and immature.Hate is not equal to dislike.)
6. When I was younger my godmum used to spoil me rotten.(False.Haha.)
7. I feel the most attachment for my NPCC squad 3.(True.I'd gladly lay down my rights for them)
8.My favorite colours are blue and red.(True.)
9. I like to watch Channel 8 and Korean shows.(False.This is so easy it's a giveaway)
10. My pet peeve is people who act cool when they aren't.(True.Especially when you spike your hair and call yourself a freaking Legend)
11. I once saw a comet in the sky.(False.Fooled ya suckers!I saw a comet on TV.)
12. When I fall sick,I start flaring up at the slightest thing.(True.)
13. I like to eat durians and mangosteens(False.Dislike the smell and the sight of mangosteens)
14. I once thought the meaning of the word Homesick was being sick of home.(True.I was a dumb kid)
15. Out of all the characters from Archie comics my favorite is Reggie.(True.Master prankster)
16. When I was little I once cried cause the toilet was locked.(True.I really had to go!)
17. I once drank a full litre of water in 15mins.(False.Did it in 30mins.)
18. I was once scratched by a cat.(True.Ouch.)
19. My best friend in pri sch is KarL G.(True.Haha.)
20.At one point my favorite thing to say was 'Duh'.(True.XY will attest to my idiosyncrasy)

Haha.Dun call me your friend if you didnt at least pass.3/5 aint that hard is it?Considering that I threw in a giveaway question here and there,aint nobody supposed to get below 2.

KarL G

2006-09-24T19:37:00.000+08:00

Taken from my friend KarL G's blog...

One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they've gotta be true.
Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.
Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.
Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!
Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

Now, the objective for you guys is to guess which are the five false ones (as mentioned above) as a test of how well you know me! Post either comments (I dunno how, cos this blog doesnt let me) OR you can tag OR you can send me an email OR you can tell me on MSN!Here goes!
1. My favorite movie of all time is Passion Of the Christ.
2. I am a reality TV junkie.
3. I detest Slyvester Sim and all his fans
4. I once fractured my hand while playing wrestling with my friends.
5. I don't like people who are superficial and immature.
6. When I was younger my godmum used to spoil me rotten.
7. I feel the most attachment for my NPCC squad 3.
8.My favorite colours are blue and red.
9. I like to watch Channel 8 and Korean shows.
10. My pet peeve is people who act cool when they aren't.
11. I once saw a comet in the sky.
12. When I fall sick,I start flaring up at the slightest thing.
13. I like to eat durians and mangosteens
14. I once thought the meaning of the word Homesick was being sick of home.
15. Out of all the characters from Archie comics my favorite is Reggie.
16. When I was little I once cried cause the toilet was locked.
17. I once drank a full litre of water in 15mins.
18. I was once scratched by a cat.
19. My best friend in pri sch is KarL G.
20. At one point my favorite thing to say was 'Duh'.

Now, some questions my secondary school friends might not know, but if they think hard they can tell whether am I making something up or not. For the most part, this questionnaire quiz game can be done by anyone, and for most of my friends they should score at least 3/5 (come on lah, at least PASS can?) Get the answers to me in many different ways! (see above)The 5 people I tag to also make their own quiz game as well are: Jocelyn,Xinyun,Ali baba,Junting and John Fats.Special request goes out to KarL G to try his hand at my quiz. You can do it on your own blog or friendster too!Answers coming up after a few posts!

some pretty random stuff

2006-09-23T15:58:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back to blogging again!My blog's seriously gonna rot soon so I'm just here to blog about some pretty random stuff and get a few things off my chest.

1)Channel 5 seriously sucks.No survivor shown cos it's too controversial?That's the biggest piece of garbage ever.Yeah to split tribes according to race probably is not a very good idea but it interests people to watch it.Heck it could be a better way to educate teens about racial tolerance.And even Amazing Race isn't shown.So what if there are Muslim teams involved?Big deal.Luckily it's still being shown on AXN.And "still interlocked in negotiations with CBS" is not a very good excuse and just translates to "we're just stalling until CBS execs get pissed".Thanks so much.

2)Now,talking about reality shows,I've been watchin MTV and AXN lately and I realise there are many reality shows that are so nice.Such as Real World,Road Rules,The Gauntlet,The Contender.I know why these arent shown on free to air channels but still they rock.Steve "2-pound" Forbes to beat K-9 Bundrage and Grady "Bad Boy" Brewer to trump Norberto "El Gallito" Bravo.

3)This has been a pretty stressful past week.Had NP on Mon,Tues,Wed and Fri.Yeah.And 3 outta those 4 dates I had to appear in Full U.Darn it.Well,to be honestly speaking,I don't think I'm being really considered for BCI.Gotta stop lying to myself.I know my performance ain't that great.Oh well.Until the official announcement comes,I won't think about it.Did politics play a part?That's a question I've been asking myself.And for a while,I really gave it a thought.My conclusion?It doesnt matter.Favouritism or not,as long as the best people are chosen to be BCI,I am totally fine with it.Besides,I don't really think my beloved squad 3 squadmates would intentionally suck up for personal gain.So let the CIs make their decision on their own conscience and let them eliminate the bulk of IPC people in their own way.So long as it's right,I wouldn't mind.The Beatles sang this song "Let it be,let it be".So yeah.I'm not gonna fight my squadmates for those two miserly positions.I wanna achieve it by merit,not by backstabbing and internal strife.

4)Exams are in two weeks!I seriously am starting to feel the EP again.Haven't been doing much mugging lately.Need to pass at least one humans sub.Hoping that my average History score will pull me up.Wanna maintain my As in Chem,E Maths and Eng.Those 3 subs I can not worry that much.My A Maths.I so desperately want to continue passing man.And my Phys.If I'm honest with myself then I know the A in the last term for Phys was purely a fluke.I'm not feeling confident at all which really sucks.Having no confidence in something has been a non issue for the bulk of the last 3 years for me and I don't wanna go back to my glory days of Pri 6 when I panicked about largely everything.And by God's grace I think I'll do just fine.:).Oh and my Chi.I'm seriously freaking out soon man.My Chi grades have never been suckier.Everytime someone thinks I'm that damn good to be doing HCL,I'm just thinking about how untrue that is.And everytime someone's amazed that I can do HCL,I'm giving the same fake smile.A smile that hides the fast-rising irony inside me.

5)I don't appreciate people who keep harping on the same subject.What kind of person are you?Why must you always use the same old rumour to piss me off?It just shows how immature you are.I've been tolerating your crap for far too long.Don't be mistaken that you can continue to harp on the same old shit just cos I'm keeping quiet.Who do you think you are?Grow up man.Everyone has their own limit.I think my tolerance level is considered high.Don't awaken the sleeping volcano.This goes out to all concerned.Yeah playing's fine and suaning's fine with me but don't always use that to get your way.I'm fine with rumours flying around.Yeah,let's all have a laugh together but seriously,rumours that aren't true should be kept to a minimum.It doesnt just piss me off,it hurts the other party involved as well.See my base line stops at suaning of rumours and untrue stuff.Unfortunately some don't have the same attitude.And to you,I just can't be bothered about you anymore.Yeah I'm telling people that all's well and I forgive and forget blablabla.For now that's true.Don't overdo it.It's a warning to all.The volcano has stayed dormant for far too long.I can't control the lava flow.Don't make the volcano erupt.

6)This goes out to my parents even though they aren't probably gonna see this.I want my privacy back.Yes I'm a teen.Yes I've exploded my phone bill many a time.Yes I've had my fair share of bad moments.But that does not give you a right to look at my smses and delete the smses that I keep.As it is I don't keep many messages in my inbox.I tend to keep the smses with nice meanings to it.To look at them without my consent already is sickening and irritating enough but to delete them?That's just low.Everyone's entitled to their own privacy.Do I look at your bank books and look at your personal stuff?No!In the same way why is it so hard for you to understand that I just want a tiny bit of privacy?How would you feel if I deleted your stuff?Stuff you kept for ages?The way a relationship is run,everyone in it still maintains some privacy.I'm just asking for my fair share.

That's all I've gotta say for now.Really glad I took this time to get some burning issues off my chest.Peace out.

Signing off
Dan K.

Reply to a post.

2006-08-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hey all. My main purpose today is to give my thoughts on one of my ex classmates post in his blog. Kar Liang, this goes out to you.

In his post,my friend gave his opinion on friendships. This compelled me to put in my two cents worth.First up, what defines a friendship?What qualities and attributes are needed in a true friendship?I feel that a friendship requires a two way communication,it requires the efforts of all parties involved.Most importantly,a friendship must contain trust and understanding and can withstand the test of time.

Trust.To me,a friendship without trust is like a car without the engine.Even if the car can start by some miracle,it will still be running on a low horsepower engine.Put in the engine however,and the car will turn into a Formula One standard car with a high horsepower engine,able to glide over the chicanes and bends that come its way.A few years back an incident happened(my close friends should know what) which opened my eyes to the importance of trust in any relationship.Trust is the basic building block for a good solid friendship and it won't take a genius to see that the basic foundation must be strong in order for the building not to fall when faced with typhoons or hurricanes.

If trust is the engine of the car, then understanding is the petrol.Without the petrol,the car would not move and the people inside the car would be going absolutely nowhere.Understanding is the fuel of a friendship.When running low,the wise thing to do is either to top up the tank or finding the fault in the supply line.In abundance,it will ensure a smooth ride to one and all.Never let the fuel run out,for the car might stall one fine sunny day in the middle of the road.

Endurability is another important point to friendship.True friendship withstands the test of time.It is the tyre of the car.Durability and stability is what it will provide to the car.The better quality tyre,the longer lasting the car will endure.And throughout all terrain,be it rocky or smooth,dry or wet,the car will continue moving on.Beware,for the tyres are susceptible to negligence,and because of its durability,people tend to take it for granted.It is however a very integral part of the car and we ignore it at our own danger.

All in all,after all that's been said,I must still say that the really important key to a friendship is in our hands.No matter what,the ability to drive the car safely still remains in our hands.By guiding our friendships safely through the sands of time,we can definitely ensure the longevity of a friendship.

Kar Liang,I await your reply.:)

What dreams are made of

2006-07-10T05:12:00.000+08:00

It aint often that I'm moved to tears by soccer.Hell the last time I teared was when England scored against Brazil four years ago.However, on this special day,I have once again been amazed by the beauty of soccer.

After 64 matches and so many great moments, it's a befitting end to the 2006 World Cup to have Italy triumph.They were my favourite 2nd team.Somehow after they dumped the Czechs out I just realised they were in with a shout.

But they had no right to win.A scandal of "sporting fraud" has been overshadowing their every move.Four of their biggest clubs are involved.So many reperesentatives of these clubs were at the Finals,like Del Piero and Cannavaro.Surely they would have had their future on their minds all throughout the tournament.But I give them my respect for the mental strength and fortitude they had in blocking everything out and seemingly drawing strength from it.It takes character to win such a tournament.And damn did they show it.

Class and panache.That defined the Italians during the tournament.Yes,it was through penalties,but it is a fitting way to win it,through the mental strength that has helped them so.It's their first win on penalties,need anything else be said?In this tournament many fresh faces emerged.I wanna brag about Fabio Grosso.Yes,let it be known that I played him in my FM game and he rocked so I didn't really expect him to be too bad,let alone score the WINNING penalty.

So many unknowns came to Germany and left as a new hero.Luca Toni,Vicenzo Iaquinta,Fabio Grosso,Aaron Lennon,Phillip Lahm,Bastian Schweinsteiger.I believe we shall hear about these players more often in the future.And the exits of a few greats took place,like Oliver Kahn,Lillian Thuram,Claude Makelele,Zinedine Zidane,Roberto Carlos,Fabien Barthez.In my next post I shall post more thoughts on the tournament.

Part two.

2006-07-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

I was looking back at my post last night.I realised that I still had many things unsaid.So here comes Part Two.

This guy is supposed to be 15 years old yeah?Well his actions are downright disgusting at times.The first time I saw him,on the orientation day,I thought that this guy would either be the hard surface with tender interior kind,or the big bad brute.I seriously regret to say that he's the brute.

At one point I really hoped that he could change my opinion of him.I even gave him some very obvious opportunities and hints.I want to see him as my friend and learn together with him but if there isn't any effort put in on his part,then how am I to say anything else?During the times when we were paired together I tried to give in to him,thinking that it might help him see the err of his ways.Unfortunately I was disappointed when he took advantage of the situation by making me do everything for him.Things got so bad that I almost wanted to whack him.Everyday was hell for me as I did my best to control the fast rising anger in me.

Finally school closed at the end of Sec 2.During the holidays,I told myself to stop letting him step all over me.I came back to school with a whole new attitude and whatever he said that didnt make sense or I didnt like,I threw back a sarcastic comment.And he blamed me for giving him crappy attitude.Look in the mirror pal.

He has this mindset that the world revolves around him.Every whim and fancy that he has must be fulfilled.He doesnt care for the opinions of others,even when he's dead wrong.That is just the way he is.No one likes him cause of that.He thinks he's God.Reality check: You aint.

Oh and the way he treats people is just wrong.No one should treat others like dirt just cause he likes it.You might think I'm being harsh but it's really just what we think about you.I say no more false fronts.No more pretending to like you.I'm done with it.I say it's time to show how we really feel.No more helping you to do things when in fat we just don't like you.I repeat that.We don't like you.So congrats to you.You've succeeded in giving us the same feeling towards you that unites us all:You suck.

One stuck up person.

2006-07-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

This week has just flown by.The first week of Term 3 has passed.During this week,I realised a certain person in my class behaves in a manner that would put a 3 year old child to shame.Apparently, this person doesnt hold others in high regard.Here's the truth:the feeling's mutual.Yes, we may not think very highly of a person,but is it right to keep harping on the person?

You think you are that damn good.Well here comes the reality check.Don't attempt to fool us by drawing attention to the flaws of others.Deep down inside,you know that you're no where near that standard.Deflecting away the attention from your flaws won't fool us.It will only serve to make us detest you even more.And that ain't good,considering the opinion we have of you to begin with isn't great.

Also,I personally feel that it's the most insecure of individuals who would keep doing such idiotic actions.Here's why.If you have the ability to play a game,then just play it.In whatever way suits you.No amount of trash talking will affect you or criticism.You yourself know your own style best.A insecure person uses reverse psychology.That person gives himself the impression that he can play like Ronaldinho when in fact he's like Emile Heskey.That's just sad.

And I just don't get how you are in a position to criticize others when you make the same mistakes.There's an old saying that means be content with your lot.So if we put you in,be thankful.Don't try to act as if it was deserved and stamp all over people.Don't try to make yourself an indispensible member of the team.There are other decision makers around.No one's indispensible.If Beckham could be sold by Ferguson in his prime,then no one's untouchable.Not even Crouch. :).Oh please don't try to dictate how we play.Cause that's for a manager to do.Even Bruce Arena knows that.I don't care if you're used to getting your way.In this team everyone works as a team.In fact,if you expect your way,all the more I'm not gonna give it to you.

Let it be noted that the decision to put you in was made by the team.That's the way things go.So we have the exact same power to remove you.Yeah pretty predictable reaction expected.Sulk curse and swear in a corner.Rant and rave.GET OVER IT.You play sports.I'll be the first to admit you're pretty good in the other one.But it's a different sport after all.Maybe in your excel sport you have the team built around you.But you don't now.So be a team player.There's no I in team,but there sure is an I in EGOISM.Little boys cry over petty things.Don't drop to that low.We have made it clear,there are better players than you.Don't be a shmuck.Be smart.Be content.And like in a democracy,we shall leave you alone.We're not Hitler.One person doesnt get his way over so many others.THINK ABOUT THAT.

10 totally random thoughts

2006-05-31T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hey.Havent been updating recently,due to the lack of a social life I havent got much to crap about.However,I have decided to take a leaf from my good friend to do something totally random.

10)Life in Singapore really sucks. I mean,in what other countries in the world is society so results-driven?In Singapore,when a stranger meets you,the first thing they ask is "What school are you from?"If your answer isn't a well-known school,you're most likely slapped with a cannot-make-it tag.Why is the name of you school so important?Arent we taught to be immaterialistic?Werent we always taught by teachers to not judge a book by its cover?so why doesnt this apply in this area?

9)Taylor Hicks won American Idol.And damn he should have.But I'm still sore about the Chris thingie.I repeat,HE WAS SCREWED.And the shocker wasnt the first.There was Constantine,who damn sure should have gotten way further.Something just has to change in order for this to stop.What if a person totally blows the judges away but has a low fan base?Does that mean he should be kicked out over some one who murdered the songs but has a way high fan base?What logic is that?People,we've already seen what that can do.Remember Sly Sim?

8)World Cup starts in a mere 2 days.And I'm looking forward to it.Its the only tournament worth watching,not counting European Championships and Uefa Champions League.Point is,how often do you get representatives from all over the world in one country to challenge themselves to see who's best?And this tournament is the one thing that links football fans all over the world.And the countries which qualify need not be the most obvious.Like Angola,Togo,Ghana,Trinidad&Tobago,Ivory Coast.You'd never imagine them in the finals of an Olympic event or any other international sporting event.And just to balance it off,countries which are missing out are really surprising,like China,Turkey,Rep.of Ireland and Greece.On the other hand,which tournament provides such unique names inscribed on the trophy.Names like Argentina and Brazil and Uruguay.That's the magic of the World Cup.

7)Now.Many of my classmates have told me to delete a certain previous post.Here's what I think.I'll post what I see fit on my blog.And I'll delete posts when I like,not when people demand that I do.If you don't like what's here,then I'm sorry.All posts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

6)Lately I've been doing some thinking.What would my life have been like if certain choices hadn't been made.Like if I really did get better grades for my PSLE.On one hand I can have better relationships with my pri sch classmates, but that would probably mean I wouldnt know so many special people in NCHS.Old friends or new?For me, the choice is simple. I wouldnt give up my current friends in NCHS for anything.Maybe that's cos I didnt really click at all with 6A,save for a few.

5)I really need to have a better social life.My social life is practically zilch,and I only go out with CG and friends occasionally.I have seriously gotta start going out more often.Or I'm gonna suffocate at home.

4)What's it with people' attitudes and the school they study in?How come I always feel that ATS people are seriously stuck up and have a real problem with socializing in the real world?Why do people from 6A give me the feeling that they are always better than me?Is it cause I'm not in a famous or good school?Oh well.I just never clicked with them.I can't really blame them for forgetting me.But whenever I talk to them I have the feeling that they don't really rate me very highly.Wonder why.On the flip side,my peeps from NCHS are da bomb.They taught me to be down-to-earth and have a positive attitude.They indirectly helped me to trust in others wholeheartedly again.They showed me that grades isn't everything.They don't have everything,yet they seem wonderfully content with life.That's the life I want.Not the deadlines and hypocrisy that comes with "good" schools.

3)What's really important in life?Grades?Money?Job?No.I say the most important thing in life is having friends.Friends form the cornerstone of our lives.Without friends no one can be happy.Friends that are there when we are happy and sad,those that are willing to lend a shoulder when times are rough.Those peeps who won't leave you alone in your darkest hours.

2)Oh and a shout out to my beloved VIRGO..who gave me a very wonderful time during ATC.I went into it not being very enthusiastic but my group bonded so well that I was influenced too.I really took home some great memories.Hope that my group will continue to stay in touch.

1)I wanna tip my hat off to my friend KL.It takes guts to confront one's own flaws,let alone tell everyone.but that's exactly what he did.And I'll be the first to say,well done pal.I respect him for doing that.Haha.I know he's probably gonna see this so in order to stop inflating his ego(another potential flaw),I shall stop right here.

Survivor predictions,ar n ai review

2006-05-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

First up, I would like to declare that I'm officially on strike for the next week of AI. Cant believe that Chris was kicked out.Hmph.Based on last night's wonderful Elvis theme, I felt that Kat should have walked. But no, america decided to vote out Chris, who by my recognition, should have been given auto entry into final 2 based on last night's performance. Even Cowell tipped him to win. If Cowell, one of the meanest judges and best talent spotters around, can appraise Chris as "the only contestant ever not to conform", I believe that speaks volumes. If People like Rod Stewart and Queen and David Foster and Andrea Bocelli can praise someone so highly, that person MUST have quality.Why cant people accept that?Anyway, the epi showed the world that AI is a huge freaking popularity contest. Week after week after week we see the same two,Taylor and Eliot,being safe.Now I'm not rubbishing their talent but I feel that the concept should be altered. Like the judges being able to give scores and a slight percentage of it is taken into account as well. But that would totally ruin the concept of American Idol, the person chosen by Americans.

Moving on, my fave team's in 1st place this week!I personally had fun watching it cause I got to make up my own subtle hints at the request of my fave reality junkie,KarL.Haha.Somehow he couldnt figure out half of them.And he's in R-freaking-I.(Oops).Anyway, I feel that the race is hard to call and predict a winner, as all teams are relatively even-matched. This is so much unlike previous seasons when a winner was obvious from the minute the final 3 was decided.Remember Teri and Ian?Haha.However,I'll just say that I really liked BJ and Tyler this epi.The way they motivated each other to finish their "delicacies" made me wish I had friends like that.Hippies all the way man!Seems to me like Ray and Yolanda are also very strong. And they have an athletic background so if it comes down to a footrace to the finish line,they just might outlast the others.They have a great thing working for them-the underdog factor.If the other 2 teams underestimate them, they could spring a huge surprise.Eric and Jeremy complete the trifecta. And I feel that karma's gonna bite them in the ass.They had so much good luck at the beginning of the race. Which means that their luck's probably gonna run out or take a turn for the worse.Remember Rob and Amber?As I said,this race is too tight to call.

And now for Survivor.Well.With Terry failing to get numbers on his side (yet again),it means he'll have to rethink his strategy(yet again). However this might work for him if he gets to the final 2.He can say that he was the one underdog who faced the chopping block every ep unless he won immunity.Also,he did not have the numbers on his side at all.His argument can be that he NEVER directly caused anyone on the jury to be voted off.His constant failure to get a solid alliance means that he was alwayz on the minority side of the tribal vote and he didnt have to turn on his core alliance or backstab anyone. He played a good clean game and relied on himself to get there.Now what a wonderful closing argument speech that would make.Cirie,if like trailer shows,"stands up" to Terry, then that would virtually shoot down all her hopes of making it past final 3.As things stand,Terry has held the key to ultimate victory.He has already got the immunity idol.He can just go win the immunity challenge and pass the idol to someone else(I'm guessing Danielle). Then he'll use his double immunity power to knock on what I'm pretty sure would be Aras. Now if Aras REALLY goes and pick a fight with Terry,that would be pretty stupid of him.Especially if they wind up on the same team for teh reward challenge(which is virtually impossible).If it were up to me to predict, I'd say next to go would be Aras or Danielle.I think i'll be back in the morn to tidy up my thoughts.Time to snooze. Yawn.

Request granted.

2006-04-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

Hi. I'm here today at the request of 3 classmates who share the same feelings as me about a certain Superstar runner-up. The following is going to be really good and its lucky I dont have a tagboard or it would be flooded. Its brutally honest so it may hurt feelings but eh, I dont give a damn.

At approximately 18:50 today, I received a SMS on my phone. I quote "I dun like lies. Please tell me straight in e face that whether I'm bad ugly or fat. I can take that well enuf. Wad i cant take is sarcastic remarks and laughing at those words. If I'm too fierce, unreasonable, act cute and act chio (if u think so) pls pls pls tell me. Dun say it behind my back. It hurts me alot. So pls. Dun do that and I dun like lies. = (name withheld)". At first look, I laughed. Seriously. This is so asking for suaning man. If this came out as a history essay question all the guys would have full marks. Damn. Time for new subjects.

First of all, it takes huge effort to be able to think of exactly the right thing to say at a 5sec reaction time limit. I hope you appreciate our efforts. We are not sarcastic. We just phrase the truth in a more embarrassing way. We don't laugh at those words cause those aren't words. If you remember correctly there are actions too. You sure you can take remarks straight in the face? Don't lie. No one can take criticism without any negative reaction.

To tell you straight in the face that YOU SUCK, is very heart-breaking. But my mum taught me that honesty is the best policy. Guess what? The truth must be told. But the truth hurts. So as I'm struggling to think of ways to tell you, I have trouble imagining your face. Actually I don't want to. But that's not the point. Point is that if you really want me to say that you're fat, ugly and can't sing, then tell us to our face. But the ironic thing is that we really DO think you're bad ugly and fat". So you're technically just seeking confirmation.HAHA. In your face bitch. Those aren't lies. Those are what I call the awful truth which some people (me) like to poke fun at.

From the 5th sentence, we can see that the author of the message asks if we think that the person is "too fierce, unreasonable, act cute act chio (if you think I do)" Here's two words for you. We do. Key word being act. Cause no matter which angle we look at you from, you ain't ever gonna be cute or chio. OUCH. Told ya. Truth hurts. From contextual knowledge we know that the person in question has a history of such behaviour which is highly disapproved of.

I would like to point out that we do not say it behind your back. We say and do it in front of you. So you have no basis for argument and that point is therefore rendered useless. Like you. I should know. I'm part of the Stand out Speak out campaign. For maximum reaction, one should always tell another the truth in front of a person. To gossip about people behind their backs is just WRONG. (only 3 people are gonna get this but I think they're laughing quite hard). :).

Oh so words hurt you. And to think I thought your skin was too thick for anything to pierce through. Guess what. I bet this hurts helluva lot more. And I'm super an shuang at that fact. If actions and words can hurt, and you ask for the truth, ain't you simply just asking for trouble? Aint no one ever tell you that the truth hurts? Well I have been ranting about that but that's definitely not the point.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the hypothesis. I feel that the facts going against it weigh more strongly than the points raised by the author. Honesty is the best policy and only telling the truth can make one feel good. I think that's why I feel so good now. NOT. I'm damn sure my mum's proud of me for taking her advice so strongly. And damn. I just looked through the whole thing again (I was checking my work :p) and I realise that if this came out for O levels I'd be the presidential scholar.

On a personal note, this is the beginning of a few part short story focus on (name withheld). Please join me for more in-depth discussion with a few renowned experts in the next few weeks. Thank you. For Entertainment Tonight and the Bitch files, I'm Dan (bitchy bird) signing off.

sick,tired and pissed off

2006-03-13T08:13:00.000+08:00

At this point of time I'm feeling super pissed. Cos I came back from the best school-based camp I have ever been involved in and promptly fell sick. My throat hurts, have a stupid fever and most of all I'm just pissed off. I hate getting sick but falling sick during the hols trumps that man. Crap. Hvnt been sick for a long time. And my father still insists that I get ready soon so that he can send me to the doc. Oh I appreciate the intention but which nutter opens a clinic at 8.30 in the freaking morning? He's been giving me a bird face ever since I suggested that I felt a need to go to the doc. Well. If falling sick makes me pissed then his bird face raises my temperature ever so much more. Hmph. Panadol aint working either.

SSDD

2006-03-05T19:48:00.000+08:00

New year, new crap, same shit from the same people. I've been MIA-ing for super long. Lately,I've been working with Potato boy again cos of ALTC. And damn it, he still has the same sucky attitude,therefore the title, Same Shit Different Day. I mean really, he still insists on his way, still wants others to give him their opinion only for him to shoot it down.

There's only one word to describe him. He is a bloody hypocrite. What the hell. Hey boy, if you want our opinions, please be ready to accept it. You don't get opinions and rebutt them. If the world relied on yours, the end of the world would come in 1990. Why must you insist on your way ALL the time?

Oh and there's the fence thing. If everything was high-risk, how come we call it a risk assessment report instead of high-risk assessment report?Dumbass. And who the hell made it possible for thieves to cut the SCHOOL fence? Who the hell wants to break into a school? As if there are any valuables in the school. Even the slightest thought of burglars requires a mental health check sponsored by me. I know this is gonna be mentioned in someone's Bitch files but i still have to say it man.-.-

Bored.-.-

2006-01-10T17:34:00.000+08:00

Argh.I need to get a life.Its another holiday,and as usual,I am sitting in front of the com.I need to go out more like the SMRT advertisement suggests.My classmates are out playing Dota today. Dotaing,they call it. Actually,everyone's dotaing now.Someone please educate me,what's so special about Dota?I dont mean to be rude but,I just dont understand.I just hate being left out.And it aint the first time.First it was the card game,then Maple,then now dota.Hmpf.I mean,I cant be sitting in front of the com everyday playing Winning Eleven/Pro Evolution Soccer.For now,I shall just randomly shoot at some stuff.

All Chelsea fans: I dont care who the hell is your manager,but your team sucks. I hate teams that buy their way to glory. (Oh shut up,Man U trained their own youngsters to form the backbone of the side.Want proof?here's smth.1999)I mean really.You look at the current Chelsea side and I can only see three pre-Abramovich players:John Terry,William Gallas and Frank Lampard. And they have no youngsters from their training academy that's worth batting an eyelid about.With names like Boy-Boy Mosai,how to succeed?Dont come bragging about Mourinho and what he's done cos without money,he's shit.And I'd like to point out that two of Chelsea's finest players were signed by Ranieri,just that he got sacked before they arrived.Without Robben and Cech,Chelsea would totally suck.Bottom line:Chelsea still sucks.

With that off my chest,I shall move on. Ahha. On to Np.Well,this year we take over around June as the overall lau das.I have a weird sense of anticipation.Not cos we can tekan people,but for the whole year in general.We'd been briefed by Sir Derrick the plan for the year and its really exciting. I feel that if he's around,we will have the best year in Np. Oh damn.ATC beckons again and i swear I'll whack Ongky if he makes us go with Area 2 again. They simply suck.How dare they bully one of us?Sheesh.Just becos we're from a different area aint dont mean they can ostracize us and make one of us feel bad just cos he's fat.I mean,what kind of teens are they?

Ok.Hmmm.Now,lemme comment on smth.I really feel that my class sucks.No kidding.Damn.Whenver I see 3d I get jealous cos almost 30 Humilitarians r in it. That will definitely make their class gel easier cos most of them already know one another.But 3f has such an even spread tt it causes friction. Damn.I dont even talk to others except for ex-2h and a few other guys like charles,wei han,joe and guo mun.I feel that I wanna make friends,yet I dunno how.Its like shucks man.I hate my class.For now,I must stress.Really hope tt 3f will start to bond.Also hope that my feelings will change after 1-2months.

Oh ya.Have a feeling that my academic year will be great after knowing my teachers (except fer Physics cos he's a BORE) Oh well.A great year to look forward to,I hope. I also feel that its time I thought about what I'm gonna do in the future. For too long,when people ask me what I wanna be,my answer has been I dunno yet.Now's the time to think and set my paths. I could do journalism cos its my forte and come to think of it,I really dont have other strong points.To do journalism,I must get an arts degree I suppose.So here's to my first ambition?

Oh.My birthday's round the corner too. All readers your attn pls: I want presents!actually, I feel that smth from the heart is better.I'd rather receive just a "Happy bdae" than have a gift cos I want smth from the bottom of their hearts. Lately,I've had a wild suggestion: I think I should have my bdae celebration at the airport. NOT. But kudos to the bright mind who thought of it though =). While I'm on this, I might as well vent my frustration cos a certain someone has told me smth and I'm to keep it a secret till Dec. What the hell?! Dec is 11mths away. OH shucks.I'll probably forget about it. HOPEFULLY.

That brings me to the end of a particularly long rant on a typically boring day of my life.-.-

Praise God..

2006-01-07T15:14:00.000+08:00

I am so happy.Right now I feel more in line with God's marvellousness than I have ever before.This week has been a whirl of emotions for me, with a mix of happiness,disappointment,frustration and excited anticipation. It started off fine on Tues, which was the first day of school. I really didnt expect my class to hit it off from the start but over the course of this week, I feel that 3f might not gel.

But the real story begins on Thurs night,when I was talking to my meix.I finally came clean and asked her why she didnt want to accept my countless invitations to church.(I have to admit,at first i was jus trying to psycho her).When she came back to me, her reply was very hurting and it prompted me to make a silly promise: I would not ask her to go to church again. Till now, I'm still mystified at my ultimate stupidity. I was hurt,angry (at myself),disappointed and frustrated to the point that I stopped just short of crying to sleep (so drama sia!haha). I feel that the previous post really just struck the surface of how rotten I felt that night.

That night, I prayed for her. I really did. And somehow I forgot that just earlier in the day, I offered another friend (no names on my blog.. :p) to bring her to PLMC. So on friday night, just cos I had nothing much to do,I asked her again. Her reply was super-positive and I was super happy! (Okay,she's a backslided Christian,but don't they all count?) Then I found out that her main "motive" was to get her bf to go to church as well and she was thinking of killing two birds with one stone. Being the natural opportunist that I am,I immediately siad that they could both come.Haha..her reply was super-great as she told me she'd ask and there shouldnt be any problems. Also, she said she could be coming next week!

Wow.I was completely blown away lor..its like,a change from being so down to so happy and joyful in less than 24hours.And I know that this is by the Grace of God. Its like,two for the price of one lor..and I'm super glad to be part of God's wonderful plan. Yeah,I know tons of sh*t can happen in the next week but I'll take each day as it comes..God is great!

pissed and mad at myself

2006-01-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

Oh shit man. What the hell was I thinking when I made tt promise?shoots.wasted and flushed down 2 years+ of hard work when I promised her I wldnt invite her to church again. Mei Ching and Mich, if u r reading this,u have my full permission to blast my head off cos I will probably be so darn mad with myself tt i tear off my head anyway.ARGH.I'll give full marks for my stupidity tonight.Ohmigoodness, I'm a dumbass. I guess I'll provide details during cell dis Sun.

Let me just explain why I have been inviting you to church,if u are reading this. God's love is so great and holy and His presence in your heart will bring great inner peace and joy that is unimaginable. This love is so undescribable that no words can be used to explain it. Therefore, we have to pass this spark on to our closest and dearest friends. For it's either heaven or hell and I just want to see more and more of my friends in Christ so that when Judgement day comes,we will be part of the New Heaven. That is something which no one can give,no mortal man,except for our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ.So my prayer tonight will be,that even with my word given to you,you will still feel stirred up one of these days,to the extent tt you will just try.A li'l church never hurt nobody..:)

NYR 2006

2005-12-31T00:16:00.000+08:00

ello all.Here to post my New Year Resolutions for 2006. I hope that it will turn out better than this year though hahah.

1) Grow in the Lord and be more like Him each and every day.
2) Spread His word to my own Jerusalem,Judea and Samaria. In other words just talk to my friends about Him.
3) Set a good example of what a Christian is supposed to be for my pre-believing friends.
4) Either directly or indirectly be a cause of at least one conversion in my class.
5) Serve in church.
6) Get better grades in school, especially in Science and Maths.
7) Be a good senior to my juniors in NPCC, especially after June when we take over.
8) Do everything to the best of my ability.
9) Try to build bridges and mend wounds with friends whom arguments have taken place.

reflections/flashbacks of 2005

2005-12-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

As 2005 draws to a close, I feel that its time I did this reflection cum flashback thing. The past year has been pretty much forgettable, except for the month of December where the Youth Camp brought back a spark and pretty much the highlight of my year, as it has for the past few years. It's during the camp that God spoke to pretty much everyone and lit my heart on fire! Details to come..

Academic year--HA!what academic I should ask myself..this school year has been pretty bad..I've been slacking again..but in the first semester of this year I pretty much sank to a new low..Even now while looking back, shucks man! I failed Maths and scraped B's in Science and lost to Desmond in Eng (ultimate horror of horrors)..actually the smug look on his face was pretty much what spurred me to get better grades (I'm sure the suaning helped too)...But thank God I found the Lye family and had the totally intensive tuition during the June hols to give me the advantage going into the 2nd semester. My only regret is that I let the stupid Matthew Ng teach me in Science. Hope next year will be better in studies..

Social year--What social life?As usual my social life this year is virtually non-existent, save for the great 2H chalet during the Dec hols. And a few outings with Agape and the potentially good Pegasus outing coming up.Haha. Well at least I made a few good friends this year(Herman,Cheryl,Clement,Jeremy,Gerald) and also changed my opinion of a few people like Nick and Barry.Haha.Oh and I was really glad to have a few superb un-cliche convos with Mich,John,Mei Ching and Gerald.

CCA--It was a pretty great year actually in NP,with us winning tons of stuff as usual. But it was spoilt by two stupid people also known as the Bitch and Potato Boy(dis nick was given by Sista Pig,which is so evil,I only suggested Mr Potato Head haha). But yeah seriously, they really ruined my year in Npcc,and i tink i speak for everyone in S2 when I say that the Bitch really pissed people off this year.

Church--Well, I feel that for everything that has happened in church over the last year,I'd give anything, every sadness and low felt in the year, to relive this year again. Because of PLMC, I became more open and happier this year. It's been that great for me. With the Encounter camp in March and LHS-RHS in Dec, these two camps alone made me feel spiritually whole in Christ. Then there was the honour of hosting SOW with Joel in June which really opened my eyes to what I could do to serve Him,which became a really realistic goal after youth camp. Maybe hosting events for Him is another realistic option I have in 2006. Oh and yes, I will do smth about serving next year. basically I'll pray and then I know He's gonna point the way in which I should go,but if it were up to me, I'd choose either Hosting gigs,Ushering or Junior Camp Comm. Haha. The last one sounds pretty outta place. But God will make a way, and I feel if that is what He wants me to do, I'll pretty damn well do it.Haha.

I'll be back tmr or Fri to post NYR 2006.

The Legacy of the Bitch (cont'd)

2005-11-22T14:40:00.000+08:00

Im back with more tales of the Bitch. Now to comment on her very interesting camp that she organised over the weekend. That's right. Weekend. I am personally of the opinion that she is jealous of anyone that has a social life and thus decided to put this wonderful camp of hers on a weekend.

Well, let me first ask this very simple question. If a groundsheet is not meant to be on the ground, then why is it called a groundsheet? I think only she has the answer, screaming at us to take the groundsheet off the ground. At this stage, if I had the power, I would make her sit in a corner with a "dunce" cap on her head. Maybe bimbo is a better word to describe her, but on second thought, she aint pretty. Actually she is. Pretty damn ugly.

Also, what is a camp without a campfire? Just because the campfire committee had tried to make it better for everyone else, she had to try to cancel the whole gig. I wasnt in that comm, but when I heard of it, pissed wasnt the word to describe my feelings. More like Mount Vesuvius. I mean, you make people plan so hard, waste their time and money trying to come up with the best damn campfire they could, only to try and wreck everything. If they wanted to light the candles, I don't see why not. Even if you didn't like it, you should have mentioned it when their proposals were submitted. Do you know how lousy and pissed everyone felt when we heard of that?

After the campfire, she had the cheek and the audacity to punish 4 people. A measly FOUR. What the hell was she playing at? NP motto: One for all, all for one. Damn it, couldn't you talk nicely? Instead you had to make the whole squad look as you made 4 people run 10 rounds at 9pm at night. Why did it take an asthma attack before you could stop them? What kind of sick human being are you? Even for you, that's a real low. This goes out to everyone in Squad 2. I say that the next time she pulls such a thing we tell her to stuff it. Or alternatively, we could not bother about what she says and start running together with them. Call yourself a maam. Call yourself head of welfare for the camp. What a hypocrite.

Talking about hypocrisy, how dare you rant at us for being irresponsible, lacking in team spirit and having no consideration to squadmates when you yourself display these traits? Next time you scold someone, please look into the mirror before you do. Or you end up embarrassing yourself. You preach about good leadership, but do you show it? Display what you preach and everyone will respect you. And I mean real respect, not the fake and phoney respect we force ourselves to give you every Friday.

Welfare lesson 101: Do not ask your cadets to walk 7clicks at 5 am in the morning. Actually, if we had done that, it would have been fine. But no, you ordered us to carry rations,boots,poncho,2 1.5 litre bottles along. And your pace was so damn sickening. FYI, don't ask anyone to run when we are carrying such a load. And you walk so damn fast. Who the hell do you think you are? Everyone knows why you walked so damn fast. Just because you didnt have to carry anything with you doesnt mean you can so conveniently forget about everyone else and force the pace to be so damn fast. Above all else, you could have let us have regular rest periods. Hell no you didnt. It must have beem an interval of 45 mins before our first break.

Oh. I experienced first hand the ultimate idiocy. You just had to throw my efforts down the drain and cancel sentry duty. Again, a pure waste of time. And time equals money.

Who died and made you King Kong? Just cause you're fat aint mean you have the automatic birth right to shout at your whim and fancy at anyone. Just cause you have a permanent frown on your face aint mean you can take it out on me. Or anyone in Squad 2. Mark my words, MAAM, one of these days, you will get your comeuppance. And when that happens, don't blame anyone for laughing in your face. And don't even bother asking for a helping hand cause aint nobody gonna help you. And you deserve this treatment.

The Legacy of the Bitch

2005-11-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

Well. I am in a right mood. Had writer's block earlier in the day so couldn't think of anything to describe Shareen. Although I didn't know that one could suffer from writer's block cause one can't phrase their thoughts into civil printable words. Let's start off with her physical appearance.

Her face is so big. Did i say big? Cause I mean huge. Kinda like Ah Meng. But Ah Meng deserves better. Her face is in such bad shape that I personally think she'd look better if a lorry ran over her. For at least 4 times in a row. Her pores practically ooze oil, and it aint a pretty sight. She looks like the type who could tear blotting paper.

Now we go to her neck. This aint scientifcally proven, but she is the first person who doesnt have one. That piece of skin people normally call a neck is barely visible, like her head is detached from her shoulders.

We now go on to her nice li'l flab she pats at night called a tummy. Tummy aint even come close to describing the actual appearance. Her midriff is so darn big. People normally call their abdomens a six-pack. She has a six-pack alright, but there's a big diff. Her six-pack has developed the uncanny ability to wobble at the slightest hint of physical activity.

Continuing the downward journey, we stop at her stumps. I mean legs of course. On first sight it looks like tree stumps. With close to 3 years in the same CCA as her, I have never failed to marvel at how her legs manage to hold up the rest of her body.

All in all, with the oil her body produces and contains, it would normally have been enough to feed the entire continent of Africa.

To be continued...

People's Choice Awards

2005-11-21T13:15:00.000+08:00

After what's been a totally exciting year from my side of the pond, I thought that I would sit down and give out a few awards a la Oscars/Emmys/People's Choice kinda thing. Only this one, is firmly restricted to NPCC only.Here goes. *please clap for the first ever annual npcc people's choice awards* Awards with total walkover results will be classed with (Unanimous)

Best Moment of the Year--> Shareen gets scolded by OIC Mr Tien (Unanimous)

Best Event of the Year--> Leisure Camp 2005

Best WCI of the Year--> Jocelyn (Unanimous)

Best CI of the Year--> Derrick Yip

Best News of the Year--> Kean Loong returns as CI in 2006 (Unanimous)

Best SOB of the year--> Dickson (Unanimous)

Best Bitch of the Year--> Shareen (Unanimous)

That concludes the People's Choice Awards for this year. Remember, all voting is fair and all outcomes are agreed upon.

part two of a trilogy

2005-11-15T09:35:00.000+08:00

Hello my medal-winning friend. How are you feeling this morning? I hope you slept well. Now the comments I am about to make are very harsh, so are you sure you can take it?

First of all, I would like to spell out your physical looks. No matter what people tell you in the future, you DO have a Mr Potato Head face. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. At least you are a limited edition Potato Head with a special feature. You have acne. I believe you are one of a kind, unique, special,and this proves just that. Make no mistake, the only two differences there are between you and Mark Lee is that he is better looking and that he is actually talented.

Actually, come to think of it, you DO have a talent. In slamming people that is. And FYI, you have a pig face(horror of horrors I just unwittingly slammed Sista Pig.No offence.SERIOUSLY.). Like Hokkien people say, you have a SI PANG NAO and a TU BIN(ie square-brain-pig-face, basically the worst face-brain combi in the history of God's Green Earth).

Continuing on, you deserve another award. This one is for the person with the worst dress sense EVER. Now considering that you beat Michael Jackson to the award, I must truly congratulate you. Seriously. I mean, who wears boxers so high that even when one wears Full U I still can see your PURPLE boxers. Note to Potato Head: Purple is the international colour for faggots my pimply faced friend.

At this point, I would like to ask: Can you take my comments? *Thrusts chest out and beats it*.You must take my comments, we are MEN and you should be able to. Note: My comments are not directed to you, and I am definitely not trying to slam you. This is USEFUL criticism which you should work on to improve.

Did you know? You won a Guinness World Record for longest sock pull length. How long is long? VERY. It's about the length from your toes to the top of your knee cap. Hey hey Potato Head, that long socks aint called socks no more man. They're usually called pantyhoses/stockings dumbass. What makes this worse? The colour of your socks is black.

I nearly forgot something. Your nice out-of-date black full-framed rimmed glasses. Hey pal, 1998 called, and they say they are sick and tired of you. Also, they tell me we can have you back ANYTIME(btw it IS 2005 already if you haven't noticed). Pay attention: it's either half-framed or frameless glasses.

What can make your physical appearance look better? Let's see. I think Extreme Makeover would consider you extremely ugly and too over-the-hill to have a makeover. The Swan would never give you a free makeover cause they don't want to have a swansong just yet. Therefore basically, unless some reality TV show pops out in the near distant future that provides free makeovers for worthless people, you sure as hell ain't gonna get one. Cause you're too cheapo to spend money to have a real one.

Weeellll. This brings me to the end of my evaluation of Potato Head. I know my comments were harsh, but I am doing this FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Thank you for your kind attention. Final evaluation: You have the physical presence of a total loser. With a capital L.

an open letter to..

2005-11-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

WELL. I have to start off by saying this: Not many people succeed in making me angry. I mean really make my blood boil. In that sense, I have to congratulate you on your wonderful achievement. You ask my friends, and most describe me as easygoing. Thanks to your choice comments, you have become the first person to really irritate me. I believe you should get a medal for that. (Round of applause)

With that, I have to give you credit for your choice comments. Firstly, ask around. Who in the world likes to be slammed? You must think I do. You ridicule my plans and without even looking at it for 3mins you start finding fault with it. You jolly well know that I do not have much experience in planning things such as freaking sentry duty. Instead of nicely pointing out my mistakes, you have to put them in such a way that my mistakes are punishable by law. Well what a nice way of encouraging me along. THANK YOU.

Secondly, when giving your feedback, you just have to aim a whole lot of criticism at me. "You are very rude", "You dont treat your teammates well", "You dont give a shit about what your teammates have to say". Wow thanks man. Yes I know some of my comments are not pleasing, but they sure are not rude. If I dont treat my teammates well, how come I am on good terms with almost everyone? How come no one has accused me of lacking a team spirit before today? Would I still be asking for everyone's opinion if I dont care what they think or feel? Would I still be so offended by your comments? HELL NO.

Thirdly, do NOT impose your comments on others. After you slam me you have the cheek and the audacity to ask if I can swallow your comments. Well the way I see it if I said no you would have continued about my attitude and thus make me even madder still. I thus gracefully accept your comments. I would like you to know that the only thing stopping me from retorting and rebutting everything you said is the fact that you are a sir. Make no mistake about it, if it had been someone else totally unrelated and who had never worked with me in the past that made those comments I would have totally embarrassed him or her right there and then on the opt.This is NPCC and in it, I will give you the respect your rank deserves but outside of NP, you have just lost ALL my respect, if there ever was, for you as a fellow human being.

I would just like to drop a gentle reminder: NEVER EVER EVER EVER insult another person's character or put across such brazen comments that make yours truly sound so chauvinistic. I would like to remind you that you have never worked alongside me before and my way of talking to others is one and the same; as that I treat everyone equally. Why I answered their queries in such a manner, well let me remind you that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and I just find their queries not very well thought out and had no grounds to worry.

It isnt the criticisms that I'm angry about. Rather, it's more about the things you said which apparently you never stopped to consider how I would feel. And I also think it's right down crude to ask if I can take your comments when you jolly well never spared a thought before you made those right down crappy comments. I AM a team player and how I display it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Being a sir means to guide and lead your cadets in the best way possible. That's the kind of sir which I would respect in and out of NP. If being a sir gave me the right to slam and make crude remarks, I would much rather NOT be one.

The Community Shield

2005-08-07T17:45:00.001+08:00

Ladies n gents..boys n gals..da epl season gets underway in 1 week! tonight, we hv on tv, the community shield..da clash of titans chelsea vs arsenal..
for those a little slow *coughssistapig*..here's 10 facts bout da community shield
1)believe it or not..dis competition started way back in 1898..when most of us were little tadpoles..
2)da shield was formerly known as the charity shield
3)da shield has been shared 5 times since da war ended
4)MAN U has won da competition a record 5 times since da premiership started in 92/93
5)da nxt closest team ish Arse-nal wif 4 wins
6)since da premiership started, MAN U is da onli club to hv lost out 4 years in a row
7)da competition pits da FA Cup winners against da League Champions, which means since da premiership started, MAN U has appeared in da shield in all bt TWO seasons..inclusive of dis season
8)since da premiership started, MAN U has won everytime penalties were involved
9)da shield ish actually a glorified friendly.SERIOUSLY
10)da team who has won da shield has not gone on to win da epl title since MAN U did it in 1997
therefore i shall b hopin chelsea wins da shield..if it reali screws up their title campaign..i'll lik to c how frkin mourinho reacts to losing out to MAN U dis season..

FOP

2005-08-07T12:44:00.000+08:00

wow..dats how to describe FOP 2005. woots..hillsong blasted da roof of da indoor stadium..minutes after dey started playin..i totally forgot bout da trouble we got into juz to get in..didnt reali lik delirious..onli their last song, "majesty"..nt sure if itz theirs though.."singin majesty..majesty..foreva im changed by yr love.."..lolx..me, alvan, ben were there wif joanne cheryl n ath..me n alvan shouted hoarse when Darlene started One Way..shiok sia..take a look ard n c all da peeps in SIS jumpin up n down..n saw da drummer goin bonkers n whackin da drums..da sermon was great.."what revelation of God do u carry?"..hmm..in closing hillsong came out n led us thru Best Friend..once again everyone jumpin..YEAH..ben asked if dis was betta den sonicfest..it sure is..itz free!!n itz hillsong..im sure as hell gonna go nxt year..letz hope itz planetshakers nxt year..wanna hear them do Runnin Aft You..today's da last day..to all peeps out there hu havent been to c dis..DUN MISS IT!!!

my life rocks!!!

2005-05-23T18:45:00.000+08:00

woohoo!!!SOW was a blast..it was so gd...reali enjoyed myself..mum asked me if i was nervous.HELL YEA..i was damn freaked..it was a totally different situation as compared to da rehearsals..

summary of events
1.30-Reach church for rehearsal..in short jeans n shirt..realise to my horror dat i will hv to go home to take my clothes..bt acted cool n said no prob..
2.05-Rehearsal starts sooo late..start to freak out.. thanks to nigel da rehearsal ended at 3.15..at this point we r 45mins behind time..once rehearsal ends i run out of church..looking 4 a cab...n couldn't find one so RAN all da way to da nel station..found a cab there...
3.25-Reach home. I breathe a sigh of relief..n realise dat da cab ride took onli 5mins..n when i enter da hse my father pops out.he says he will take me back to church.i realise dat its almost impossible to b late..
3.45-Reach church. Joel asks me how come i m back so quickly.i dun sae anitng...juz smile..
4.15-Da thing gets under way.
looking back...doin this was fun..n i neve regretted doing dis...n i couldnt wish 4 a betta experience..

reflections

2005-05-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

xams r over!!!woot...lalalala lalalala elmo's world..haha..was tinking back to wat i said dat day bout being close to frkin out..it's truly horrible feeling to feel so desperate 4 help...n not noeing where to seek help..its like..on da brink of losing all hope..onli waiting 4 someone to throw u a lifeline..my maths paper 1 didnt go too well..was veri discouraged..n i went home n smth told me to search da Bible...so i did n found a psalm on combating fear...it goes like this:When I am afraid, I will trust in YOU. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. What can mortal men do to me?(Ps 56:4)..Indeed...there is dis song: "If my God is for me then who can be against me??"which reali strikes close to my heart rite now..i rmb saeing a prayer da nite b4 paper 2...in it i requested God to giv me da ability to do well n da guidance so that i could rmb all da formulas and to calm my heart..for it is said "Ask, and you will get"...n it reali worked..da nxt day i found my paper relatively easy n had onli 2 doubts..todae ish da last day of xams..n i finished dnt wif around 5 mins to go..so i juz bowed down n prayed a prayer of thanksgiving n all my results i laid unto Him. NO WORRIES NOW..

shit..xams

2005-05-03T17:13:00.000+08:00

guyz..hv a bad feeling..dunno y..cant concentrate on nth at da moment..sheeeeeeeeet..tink im gonna flunk badly in mid year..worried..exasperated..in nid of divine intervention..stuck in a rut..shucks..tink im gonna hv da shock of my life in maths..if past results r a measure im dead for sure. i mean,hu da hell gets single digit results..even upon 25..dats sucky..to da core..omg..not juz maths..geog too..im gonna get hysterical sooon...hu can help me???

the walk according to St. Paul

2005-03-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

got this frm xinyun's blog..n it makes me feel amazed at da beauty of God...

When i was a kid, I was made to believe that God was "up there" in heaven while we are all down here below. Average Christians, I guess, think this way. The following message of St.Paul, especially the last line, should change the way many of us think about God, our understanding of the line "Our Father, Who art in heaven" in the Lord's Prayer, and our understanding of heaven itself.

The God who made this world and everything in it gives all men life and breath and everything else. From that one man He made a nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the time set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that Man would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being.

so troubled...

2005-02-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

haiz...y muz liddat???i dun wan...y muz u force me 2 sae dat???ok...if u looking...here's da truth...dis time i tell u its da truth...we r gonna buy a present 4 ur bdae...its meant to b a surprise...bt i tink dat yr frenship is more imp den any surprise...we bought dat ball u like...we split it 4 ways...we reali wanted u to b happi...to feel surprised when u received it on yr bdae...u ask y so fast we buy...becoz we scared we dun buy den no stock...we alreddy planned everythin...frm hu go n buy to how to giv u...bt we wan u to b happi alwayz...present can alwayz buy again...bt frenship can neve b bought once its gone...frenship cannot b bought back...